how to deal

[negativeevitagen]

some things have recently happened in my life that i never thought were possible, both in the good, and horrible. For 5 months i THought i was doing everything well, only to have how badly i am doing be thrown mack in my face. i feel insignificant, like i shouldnt even be alive just because my life leads no meaning anymore, i cant be happy can i. the worst part about it is that when i start to get over it, some assinine comment is made and i go straight back to all the pain this whole thing has caused me. I love her, i really do, but the fact of the matter is that what happened was completely wrong, and i just dont think she seems to realize, lately ive been thinking, could i break away and get over my pain? but then what about my happiness? if i have any. The thing is, why would someone be motivated to cheat? if they arent ending the relationship right there, how can i salvage whats left? is it my fault? why why why.......i guess some people can never really truly respect you, no matter how badly you want them to, or wish that they could. if only she would realize how much this is destroying me. but she wont. not anytime soon. and yet i find myself comig back, back to the unsatisfied cheater who i love with all my heart. she has no idea, and will never have no idea. i hate learning. because when you learn, you learn something painful, and you hate being alive, you know, i never wanted to just crawl into a hole and live the rest of my life completely alone and away from everyone, but i really feel like it now. how long will it take to heal???!!?!?!? in searching for something better, i can only say that i hope that the end of this is less painful than my life. but i love her, i really do. if only she knew how much...

[Spidey]

if this person cheats on you, then honestly, they are not worth your time.

unless you are in a relationship where it is clearly stated and agreed to by both parties that you can bring another person into the relationship (as in, one or both of you take on more than one lover, while the person that you made the agreement with continues as primary and has first and final say), then it is NOT okay.

it sucks to say this but obviously...a part of this person - or the whole of this person - doesn't want to be with you. it really sucks and it's extremely difficult, but i think that maybe it might be better for you both - especially yourself emotionally - if you were to end the relationship.

relationships take a long time to heal from, especially if they end badly. and i know it's really hard, especially when you feel like such utter crap, but do not wrap your identity and your emotional wellbeing into a relationship. it should not make up the sum total of who you are and how you feel.

what makes a partner cheat sometimes is not a question of "fault" or "blame". don't get wrapped up in that otherwise you'll be pointing fingers. if you think that there is something that you need to do in future relationships that you think you did "wrong" in this one, then make note of it and change it -- what you did "wrong" doesn't necessairly mean that is the catalyst for the other partner's cheating. it's just something to recognise and put to good use in future relationships to make them better (aka an experience you can grow from).

i'm sorry if this is hard to understand.

good luck