Things Left Unsaid - Version 3.0 *Language*

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

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Callisto
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Post by Callisto » Fri Sep 29, 2006 6:33 pm

i'm still scared that one day you'll turn around and tell me that you don't love me and that you never did, that it was all just a lie and that you're leaving me because you're bored of me.

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Quiet little Angel
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Post by Quiet little Angel » Sat Sep 30, 2006 3:16 pm

Sis: please don't be like me... i'm worried... i know there's nothing to see but you just remind me of myself... please don't start doing what i do... please be better than me... i love you and i don't want you to ever feel like i do...
/May

:lblstar: Never underestimate the power of silence... :lblstar:
:lblstar: micro-chipped mental cyber twins taking over NewZealand... :lblstar:
:lblstar: ever reached out for someones hand only to find it wasn't there? :lblstar:
My place of happy-scared-random-thoughts dealing with motherhood and anxiety, visitors welcome

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Post by fuyumi » Sat Sep 30, 2006 3:30 pm

I feel as though I'm not real, when you never seem to see or me. I can sit right next to you and you don't seem to notice me. I could ask you something, and you just ignore me as though my voice doesn't register at all. I know you've been doing this to me since I was 16, on and off, but it still hurts when you keep it up as carefully as you have lately. Two years and counting, now, and the only thing you've said to me during all that time was "Don't bother, I'll fix it later" when I was going to do laundry.

And you're my mother.

- so i turn myself inside out in hope someone will see -
- these precious things let them break their hold on me -

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Post by Quiet little Angel » Sat Sep 30, 2006 8:24 pm

Martin: i don't care what you think of the way i wave... just be happy that i even wave at you... don't fucking give me that: 'you look idiotic when you do that'-shit! it's just too much... it was fun at the beginning... when it was just our little joke... but don't go asking everyone you meet wheter or not they think it looks stupid... it's my way of doing this, so stay out of it... i don't care if i look retarded, it's a habbit and i can't help it... you're not making me feel very liked or welcome whan you say that... actually you're being meen! yep... that's what it is... i really like you, and you're a nice friend... but you have to stop that... i can't take it... especially not now... i have to keep myself from crying and running away when ever you do that... and right now i'm in no position to hold back tears... so please mind your own business...
/May

:lblstar: Never underestimate the power of silence... :lblstar:
:lblstar: micro-chipped mental cyber twins taking over NewZealand... :lblstar:
:lblstar: ever reached out for someones hand only to find it wasn't there? :lblstar:
My place of happy-scared-random-thoughts dealing with motherhood and anxiety, visitors welcome

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Post by Callisto » Sat Sep 30, 2006 10:42 pm

D:

I just worked out why you don't like me being friends with N....it's cuz i flirt with him a bit and have a connection with him I don't have with you. And yeah I do have a connection with him I don't have with you, but so what....and I flirt with all my good friends dude, so get over it!!!

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Post by Callisto » Sun Oct 01, 2006 1:26 am

N:

i love you....i know maybe thats not what you wanna hear right now, but i do love you....ive loved you since i first got to know you......

im always here...and it would kill me if anything happened to you

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Post by 5th section » Mon Oct 02, 2006 1:45 pm

Bit rambling, sorry...
"You don't value yourself so it degrades everyone who does". Can't remember where that comes from and I'm probably misquoting but i bloody wish someone had said it to me!!! I spent so much time telling myself I was worthless and you were wonderful that it was you who ended up paying for it. That's why I was such bad company, I couldn't get on with anyone else you knew and I kept shutting up and causing awkward silences. why did I have to keep reminding myself I didn't deserve you instead of just appreciating that I'd got you?!
Anyway, I haven't got you any more. If it was only me who paid for my self-indulgence I wouldn't bother but it was you as well. it's finally convinced me that I need to get myself sorted. You've transformed my life and I love you.
...then one day I realised that the people you see in waiting rooms and car parks and on trains are really far more interesting. That they all have whole novels inside them, a fabric of scar tissues, photos and memories. They are comedies and tragedies and - more often - both at the same time.
- Anna James (1984-2007)

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- my band (or more accurately, the band of which I am the bassist) some SI/SU triggers in lyrics...proceed with caution...

GOING STRAIGHT SINCE 1ST DECEMBER 2009

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Aly
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Post by Aly » Mon Oct 02, 2006 11:36 pm

I miss you more than I could ever express. But the really cruel thing is, even if I could express it, I'd still never be able to tell you.

I miss you grandpa. I miss you so much. Why did you leave? Why did you leave me? I want to hug you and kiss you and tell you I love you. Why did you have to go? I cant do any of those things, and I so desperately want to Grandpa. I need you so badly. Nothing feels right without you here. Nothing feels as happy, nothing feels as safe.

I dont think it's fair that I have no Grandad's at all now. And...I hate it. How am I meant to cope? Please come back and tell me how to cope with this. Right now I dont think I can. Right now everything hurts to much. And yet, it's been so long. Will it ever stop hurting? Please tell me it will stop hurting me. Please let me know that one day I will feel okay.

Please just come back Grandpa. Please dont have really left me. I'm begging you to come back to me. I need you so much. I fel so lost without you.

There's so much I never said...please come back so I can say it. Please come back so you can see how well I'm doing. Please come back to love me. I cant feel your love anymore. I cant feel it and I miss it so much. Please please come back to me. I miss you so much. I need you back here. Please?

Why wont you come back Grandpa? I feel as if you dont love me. Please show me you care. Please? I need it so badly. I need you.

Please Grandpa? Please - I'm begging you. Come back to me




(And now I cant stop crying.... - PMs welcome)
The wind and I, we speak the same, but he don’t hear so well.
Well, you’re gonna have to curse him, well you’re gonna have to yell.
The sky and I, we’ve had our fights and I’m coming round to rain,
Well, if the rain come round and it don’t come out, then I’ll never have to speak again,
I can tick tick tick tick tick tick tick away.


If Heaven is as Heaven does then this is Hell for sure...

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Post by poet with probs » Mon Oct 02, 2006 11:43 pm

i hate you, i cant live without you , and i wish that i could have stoped both of you , i fel like the accadent was my falt, and im sorry for that , i love you with all of my heart and now im afraid that i trust people to esely
and i love you both more than life its self and i would give it all up just to be with both of you again
:disco: :1hugs: :bfly: ( :moo: ) i think this is the first cow that was ever on here
:BIG: :new-bday: :1grhug: :smilecolros:



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R.I.P. Matthew August 14, 1988 - July 25, 2006
You will always be remembered.
R.I.P Nicole october 25, 1987 - May 12, 2005
both of you will allwase be remberd

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Post by Wall » Tue Oct 03, 2006 2:57 am

i wish everyone would just leave me alone. i'm tired of loving you just to be hurt. i can't seem to do anything right -- i can't seem to deserve or earn your love or caring. nothing that's supposed to be natural is. i ache for your smiles only to hear how you wish i wasn't there. only to hear and see you ignore my pleas. my best isn't good enough. nothing is as it should be. i have no more to give. i'd gladly scar every inch of my skin if you would just love me. i'd cut off or out anything i could if you would deem me worthwhile. i fear it will never be.
Fearless warriors in a picket fence
Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end
And we are caught in the middle


Somewhere in the Middle
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Quiet little Angel
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Post by Quiet little Angel » Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:18 pm

don't ask me how i did... cuz i sucked big time... i really stunk... and i don't fucking want to talk about it...
/May

:lblstar: Never underestimate the power of silence... :lblstar:
:lblstar: micro-chipped mental cyber twins taking over NewZealand... :lblstar:
:lblstar: ever reached out for someones hand only to find it wasn't there? :lblstar:
My place of happy-scared-random-thoughts dealing with motherhood and anxiety, visitors welcome

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Post by ViolinPlayingGoat » Tue Oct 03, 2006 8:21 pm

please tell me that you're engaged. i mean, i know i already know- but you don't know that i figured it out. i want you to tell me. and i know that if i still saw ytou as much as last year you would have mentioned it at some point and that makes it feel worse that i don't. i'm -happy- for you. no really, i am. i want to be able to tell you that. look you in the eye and tell you so that you'll believe me.
there's a part of me thats still incredibly jealous, but it's receding.
i'm getting there, in little baby steps. its hard but i can do it. i hope.
i still love you. but maybe not in the same way i think.
but i fall when i go back to these old thought patterns, and they get triggered by things like this cos then i try to think of ways to wind it into the conversation...just tell me please. i swear it will be a lot easier.




go for it. you must know i like you too by now. but i can't make the move because then if i screw up it's my fault and i feel guilty. if you make the move and i go along with it, if i go crazy its unfortunate, but i won't feel so guilty for fucking up cos i didn't start it. yeh, it scares me ok....
'cos i am a rocket on fire[[alone on its journey, home to the quickening ground with no-one there to catch it]]
-kate bush

You do it to yourself, you do, that's what really hurts,
you do it to yourself, just you, you and no-one else
{radiohead}

*~*happiness isn't happiness without a violin playing goat*~*

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Post by mephistopheles » Tue Oct 03, 2006 8:45 pm

there're more in the bathroom. under a panel in the bath.

but thank you for making me flush the other lot.
“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.”

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Aly
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Post by Aly » Thu Oct 05, 2006 1:23 am

Everytime I remember him, I remember when you told me about it. I remember how I tried not to cry. I remember sitting on the sofa and feeling like my entire world has crashed...

I remember you telling me that L had gone and said goodbye to him for the grandchildren. I remember you and R, L, P + P taking turns to spend the night with him.

I remember sitting next to E in the church for his funeral. I remember me holding back tears until I felt it was an appropriate time to cry. I remember taking my cues from E. I remember how full the church was. I remember that H was the other side of E.

I remember it not hurting as much as I thought it would. I remember me blocking it out. I remember not believing. I remember crying because I was meant to.

I remember not hugging you.

I remember when you told me Daddy. I remember. And I wonder how hard it must be to tell your child that your father has died. I wonder how hard it must be to lose your Daddy. I never want to lose you Daddy. Never never never. I dont think I would cope...

Daddy. I just want you to hold me and make it go away....please make it okay. Do your magical Daddy thing, and make me okay...I need you to fix me Daddy. You and Mummy...I need to be 5 again, where that stuff really does work...I need to be 5 again, when none of this had happened...

I need you Daddy. Please be here...please stop it from hurting me, please make everything alright. Please Daddy. Please say you love me, please hod me, please let it be okay. Daddy, please be here. Please make him come back Daddy. Please make it never have happened...Please take away those memories...

Please Daddy...

I love you Daddy. I do...
The wind and I, we speak the same, but he don’t hear so well.
Well, you’re gonna have to curse him, well you’re gonna have to yell.
The sky and I, we’ve had our fights and I’m coming round to rain,
Well, if the rain come round and it don’t come out, then I’ll never have to speak again,
I can tick tick tick tick tick tick tick away.


If Heaven is as Heaven does then this is Hell for sure...

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mephistopheles
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Post by mephistopheles » Sat Oct 07, 2006 2:47 pm

If you could just refrain from trying to hit on all my friends that would be just absolutely fucking brilliant. They don't want you! It's weird! For everyone!
“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.”

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Post by last_day » Sun Oct 08, 2006 5:02 am

I hate you.
The lightning and the thunder
They go and they come
But the stars and the stillness
Are always at home.

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Quiet little Angel
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Post by Quiet little Angel » Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:48 am

R... i'm sick of this... i'm sick of having to write you just to stay in touch... i'm sick of you not missing me... i'm sick of you not caring that i'm hurting... i'm sick of you not even being a friend anymore... i'm sick of thinking i ruined a great friendship over something as bad as this... i'm sick of not knowing if you really want me... it makes me sick to think you don't... it makes me sick to think you do... after we talked last i've been thinking... i can't have you in my life if you're not going to be my friend... i need to be able to trust that you'll be there if i need it... it makes me sick to think you don't even care about the friendship enough to call me like you promised you would... it makes me sick to think you're that cold... after something like this... it makes me sick to think you just used me and don't care... i need to know where we stand... no... where YOU stand...

(pm's ok)
/May

:lblstar: Never underestimate the power of silence... :lblstar:
:lblstar: micro-chipped mental cyber twins taking over NewZealand... :lblstar:
:lblstar: ever reached out for someones hand only to find it wasn't there? :lblstar:
My place of happy-scared-random-thoughts dealing with motherhood and anxiety, visitors welcome

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Post by fuyumi » Sun Oct 08, 2006 6:59 pm

I'm sorry I don't read anything you write to me anymore. I want to, but I can't find the energy nor the motivation to even pick it up. I'm tired, and I know I say that all the time, but it's because it's a constant feeling, and if you think I'm being evasive, then leave me alone already.

- so i turn myself inside out in hope someone will see -
- these precious things let them break their hold on me -

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Post by black_23 » Sun Oct 08, 2006 7:18 pm

I know they don't like me I'm not surprised after everything, but Im trying so hard and I've proved them Im in control, why do they hate me so much? Your family think Im useless to, but Im not honest I can do this I will. I hope you still believe in me :cry:
'Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life' Picasso

'IS THERE NO WAY OUT OF THE MIND?' Sylvia Plath


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Post by Scatterbrain » Mon Oct 09, 2006 6:38 am

I love you so much. Thats why it hurts so much to talk to you. Its been two weeks since you told me that you "dont have time for a girlfriend". I thought I was over you in those two weeks. When you walked in the room tonight after two weeks apart, it was all i could do not to run over and give you a big hug and kiss. I love you so much. I just wish you could love me back.
"The impossible just takes a little longer."
- HCJ (1/9/25- 2/26/08 )

"That there, that's not me/I go where I please/I walk through walls/I float down the Liffey
I'm not here/This isn't happening"
- "How to Disappear Completely" Radiohead

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