I'm proud of myself today because....
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- OverTheWorst
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*** warning - SI/ED
I am proud of myself because I made it through an almost 4 hour long urge!!!!
I said, "I'm going to play some worship songs and then if I still feel like it, okay." So I washed dishes, still felt bad, played for almost an hour, still felt bad.... but decided I'd keep putting it off. Downloaded "Come to Jesus," my favorite hymn, kept listening to it. Still was struggling. Called my aunt. Still wanted to give in. Killed some time with the Internet and here and such. Then I was about to give in, but as a last ditch effort turned on the TV and caught the last 30 minutes of a Lifetime movie about a woman with ED.... it's hard to explain, but that's what finally calmed me down... because since ED isn't my struggle, I could see how it was hurting her and how she'd be "better off" by giving it up, even though it was hard as all get out to do so... and she was.... and so anyway, I began to see my battle as worth fighting and the feelings of sadness, etc. as a normal part of life that I just wasn't used to... and just like her, I used to just push things down, and it's good that I'm not anymore.... and just like her, my family expected me to be perfect and I am finally letting that go...., and suddenly somewhere in all of that the urge was gone.
That makes 3 weeks, 5 days. And before that it was almost 3 weeks, so that's nearly a month and a half with just one slip...
So ahhhhhhh relief is sweet but sometimes quite too short.
I am proud of myself because I made it through an almost 4 hour long urge!!!!
I said, "I'm going to play some worship songs and then if I still feel like it, okay." So I washed dishes, still felt bad, played for almost an hour, still felt bad.... but decided I'd keep putting it off. Downloaded "Come to Jesus," my favorite hymn, kept listening to it. Still was struggling. Called my aunt. Still wanted to give in. Killed some time with the Internet and here and such. Then I was about to give in, but as a last ditch effort turned on the TV and caught the last 30 minutes of a Lifetime movie about a woman with ED.... it's hard to explain, but that's what finally calmed me down... because since ED isn't my struggle, I could see how it was hurting her and how she'd be "better off" by giving it up, even though it was hard as all get out to do so... and she was.... and so anyway, I began to see my battle as worth fighting and the feelings of sadness, etc. as a normal part of life that I just wasn't used to... and just like her, I used to just push things down, and it's good that I'm not anymore.... and just like her, my family expected me to be perfect and I am finally letting that go...., and suddenly somewhere in all of that the urge was gone.
That makes 3 weeks, 5 days. And before that it was almost 3 weeks, so that's nearly a month and a half with just one slip...
So ahhhhhhh relief is sweet but sometimes quite too short.
Psalm 91, 107, 139
"Hungry, I come to you for I know you satisfy. I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry. <br>And so I wait for you. Jesus, you're all this heart is living for. <br>Broken, I run to You for Your arms are open wide. I am weary, but I know Your touch restores my life."<p>
visit <a href="http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... tart=0">my place</a>
"Hungry, I come to you for I know you satisfy. I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry. <br>And so I wait for you. Jesus, you're all this heart is living for. <br>Broken, I run to You for Your arms are open wide. I am weary, but I know Your touch restores my life."<p>
visit <a href="http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... tart=0">my place</a>
i'm trying.
and an essay i had an A- in got increased to an A.
one person got an A+ and i was one of three to get an A.
out of 200+
wow
and an essay i had an A- in got increased to an A.
one person got an A+ and i was one of three to get an A.
out of 200+
wow
Last edited by amyfairy on Sat Feb 25, 2006 9:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I got through a bad night last night without cutting. I'm Proud Of Myself For that.
"Scars are stories, history written on the body"
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- pointeless
- growing roots
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I went to Hull college auditions and was made a conditional offer of a place for next year entry
<a href="http://www.freewebs.com/sjhemming/">Visit My Website</a>
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=83255 - My poetry/Art Den
With eternal gratefullness n thanks to pink elephant for the graphic x
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=83255 - My poetry/Art Den
With eternal gratefullness n thanks to pink elephant for the graphic x
pointeless, that is fantastic, well done!
I am proud of myself for telling my best friend that she had been so inwardly focussed in the past few months that I am left feeling unimportant, and uncared for. I know it wasn't her intention to make me feel this way, she was just being a bit thoughtless, but I didn't want the resentment I am feeling to grow and ruin things. Last week I told her some serious news about me, and she didn't mention it in a whole week, just talked about her and her family. I told her, and she took it. Text today indicates she has really thought about it, lets hope she hangs onto it.
I am proud of myself for telling my best friend that she had been so inwardly focussed in the past few months that I am left feeling unimportant, and uncared for. I know it wasn't her intention to make me feel this way, she was just being a bit thoughtless, but I didn't want the resentment I am feeling to grow and ruin things. Last week I told her some serious news about me, and she didn't mention it in a whole week, just talked about her and her family. I told her, and she took it. Text today indicates she has really thought about it, lets hope she hangs onto it.
"It is joy to be hidden, but disaster not to be found" (Winnicott)
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I am proud of myself because I got more of my apartment cleaned up, and I did a homework assignment early.
My Place Visitors are welcome. New First Post 12/16/08
Forever Satan of RW
Married to Reine, nicki, han & klove
WDS, snowangel, kicks, figment & Chey (plus kitties) belong to me!
Stef is my twin
Klove's partner....(in crime! Get your mind outta the gutter already!)
:.*.:NO HUGS:.*.:
Forever Satan of RW
Married to Reine, nicki, han & klove
WDS, snowangel, kicks, figment & Chey (plus kitties) belong to me!
Stef is my twin
Klove's partner....(in crime! Get your mind outta the gutter already!)
:.*.:NO HUGS:.*.:
- shadowavenger
- creating your space
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well done (*Haven*)
Today I did my homework
Today I did my homework
Another lonely highway in the black of night
There's hope in the darkness, you know you're going to make it
"This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays." - Arthur Dent
"You're just wearing on the outside what the rest of us wear on the inside." - Sean McNamara, Nip/Tuck
There's hope in the darkness, you know you're going to make it
"This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays." - Arthur Dent
"You're just wearing on the outside what the rest of us wear on the inside." - Sean McNamara, Nip/Tuck
- Poya Maitri
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- arianwen1174
- building community
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I called my boys (ages 13 & 15). I try to call them every weekend but have been very isolative lately and that's gotten in the way of my calls to my guys.
Kali (previously known as Michelle)
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Hugs are always welcome!
I'm not around much and rarely reply to folks but being here always helps me. You're all amazing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hugs are always welcome!
I'm not around much and rarely reply to folks but being here always helps me. You're all amazing.
- kittyinthemiddle
- meeting the neighbors
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- arianwen1174
- building community
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I made it through shopping without dissociating very much at all or overspending. (For the record, I love shopping, just find it hard lately...)
Kali (previously known as Michelle)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hugs are always welcome!
I'm not around much and rarely reply to folks but being here always helps me. You're all amazing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hugs are always welcome!
I'm not around much and rarely reply to folks but being here always helps me. You're all amazing.
- pretty
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You're all awesome.
I'm proud of myself because I got past feeling crappy this morning and had a good day.
'this is what she says gets her through it,
"if I don't let myself be happy now, then when?"' - jimmy eat world
place
"if I don't let myself be happy now, then when?"' - jimmy eat world
place
- pointeless
- growing roots
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good going noteven
I'm proud of myself today because I recomposed myself after getting in a state after my T app and still managed to go back in for tap dance class after college
I'm proud of myself today because I recomposed myself after getting in a state after my T app and still managed to go back in for tap dance class after college
<a href="http://www.freewebs.com/sjhemming/">Visit My Website</a>
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=83255 - My poetry/Art Den
With eternal gratefullness n thanks to pink elephant for the graphic x
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=83255 - My poetry/Art Den
With eternal gratefullness n thanks to pink elephant for the graphic x
- there_is_hope
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