Doing good but thinking about self harm

[justcallmemillie]

So i'm doing pretty well, but i'm thinking about cutting. I hate it and I know i don't need it anymore but when something little happens all i want to do is pull out my [tool]. I cut in the school bathroom with a [tool]. I felt awful doing it. but i felt like i had a good reason. I hate when i am talking to someone and they either turn away or start talking to someone else. I can't stand it.

I'm involved in a youth group and that has helped me so much. The leaders are fantastic but the people that go there are a different story. When we are at youth they talk to me and we get along, but as soon as we get to school they are rude, not only to me but other people. I understand that you can't always be the nicest person, but they take it way to far. I don't understand why they are like that. I am the same way at youth group as i am at school. No one understands what i feel and i don't think anyone really cares all that much (friend-wise).

I need advice about how to let what people say and how they act about me just roll off my back.

Thanks!
Millie

[Licentia Poetica]

Hey sweetie,

That's a hard one.

I think (especially with teenagers) people go through huge phases of insecurity. I'm sure you can relate to that yes? And when people are grouped together, whether it's by school, or friendship, or whatever, and there's a type of collective sense of that insecurity.. then things like cliques develop where people act in certain ways and behave in ways to keep themselves feeling accepted and "inside" the group.

I found that a lot through high school. It really upset me at times but it was a matter of look back at these people and seeing underneith their behaviour & looking at why they acted the way that they do.

How old are you hun? Things like cliques & social groups tend to mellow a bit when you get older. I found the first few years of high school really hard in that way, but towards the last few years I found myself a place with people I felt comfortable with.

It's also a matter of you being able to judge who's a good friend and who's not. If these people are nice to you in front of others, and horrible to you other times, then it might be worth finding some other friends. I'm not saying you should quit your group if it's helped you.. but it's important to keep things in perspective. You should'nt have to put up with being abused like that.