Things Left Unsaid *LA*

slinky · Post by **slinky** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 10:41 am

You're being unfair

Aly · Post by **Aly** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 10:12 pm

I still miss you - it's been over a year, and yet I still miss you...
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But I miss you guys even more - because I can see him again....but you two - it just isnt gunna happen is it? Even if I do it - still wont get you back....
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When are you gunna come back? I mean, will I ever see you again? Because...Im scared without you, and it doesnt feel right...and I hate it even more now...without you...and nothing can hide that you're not there...and you've not been gone for this long in more than 3 years - and now you are, and noone knows why - and I just hope you're okay....But Im very afraid you're not...

Please be okay, W + S - I miss you and I love you...
And you two, Ive said all I want to say to you many times, but Ill say it again - I miss you and I love you. More than you knew!

red umbrellas · Post by **red umbrellas** » Sat Apr 01, 2006 2:57 pm

i....don't understand why things are at this impasse.
i love you so much. but now i'm starting to doubt myself. because i'm scared of getting into such deep waters that i can't cope. i'm already struggling. i'm confused. you seem so distant...you've told me you love me. but you're not acting that way right now...it's like i'm another acquaintance. and everything i send you is full of love. and what i get in return is so little. i'm so scared i'm about to be hurt more than i can deal with. this is hard enough already. i don't know what to do. i know i need to talk to you about this at some point soon...but i dont know how.

K: thank you for being so understanding. you're a star. love you.

bexy · Post by **bexy** » Sat Apr 01, 2006 11:53 pm

im scared i'll fail you. i never live up to my own expectations, im used to that, its everybody else i dont want to fail

Aly · Post by **Aly** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 7:03 pm

If I'm honest, Im so cross you didnt reply to that email. It was opena nd friendly and nice. It was just an "it would be nice to hear from you, to know that things are going okay". You cant pretend that we never knew each other. You cant pretend that we werent friends. You cant pretend that we never meant anything to each other. And yes, it wasnt a healthy friendship, and yes, Ill admit, you were right to end it. The way you ended it wasnt right, but it was right that you did. I respect you for seeing that. I dont respect you for trying to forget me as you are evidently trying to do...
I think, if Im honest, that I only liked the person I pretended you were in my head, and never really you....But that pretend person helped me. And Im cross you're taking him away....

~starblaze~ · Post by **~starblaze~** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 1:52 pm

Megs - thank you for replying to the email on Saturday, it was good to hear from you and hear that you had missed being my friend. Im sorry you didnt get into Nottingham - i know how much you have always wanted to go there. I hope Cardiff is still good for you though and that you enjoy your time there. You sounded down in your email though, i know your stressed but i hope your doing okay.

Alice - it was nice of you to text me this morning and to talk to you through text for a little bit, i hope you have a lovely time in Spain and enjoy yourself!

George - thanks for texting me this morning and allowing me to catch up with you a bit, its been good to talk to you, and to hear a bit of your news. Good luck with the history revision, i think i may be distracting you a bit too much but hey its about time we talked a bit.

Amy - i hope you have fun today at Spring Harvest and then when your in Devon. Im thinking of you and your family. I hope your doing okay.

bexy · Post by **bexy** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 5:21 pm

you're not the person you used to be. we have nothing left to talk about anyway, nothing in common anymore. im sorry, we used to be close but i dont think we can be friends anymore. i just dont like the person youre turning into. i really wish we could go back but we cant

wish · Post by **wish** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 8:55 pm

mum-how could u do everything uv done to us and look us in the eye?u pretend nothing has happened,that u had a slight problem with alcohol and it only ever affected u.when theres so much more.are u happy at how weak i am?bet u love that i never stand up to u even as an adult.and the other part of u that is the mother ive always wanted is slowy and completely disapearing.i love u and i hate u.then i feel guilty for being so ungrateful.do u ever feel guilty?
p-u say i should stand up for myself,and i know u think i have no back bone but ur one of the worst.u know ill never say a word against u and u love it.i love u so much but i think u love power more than anything.well i have got a bloody spine and im sick of it-ur jumped up and spoilt,u moan and whine but never really do anything.
d-i loved u cos u were the only one i wasnt scared of.but slowly uve made it so im scared of u too.i never imagined id be scared of u,and sometimes i think its all in my head,but its not,its really there.im not ur equal,we both know it.but i put up with ur childish tantrums because im me.its starting to make me hate u too.dont u see it?are u really that friggin blind?do u really think im going to put up with this forever?sometimes i wonder if u see the fact ur turning into ur father like i do.and im scared that 10 or 20 years down the line im going to be u mother.but u havent got a fucking clue,blissful ignorance and all that.

bexy · Post by **bexy** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 7:11 pm

i'm really trying here. can't you do the same?

lostandalone · Post by **lostandalone** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 10:35 pm

H&M- I love you both but why do you this. You know I can not trust you. Oh how i wish things were not this messed up. What would have happend if i never meet you? Life would be boring. you make things intersting. but like C says I am attracted to teh married men.

C- thanks for trying to keep me in line. for telling me when i am fucking up realy bad but still letting me do it anyway.

A- wish things could have worked out. Me and my pathic life.

Wall · Post by **Wall** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:03 pm

I don't trust you. You've yelled at me before for saying this, but that just made it more true. I know you said you were sorry, but then you did it again, multiple times. You told me what I'm feeling and what my motives were. You refused to listen when I tried to tell you what me feelings and motives actually were. You've now said you've learned. That'd be great. Only time will prove it true (or false).

Most of my stuttering and stammering is done when you're around. So many times there's been no warning before you "go off". You say and do such hurtful things. You scare me. I'm afraid every time I would like something that might require you to do something for me. I'm afraid every time I try to touch or be near you or ask you to be near me.

Intimacy is.....a pharse. The only way I can manage it is to tell the feeling part of me to go away. She's a little girl and she goes away to play. I don't feel safe in your arms. I'm like a thing. I resist as much as I can, but I know that giving in must be done some or you will get angry.

I can't tell you this. I can't even get close to telling you this. Each time I've tried to share such deeply personal stuff you've become so angry. You often ask what you can do or what's wrong and I have no idea what to tell you. I'm afraid and I can't risk. Not right now.

flipflopfetish · Post by **flipflopfetish** » Wed Apr 05, 2006 5:53 am

trigs
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When I was younger, I truly believed that you were the better parent, that you would help me when Barbara was being an asshole, that you would take my side and shit. But after you fucking proved to me over and over and over again (and I may be dumb, but it will sink in over time) that all you were EVER going to do was let me down, you know, I can't understand why you don't get that I DON'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE. All you ever give me is lectures or screaming fits and apologies don't mean anything once i've heard them four million times and nothing changes. I guess it takes a lot to make me come out of denial because Barbara may be a horrible overprotective perfectionist bitch, but at least I know what her reaction will be.
And after all of this, after you have made me want to kill myself (or on a good day just cut my arms off) you think you can feel sorry for me? You still expect me to come to you when I'm sad or I have a problem? I have worked so hard to be not dependant on anyone, especially not you and right now my greatest wish would be to be able to leave and never ever ever come back. So don't even try to give me this bullshit about 'offering to be nice' because I doubt I'd believe it even if it was true. So fuck off.
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shadowavenger · Post by **shadowavenger** » Thu Apr 06, 2006 2:19 am

Mum - I stopped going to kickboxing because of my scars. not because I'm a worthless lazy sack of crap as you seem to think. I'm sick of hearing how I do nothing for you, how I never help around the house, how I don't study in school (you won't even believe I go to school half the time - I've never bunked except the 2 days when I did a runner). You're going on a holiday tomorrow - I booked your flight, I booked your hotel, I ordered your health and travel insurance, I found the instructions on how to work your phone abroad and you didn't even know what model of phone you have, I lent you my rucksack and my plug adaptor. You chucked a credit card at me a few times, I don't call that doing something. Don't think just because you occasionally throw a credit card at me and you pay for my school fees and some of my food that it gives you the right to treat me like shit. I'm not the slave you told me you want, I'm not your partner and R is my sister not my daughter, though you seem to forget that most of the time. You know I won't ever stand up to you, I'm just going to leave. I won't be there forever, in September I'll be gone and will do everything I can to make sure you never see me again, or more accurately that i never see you again. When I get a job you will be obsolete. I've got to the point where all the money doesn't justify the abuse. Yeah I'm gunna call it that, cuz that's what it is. You hit me over the head with a violin, you threw a chair at me. You told me life is shit and it only gets worse when I told you I was suicidal. You laughed when I reminded you about it. You fucking laughed. You think it's all a big game, you use money against me because you know I'm still dependent on you - well not for much longer. I'm counting the days until I'm free. I hate you and yet I still love you, sometimes I still think I'm evil and it's all my fault. Sometimes you're lovely to me and I think you're the best mum in the world. That doesn't erase what you've done and will continue to do, that doesn't make constantly playing mind games and shouting at me just for your own amusement okay. I am not a toy, I am not your property. You made me believe for so long that my worth was based on the letter A written a few times on a piece of paper, that without that I did not have the right to so much as exist let alone do anything. You encouraged me and then told me I was lazy and would never do anything. You said you loved me and then said I was just like my father. You said I'd get a great job and then have to use the money to buy you a house. I see the glint in your eyes when you tell me I'll have to look after you in your old age - you think I'm never going to escape from you. Bullshit. You won't fucking break me. I won't let you.

Dad - you seem to believe i have respect for you, or that i care what you say. What fucking planet are you on? You are nothing to me, this computer means more to me than you ever could. If you ever attain sole custody of your daughter I will fight for that custody because you aren't fit to look after a sea monkey let alone a little girl. Drag yourself out of the gutter and become a decent human being before you die and everything you could have been is wasted and all people remember you as is a sad old drunk who hit his wife, neglected his children but could cook a kickass Christmas dinner.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 7:52 pm

Darren:

I wish you would just tell me what kind of girlfriend that you want me to be so I knew how to keep you interested.

Catylyx · Post by **Catylyx** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 11:20 pm

me: STOP FUCKING EATING!!!

Rachel: i love you...this hurts so goddamn much.

Brian: I love you so much. thank you for wanting to help...i hope you can. i'll give you the letter as soon as i can. i promise.

shadowavenger · Post by **shadowavenger** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 3:56 pm

b - for the love of G-d PLEASE listen to me when I tell you what not to say. If you say you're going to be there for me you have to at least not say anything to make it worse. If you don't know what to say, don't feel you have to say anything. Just please don't say hurtful things that undermine me and invalidate my feelings, I'm more fragile than you think. If you just don't care, well fine but don't say you do.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 6:01 pm

to my body:

stop telling me that you are hungry/ill/tired....if you sleep much more it may as well be that you never got up at all today....i don't care that you are ill, stop being pathetic....and you can't be hungry, if you eat much more today you'll end up bingeing again....so SHUT UP!

Forget Me · Post by **Forget Me** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 9:03 am

im sorry i keep fucking up
i dont know how it happens
im sorry
im sorry my life isnt what it should be
im sorry im not what i should be
im sorry im me
________________________________________

im sorry you couldnt make it all better for me, but i still want to be with you. of course.

~bluehaze~ · Post by **~bluehaze~** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 3:11 pm

Please don't hate me.

~bluehaze~ · Post by **~bluehaze~** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 3:44 pm

Stop it.

bus

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