Parents Getting Divorced

[Greta_Chan]

My Dad and my Step mom are getting divorced, and inbetween the time my Step mom left the house and now, she has done quite a few disturbing things. Some of which include deleting all of our files from our computer, taking everything of hers out of the house without forewarning us about it, and then there was this past Sunday...

I felt obligated to still be my Step mom's friend, so I said I would have lunch with her just to talk about life, and updating her on how I'm doing. Well, in the middle of the lunch, she breaks out her "I'm a victim to youor father's problems and anger" bit. She sat there for 2 hours straight talking to me about how horrible my Dad is and how he was abusive to her on multiple occasions and so on. My dad has been abusive to her, but only once. I know that doesn't excuse him, but it certainly does not give her the right to accuse my dad of being a bad person. I've known my Dad for 17 years, a lot longer than she, and she expects me to believe that he would do that. Pfft.

My dad only ever hit my mom twice, and I was present for almost every fight they ever had. Only two of which involved any violence, one verbal, the other physical. My dad does hold in his anger quite often and doesn't let it out till he explodes, but he is not abusive on a continuing basis. He's never been abusive to me, or any other female in my life other than my mom and my step mom. Now my step mom is the type of person that doesn't tolerate anything. She would call the police if my Dad even looked at her the wrong way. In my eyes, his hitting her that one time was defense. He did it to defend me from her because she was trying to verbally abuse me just because I mistakenly screwed the computer up. I wasn't happy with my dad either, but I appreciated his attempt to protect me, although it was not the correct way to do it. It just infuriates me that my Step mom would say those things about my dad.

She stretches and twists the truth to fit her own needs so often, it's crazy. Like one instance she said my dad threw a remote control at her, when I know for a fact he threw it at the chair, not her. Yet she still to this day argues that it was thrown at her. I was there. It's like she's saying I'm not a credible person.

Oh, then she has the nerve to accuse my dad of murdering my mom. We all know for a fact it was liver failure from her alcoholism, but no, she ahs to go and say something that awful about my dad. I'm just so infuriated with her right now. Right after I left that lunch, I felt like SIing so badly. Not only did she attack my father, but she attacked me as well on several issues that are very touchy for me such as my ED, and SA. She couldn't have just said, "what about your SA?" she had to scream out loud the details of the SA in a public place. I was not happy, in fact I was distraught. So many things were running through my head, that I was too paralyzed to move or say anything to her to make her stop.

Now, I feel so torn apart and taken advantage of. She had no right to say those things to me. I don't need to know those things, nor does she have the right to take something so unstable such as my SA issues and fluant them in public as if it was the end of the world or mocking it like it's nothing at all. As if it were an everyday occurance. Ugh. I feel like my heart is ripped out of my chest and shredded apart and stuffed down my throat. I mean, who does she think she is?

I guess I'm writting this because I don't know what to do with these feelings. I've talked to my dad about it, and my friends, yet they stick to me like peanut butter. I've been acting on my ED ever since Sunday, and I feel terrible about it. I just want to be healthy. I am proud that I haven't SIed at all. And also that I haven't perged whenever I binge. I'm just upset about the binging since I am trying to get physically healthier and lose weight.

::shrugs:: I just needed to say something about it.

[gerald]

I guess the door has been closed on your attempt to still be your stepmother's friend.

People do that. In the midst of a messy breakup, they vent to other people. If you can stay out of it, refuse to say anything bad about the other person (and if asked reiterate that you are still pursuing a relationship with the other person), and just listen in the knowledge that whoever's talking to you needs to get it out -- and do the same with the other person -- then you can do them a service that many find valuable.

But that's not always possible. I hope that you draw a clear line with your stepmother -- it's okay if she wants to talk to you, but not about your father, or whatever -- so that this doesn't happen again.

It sounds as if she's got a fair amount of stuff she can legitimately vent about. Just not to you, because you disagree with her about a lot of what happened and you don't want to hear bad stuff about your dad.

Good luck with it.

[Ophelia_Lives]

It was not fair of her to put you in that position, especially when you were trying to show her some support. I am so sorry you had to deal with that. Hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.

[LexieK88]

Your stepmom had no right to say all that to you. Unfortunately, many time in divorce this happens. My parents are divorced and I remember some of that from my dad (but not really from my mom). It always hurts. Congratulations on not SIing yet though, that is good. We're here for you! Remeber, it will get better even if it doesn't always seem like it at the time. I know sometimes it seems like it only keeps getting worse but eventually it will get better. I speak from experience on that one.