Looking for reasons

[kickingmyself]

Lately I've been finding that I get the urge to SI over something incredibly trivial, maybe because I can't decide what to wear or because I've forgotten my lunch or something. Which is ridiculous really when there are so many people on this board in terrible circumstances who are suffering immense emotional anguish. I think at least they're entitled to want to SI. I used to have lots of reasons to do it, but that's all in the past, so why do I still get so triggered? Does anyone else get like this over things that really don't matter?

[Poya Maitri]

hiya!

I can relate. I think sometimes if i'm feeling vulnerable little things can feel like really big things. i've felt tragic over forgetting my lunch before, especiallly if i don't have a way of getting more...

-POya

[perilousjourney]

I always feel that others have more of a right to want to SI than me no matter what I am going through that is triggering me. I guess I can just be a guilt-monger. But usually, when 'little' things trigger me, if I think about it, there is usually something else bothering me, it may be 'little' also but the 'little' things make a big stinky pile sometimes... Unless it is September, I always hit bottom in september but I still havent figured out why...

But I have told myself that each person has their own limits as to what they can bear and I shouldnt feel guilty if my limit is less than anothers.

Tressi

[kickingmyself]

The more I think about this, I think it is a case of the straw breaking the camel's back, and all the past stuff never really goes away.

Thanks for your replies, means a lot x

[Poya Maitri]

hi kicking,

i don't know if you were done with the thread, but i so related to the last thing you said. I agree with Tressi that if something else is bothering me, and i'm not very aware of it, then i overreact to other things sometimes.

but, about the past....for me, i have some really awful feelings from my past that "float up" on me, and sometimes the feelings i have today feel so connected to those. like, when i forgot my lunch when i was in jr. high, i felt SOOOOO awful because everything was SO BAD at home at that time in my life and there was so much neglect in our home, not having a lunch just kind of heightened that feeling, of not having anyone there for me, not having any nurturing...sometimes today when i forget my lunch, or i don't have anything to wear, its a similar feeling "I don't have what i need." "I don't have enough." or "nothing is going to be all right." or "I'm all alone...."

-POya