*Ed, Si, Su*

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 7:05 am

I just wrote the longest post of my life, but it was way to dark. i probably spent thirty minutes or more typing, i copied it and pasted it. I decided i am going to keep a journal... I wish you guys could here it, it would make alot more sense of how i camt to be, but it is too dark, way to dar, mattions SU like----- more times, si quite alote too. now i just feel physically exhausted right now, and i want to si, but i have o resist, if i do, i dont know where i will end up, (su)...can someone let me know that tey care?! that i am not worthless and ugly like i think i am?! please someone,......

this *thing is killing me softly, and no one cares that i am slowly slipping away right before their eyes.....

angel325 · Post by **angel325** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 9:45 am

i do care. i hope you can stay safe. love you, hun, and i don't want anything to happen to you. please be gentle to yourself, and if you want to talk, i'm here and will listen.

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 9:48 am

i have calmed down quite alot since i postec this, but i still fell them a little bit. i am nervous because my mom is up, my sis and her friends were tee-peeing, & they got caught. the heighbor called, and i was all nervous and distraught, so now my anxiety level is way up, and there is probably going to be a fight....

angel325 · Post by **angel325** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 9:58 am

i hate fights, and i do anything to avoid them. can you maybe go out for a walk or something to get out of there for a while ,while the situation calms down (if you think that would work?)

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 9:59 am

nope it is 1:00 here in the morning, i cant. and my mom is yelling and cursing/screaming. she always overreacts. now i feel scared and snxious

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:02 am

talked to mom, she is fine with me, just not at the girls. whewww, that was close man, yahoo!! i am off of the hook!

angel325 · Post by **angel325** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:04 am

it's ok, just hang on, she'll calm down eventually i'm sure. i hate when people overreact, but it always gets better. this is not how they really are, they just feel too emotional and need to get it out in some way. i guess this is not helpful at all. but just please please hang on in there.

i wish i could really help you.

angel325 · Post by **angel325** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:05 am

yay. good job. i'm so happy for you!!! :BIG:

so are you feeling better now?

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:08 am

ya, but for some reaon, i still feel the anxiety! is that normal, to feel it even when they are not mad at you? i guess i am just stressed and blah about certain stuff. my mom is one of them. she is unpredicable when she is made. we have had our fair share of fists fights...

angel325 · Post by **angel325** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:13 am

yes, i do feel anxious a long time after the cause is gone. i don't know if it is normal, but it happens to me. i guess is because you can't change your feeling from minute to minute eventhough you know you have no good enough reason to feel like that at the moment. sorry to hear about the fist fights, that is something i just cannot imagine.

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:18 am

no prob, we havent done it in a LONG time. but yes, it is hard to imagine. there is a way to control it, although not so healthy, si, but you cant do it every minute...grr

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:22 am

mom is sayong i have to get off, but not sure....edited just talked to her.

fucking bitch!! she just yessed at me to go to bed, cant she se that i am trying to resist the fuvking urge!? i guesss she is blind. god, now i want to rip my body to shreds, i feel like crying, but i cant ler the tears fall, cant let them...(i know i am a drama queen)

angel325 · Post by **angel325** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:24 am

i'm just wondering it you think that si is really a 'way of controlling it'? please don't get me wrong, i'm just asking, not saying that si is not ok to go with.

angel325 · Post by **angel325** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:28 am

i'm a drama queen too, it sucks. well, i guess you do need to go to bed, on the other hand if you go, perhaps you can let yourself cry? i'll be thinking of you, and even if you are not on the net talking with me, you should know that i'm thinking of you, hoping you can stay safe. i still love you, hun.

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:30 am

well it works for me, but yes, it has taken controll of my life. I have to constantly look for that one spot where i can si, oyu know? it had become a totla obsession..so yeah, but it works and that is all that matters. plus i like the scars, i like knowing that i know exactly wheere they are, i control if they heal or not, and i control who see's htem or not. it is too good to give p right now...
hey, how old are you hun?>>>

angel325 · Post by **angel325** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:33 am

i'm eighteen.

and i can totally see why you don't wanna give it up, cuz i don't want to either. no matter how weird i think it to be sometimes.

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:36 am

yeah, it is my life literatly...

angel325 · Post by **angel325** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:38 am

that's all that i can give you right now.

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:42 am

thankies

angel325 · Post by **angel325** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:45 am

you are always welcome. may i ask how old you are, if you don't mind?... how's mom doing, are you going to bed anytime soon? just wondering... i love talking to you.

bus

Ed, Si, Su

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