Becoming a child again

[VowsOfSadness]

Though I will be seventeen in a few days I grow closer and closer to age five. See within the past two years I have almost reverted back to a child. I take comfort in coloring, my mom, disney movies, teddy bears, kids toys. For my birthday I had a princess barbie cake. I have even begun to act child like (more than before) My mom thinks it is going to start causing me problems especially with college next year. I HATE change, it scares me to the point where I have panic attacks and I have a feeling this is a reaction to "growing up". I refuse to let my family talk about college and I am deathly afraid to grow up because I feel like I have lost my childhood and that is the only thing I know, the only thing that is good in my life. So I revert back into childlike things. I don't know what's wrong with me, it's okay to be playful, but it's not okay to be a child. I have this fear, it's reality, I could never take care of myself without my mom. I just don't know how.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Am I some kind of freak? Has anyone heard of doing this before?

[falling...]

just want to say that i can relate to that... i really dont wanna grow up, and when things get bad, i turn back to how i was as a child...
_________________
panic 1907

[VowsOfSadness]

its good to know I'm not alone

[leemc77]

I'm 29 and I teach 4th grade (9 and 10 year olds). They're always talking about how they can't wait to be older, and I think, gee, I wish I were sitting in one of your chairs. (I have panic attacks when I think about turning 30.) I resort to childlike behavior at times. I color too, collect Disney movies, am in love with Winnie-the-Pooh, still read children's books, etc. You're not abnormal.

[VowsOfSadness]

its like I can breathe a sigh of relief

[leemc77]

Good! I'm glad!

[Silme Lor]

I too can totally relate. Lately I've been on a Disney movie binge, so far I've covrered Aladin, Beauty and the Beast, and The Little Mermaid.

[alegria]

hey, i still sleep with a teddy bear, love sanrio and find myself drifting to any toys in whatever store i'm in. you don't have to give up all childlike things to grow up. i figure as long as i'm paying the bills i'm allowed to have fitzwilliam w. bear sleep with me
~alegria

[flipflopfetish]

I'm only sixteen, so I can't really say I'm the same way yet... but in Love Actually Laura Linney sleeps with a teddy bear and has a really cute, little-kid room (she has to shove the bear under the bed when the guy comes up )

[VowsOfSadness]

hmmm sounds interesting. I will have to check it out sometime

[Number41]

Hi Vows...

I've recently moved back home with my parents (I'm in my late 20's) and noticed myself going back to old irresponsible habits...like not paying attention to when my bills are due, etc. And I'm sure these old habits resurfacing had lots to do with the big changes moving brought.

For me what helped the most was really just recognizing my change in behavior. Realizing my behavior allowed me to see it as a choice I could make...either continuing with the resurfacing behaviors or making an effort to stop them.

It's good that you have noticed your changes. Now you can determine if you want to continue on with them. Most of your childlike changes (coloring, watching kid's movies) seems harmless enough; however, as you've said they kind of cover up the more significant things like being afraid of moving on so much that you get panic attacks.

What kinds of things can you do to help you gain control over the big changes coming in your life? Do you already know where you will be going to college? If so, try to make a few trips there so you can get used to the campus and the city it's in.

Also you said you are worried about taking of yourself without your mom's help. Maybe you can have your mom give you some practical lessons, like how to shop for and cook a couple of your favorite meals? Or both of you get together and make a list of all the things she buys at the grocery store, that way you will know all the familiar brands.

#41