The ALL NEW *constructive* venting thread

NobodyToYou · Post by **NobodyToYou** » Wed May 17, 2006 6:39 pm

1st post.
I feel horrible. Everything that is supposed to help just makes it worse. I hate trying to do the right thing and having the right thing turn out worse than the wrong thing would.
I also hate that I am becoming such a weak whiny person. This is NOT ok.

NobodyToYou · Post by **NobodyToYou** » Wed May 17, 2006 6:42 pm

2nd post.
It sounds like a very difficult situation. But even though you aren't getting the results you want right away, at least you know you are trying. You haven't given up, you aren't stagnant...you are still moving. It CAN get better. Just keep going and eventually things will change.
About being whiny...you know your old T wants you to do a lot more whining and thinks it would make you a lot healthier. So even if you don't like it in yourself, trust that he knew what he was talking about and that it is ok, at least for now.

Post by **strmdncr** » Thu May 18, 2006 4:12 am

I hate that I always end up feeling guilty when I let my feelings show. What is so wrong with me that I can't even let myself be as important as you? What makes me think that you are better than me, that I don't deserve the same care and respect that I offer to you? What makes me so worthless and undeserving?

Post by **strmdncr** » Thu May 18, 2006 4:16 am

Sometimes it's hard to go against everything that you believe inside yourself and believe what others tell you. I've seen your posts to other people, and from that I can tell that your not worthless b/c worthless people don't take the time to care about others and how they're feeling. What is it that you feel your undeserving of and why? Everyone has basic human rights and standing up for yourself is okay. It might be very difficult to do, but I believe that you can do it...it just might take a bit longer than what you want but keep believing.

barnabygirl · Post by **barnabygirl** » Fri May 19, 2006 7:37 pm

i hate it when u kick me in the face by saying that im not unique,, it makes you sound like my mother, i dont want to compere you to her,, EVER,, that just makes me LOOSE YOU

barnabygirl · Post by **barnabygirl** » Fri May 19, 2006 7:38 pm

well i think that i am unique,, maybe not because of THOSE things, but because i am me. Honestly, i dont think you ever met everyone quite the same!! And i dont think that you meant it the wayi took it. I probably overreacted a lot cuz it just triggered some really bad memories...

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:42 am

im stressed
i feel out of control
everything feels out of control
depressed. badly. really suffering.
feel like everythings falling apart

& people depending on me
& i dont even have the words to explain to anyone whats wrong
im doing things that are out of character
& irrational.
& i dont know why
& all it leaves me with is less ways to feel better

im scared

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:47 am

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
BREATHE.

its going to be okay.
you have a right to be stressed.
yes things are falling apart
but it's not fair of your family to make it all your responsibility.

you can get through the next two weeks until uni starts. & then.. you will find ways of coping with that when it happens.
you can go out & have fun even though he dumped you. (why not, he is

)
work is stressful & scary but you can do it. you've done it a hundred times & you can again.

breathe. go watch some tv. get some sleep. call your doctor in the morning.

take care of yourself
dont binge
dont starve yourself
take your meds.

i can do this
i can do this
i can
i can
i can.

stop thinking about cake
stop.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 4:01 am

bump

izz · Post by **izz** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 7:34 am

heh i like this idea.

hmm what to vent what to vent.

my job is driving me crazy. i am ALWAYS behind, there is ALWAYS a problem, its just this endless cycle of stress and failure because i can never seem to keep up with things. i'm so afraid of letting people down. sometimes i feel like quitting but i can't... i've worked too hard at it and besides i'd be letting jackie (my boss) down and she's done so much for me. uggh!

izz · Post by **izz** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 7:45 am

DUDE. it's just a job. its just. a job.

no but seriously. its just work!

you don't fail at it. nobody there thinks you fail at it except for you. they all think you're great. you're like some kind of superstar and THATS why they give you so much crap to do. they dont expect you to finish things on time, they NEVER finish things on time either. considering how much they change their minds about crap, nobody could ever possibly keep up with it all. thats okay though. it will all get done when it gets done. its not that serious. (the medical director) does not deserve the pedastal you put her on. she's only human. she's brilliant, yes, but she's also a scatter brained flake, and she knows this and so does everyone else. she doesn't expect perfection from you. you're the only one pushing yourself, you're the only one who expects you to be perfect.

if you really want to quit, then quit. you don't owe jackie anything. she didnt do you any favors by giving you this job - she NEEDED you, and you came through for her. she loves you - as an employee and as a friend. but if you left, she wouldn't hate you for it. everyone is replaceable... the place wont burn down just cuz you leave.

but the truth is, you don't want to quit. you love your job. so quit yer whinin.

(damn i give good advice! one question.. do i need to pay myself for this?

)

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:40 am

Why!!!!!!!! Why did you have to leave me when you knew how much i loved you. When you knew every single thing about me. You lied, you said you would always be there for me, you saud you would never do that again. But look, this is the second time that i am in hell because of you. you know about my problems, you knew that i would go back to my old ways if you left me. Guesss what, i did. You were my best friend, you were the person i could depend on the most, when no one else would listen. Why couldn't you see that i loved you? were you that blind? I am sick to my stomach right now. you knew how much you could hurt me. and you finally did it. You finally left me to be all alone, without you, it is the end. without you i am numb. Without you, i might as well be dead, because you were my life, you were my one love, and now you are finally gone.

moo-moo · Post by **moo-moo** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:44 am

You left me, i dont know why. all i know is that you did, and i have to deal with it. I trusted you, but you were never REALLY there. It is not the end of the world, even though it feels like it. I have to take it one day at a time, i have to get through each breath, and in time i will get over you. maybe not completely, but enough to go on with my life.

Emma Wallace · Post by **Emma Wallace** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:28 pm

I feel like I'm going to horribly fail all my courses. The last few semesters have been terrible and I can't hack it.

Emma Wallace · Post by **Emma Wallace** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:31 pm

It's only the first week of classes, and I understand everything so far. When I failed courses before, it wasn't because the work was too hard but because I didn't do the work (or go to class at all). Since I started trying to get myself back on track, I've been doing better each semester, and if this one goes better than the last one, I'll do alright. I am smart. I'm trying to believe that. Being depressed doesn't make me less smart.

handmade mute · Post by **handmade mute** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 1:10 am

Nothing I do will ever be good enough for anyone in my life, so why bother? No matter what I do, how hard I try, I only ever get in trouble. It's never enough. I'M never enough.

handmade mute · Post by **handmade mute** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 1:19 am

I know right now it hurts. I know you feel as though it's pointless trying when you'll get in just as much trouble whether you try or not. But it isn't about anyone else, hun.

The only person who needs to accept you is YOU. And as long as you use other people's views as the benchmark, you'll never be happy with yourself. I know you tried your hardest to be considerate yesterday and it went...badly. But that doesn't mean you're not a good person. It just means there was a major breakdown in communication. If they don't tell you what they need you to be/do, how are you meant to know???

Be you. Even if it means being alone. Hiding yourself if getting to be far too painful.

You're enough. You always have been and always will be. Have faith.

Aly · Post by **Aly** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 7:24 pm

I blame you for this. I entirely blame you. Added to that, you confuse me. I hate you. I really really do. But only because through you I realised what I'm really like. Which makes me hate myself even more.
If pushed to say nice things about myself I'll talk about things that don't make me 'me'. 'I have nice friends', 'I wear nice clothes'. If pushed further 'I score highly in tests', 'I make people laugh'. I am not 'intelligent' or 'funny'. Not in my head. Sometimes those words come out of my mouth; sometimes I'll go much further than that. But I'll never really believe it.
I hate myself for the person I am and the way I treat people. I hate myself for my snobbery and short-sightedness. I hate that I am as shallow as I am...
The reason I broke up with you repulses me. I can't even type it. I cannot admit to it. It makes me feel sick. It makes me hate myself even more...

I blame you. I entirely blame you. I blame you for this depression I am sliding back into again. If I SI'd again, I would blame you. I'm not keeping up with work, and I blame you for it.
I hate you because through you I showed myself at my worst. And I wish I could undo it. But I can't. And I can't take responsibility either, however much I verbally appear to do so. And I blame you. It is selfish and cowardly and mean and bitchy to do so, but I do.

You make me mad and sad and I know I choose those things, but I dont know how to unchoose them. I want to stop talking to you. But I dont think I could cope...

Aly · Post by **Aly** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 7:40 pm

You seem very fixated on 'blame' and I wonder at the healthiness of this. I've noticed that for the past few years certainly, you seem to have a -need- to blame someone. Usually it is yourself. I wonder how much of the 'blame' you place on him is actually just a way to mask how responsible -you- actually feel.

In this kind of situation, I am not entirely sure that it is right or even necessary to place blame. You will get bitter and resentful, when in the end, it doesn't matter whose 'fault' it is. The fact is, the break up happened. It wasn't a nasty, messy breakup. You were and have continued to be as kind to him as you can be. You have accepted all the 'digs' he has aimed at you. And I'm sure a large part of you will be saying 'only because I deserve them', but the fact is, ordinarily, whether you thought you deserved them or not, in the past you would have risen to the bait and got back at him. Please try to see yourself as being a very 'big' person here.

I honestly don't think that in actuality you hate him. I think for now it is convinient for you to hate him. I don't mean to invalidate your feelings, but actually I'd say you are very far from hating him.
You think that you need to project this very self-confident, self-aware, happy-clappy image. You feel as if you need to reassure people that there is nothing wrong. To those who knew you before, you feel you have to convince them that was simply a 'blip' in your life and now you are fine. To those you are just meeting, you feel like you have to 'prove' that you are this 'great', 'happy' person. And you feel that if you even hint at the fact that you hate yourself simply because you do, then these people will also hate you.

But, sweetie, nothing could be further from the truth. You don't see yourself the way others do. You have spent over 16 years with yourself. You never get a break from yourself. You have seen, several times over your good points (and yes, they exist and you know full well they do) and they are no longer interesting. They are just there, and to you seem insignificant. Your 'faults' seem to constantly change and seem so much more important to you. But, to everyone else, your 'faults' are entirely insignificant compared to the whole of you. To everyone else, your good points are very interesting, and there is nothing that could invalidate you. You see sides of you that no one else does. And no, it's not because you hide them well, it's because you simply have a distorted view of yourself. That is okay and understandable but it is not healthy and it is not an accurate reflection of life.

If you score highly in tests, get good grades, understand what is taught to you, understand a lot in general then you ARE intelligent. You cannot deny it. If you make people laugh, then you ARE funny. It is a rational truth. Remember it! You have nice friends, and lots of them because there are very good points about you. No, everyone isn't 'tricking' you. Dont be so arrogant. THey see sides to you that they like and enjoy spending time with. Accept it Alice. Accept that you are NOT a bad person. Your behaviour made be bad sometimes, but you yourself are not. Do not, EVER, define yourself by your behaviour. Bad idea. You know that. Stop falling into the traps that you can see. Fall into traps you cant, and avoid the ones you know are waiting for you.

You cannot change the reasons you broke up with him for. You cannot change that you broke up with him. The reasons may not be 'moral' to your eyes, or 'fair', but they were problems that you didn't see were surmountable. That is a valid reason. Again; your behaious does not define who you are, don't make the mistake that it does...

I think it's time to let go of the break up. Dont let go of himif you arent ready to, but let go of the pain that came with the breakup. Do not hate yourself for it, because it is nothing you can change, and at the time, it was a good idea. You have learnt from it, therefore, it was not and never will be a 'bad' thing.

You know what you need to do to pull yourself out of the depression, so do it! You know what you need to do to get on top of the work, so, DO IT! There is nothing more that can be said. Yes, it's hard to get motivated, but just start little bit by little bit. And remove the worst temptations that stop you working. Limit online time. Say that when you get home you wont go online / watch tv for two hours. And in that two hours you can chat to family, go for a walk / cycle ride or do work. ALl of those are good. Then, go online for a few hours. But, if you still have work to do, make sure you come off with enough time to do the work and to get to bed before midnight! Be sensible about it. You promised you would be!

You CANT unchoose them. It's time to accept that darling...

I will ALWAYS love you. Start to look in the mirror and see the good things. Love is where to start...

(absolutely great thread!)

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Wed Sep 27, 2006 12:35 am

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH God how am I going to get through this semester.

Lecturer just emailed me ANOTHER assignment.

& I havent started on most of the others ARGHHHHHHHHHH

God help me I'm going to fail.

bus

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