*triggers, nastyness, please dont read if your not prepared*

Tucker · Post by **Tucker** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:35 pm

theres so much talk of coping and getting better but um.. well i really don't want to get better, i've been a self harmer for 5 or so years and ive never once thought about stopping. i've been told that im just feeling 'numb' and that i really deep down want to get better, but i really do enjoy the feelings involved with self harming and i really do look foward to the next time i sit down to self harm.

This may sound sick to anyone casual reader and i don't blame you but i've had my share of problems etc and in a way it's a way to cope, but i self harmed before i had any real problems so do i just do it becuase im sick? am i some strange type of sado? please someone reply back even if it's jsut to say you read i really just need some support in the way of people trying to understand. if anyone else feels this way or knows anything about it please tell me.

Post by **treasure** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 10:01 pm

i read and sort of understand.

i don't think it's "sick" to like si, it has benefits or else people wouldn't use it to cope. that is, using sick with the connotations that your post has, cos mental illness is a real thing, i spose technically if you have a mental illness you could be descibed as sick?

Tucker wrote:i self harmed before i had any real problems

your problems are just as real as anyones'. and maybe there is an underlying cause of things thats purely biological?

maybe you aren't ready to stop. most people can't stop straight away and theres nothing wrong with that. do you have a means of support or someone to talk to about si? take things one step at a time.

(btw - welcome to bus

)

glass angel · Post by **glass angel** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 10:11 pm

you're not alone

part of me is glad that i am 'getting better', but part of me is not. sometimes i have self harmed just because i like it

i obviously can't say how.... but yes, you're not alone. i don't think you're sick - sometimes there is no expaination.

as to the future - maybe one day you will find enough of a will to stop - i'm willing to bet you don't like every aspect of harming yourself? but try not to worry, it is a coping mechanism, and sadly, it works!

carrie xxxx

Windswept Thumb · Post by **Windswept Thumb** » Fri Dec 23, 2005 8:01 pm

I do understand, as well. I have been SIing on and off for at least 15 years and only recently have really understood that I do want to get better. At first, I didn't really see a need to get better. Now looking back I realize what it has done to my life and relationships and hate my SI.

You may just be in the same place that I was in the beginning.

As for getting better that is your choice and you will make that decision when and if your ready to. Until then try to be safe.

GLaDOS · Post by **GLaDOS** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 6:13 pm

I get that feeling all the time... TBH, I barely SI anymore so I can cope with emotions (I needed SI to get rid of the anxiety, but now I'm just plain depressed and SI doesn't help that...), I cut because I want it and like it.

You're not alone, don't worry.

Wandering · Post by **Wandering** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 8:47 am

Me too - I do want to stop, in some ways, but in other ways I don't, because I like how SI makes me feel. That's my major difficulty with stopping - I don't want to in some ways.

Anyway, no you're not sick, and you're also not alone.

Andi

katja · Post by **katja** » Sat Dec 31, 2005 4:19 pm

yeah maybe it isnt a "coping with your problems" thing. I always think in all the people in all the world, a doctor is the least likely to understand me. I always end up cutting just coz im drunk.
maybe cutting does have f** all to do with problems and childhoods or whatever.
or maybe it does.

Tamrick · Post by **Tamrick** » Sat Dec 31, 2005 5:08 pm

There are many reasons for SIing and many also for stopping. People wouldn't SI if it didn't give them something and until stopping can give you more than you get from SIing, you won't want to stop. Its an advantage-disadvantage thing.

I think almost every person on this board has gone through a stage of not wanting to stop - its not abnormal or sick or anything. I'm also not even saying that one day you will want to stop. I just think that you must give yourself the chance to change your mind if and when the time comes.

beautiful_facade · Post by **beautiful_facade** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 5:09 pm

Getting better and letting go is scary. Anyone can accept that change is scary - people wouldn't think it weird if you were scared about moving to a new city, would they? It's completely normal to be scared even contemplating letting go of coping mechanism. Not be scared would be abnormal and silly. A bit of scared is good...i think most people know when they're ready to start letting go.

Am i rambling crap?

i'll just shut up now

littleangelgirl

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 5:44 pm

aquana wrote:I get that feeling all the time... TBH, I barely SI anymore so I can cope with emotions (I needed SI to get rid of the anxiety, but now I'm just plain depressed and SI doesn't help that...), I cut because I want it and like it.

You're not alone, don't worry.

i ditto that

qua couldnt have described what i feel any better unless she actually was me

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triggers, nastyness, please dont read if your not prepared

triggers, nastyness, please dont read if your not prepared