'emo'

[theboldeditalics]

So, what is a "real" cutter then?

Is it not someone who doesn't know how to otherwise cope with emotion, just as "emo" kids are?

Is it not someone who, like 'real' self injurers-finds it difficult to be understood by others, and if in fact, they do find some other friends (other "emo's"), who are going through the same thing they are, why should they be punished by the rest of the world who call them annoying?



I'm sorry, but if you wouldn't want that said about you for absolutley no reason, then you shouldn't say it about somebody else.

[Cellardoor]

Blimey. What an interesting thread!
No one says emo in ireland...
And i havnt met any groups who si for fashion and i know pretty much everyone in the er 'goth' scene where i live...
Weird, ireland is so... i dunno, behind the times.
Not that i want to see people wandering around with cuts on their arms or anything...

[Skyeler]

So, what is a "real" cutter then?

Is it not someone who doesn't know how to otherwise cope with emotion, just as "emo" kids are?

Is it not someone who, like 'real' self injurers-finds it difficult to be understood by others, and if in fact, they do find some other friends (other "emo's"), who are going through the same thing they are, why should they be punished by the rest of the world who call them annoying?



I'm sorry, but if you wouldn't want that said about you for absolutley no reason, then you shouldn't say it about somebody else.

I think we're bus soulmates.

REally, does the fact that I dress a certain way influence how valid my reasons for cutting are? Fuck no.

This attitude towards who the "real" cutters and the "fake" cutters are is even more scenish and exclusive and self involved than any emo kid you'll ever find.

[Arcadia]

I certainly don't expect people to cover their cuts for me, if the self harm was the product of depression, or a need to do it etc. I never get triggered by stuff like that, although it can make me feel sad for the person.

I never said i was non-judgemental. of course i am judgemental. having opinions is human. I have a side swept fringe. It's not really the fashion elements that bother me - it's the fact that me and my mates, most of whom are punks or cyber or normal, get hassled, criticised, chatted up or made to feel uncomfortable in the few places we go where previously we felt comfortable, for looking different to the sodding emo kids.

(And because there are so many emo kids, who may or may not be into emo, they alter the music. I went to two rock clubs on consecutive nights at opposite ends of the country and they were both playing almost the same set, a kind of goth/emo mixture).

There aren't "scene" points for cutting but i hate the fact that someone might think my self-harm - mostly kept to my legs - is a fashion thing cos of some stupid immature child thinking it's going to make them fit in.

[Skyeler]

How can you be mad about people judging you, if you judge them?

You're exactly the same as those people who judge you... what tells you that the kids you hate aren't as punk as you are?

You can't be pissed off about being judged if you turn around and do the exact same thing...

and really, they're SI'ing isn't worth less then yours because they don't keep it hidden. Their Si'ing doesn't cheapen yours, it doesn'T make it worth less.

What about caring about what other people think of your SI? Doesn't it boil down to the same thing the supposed "sodding emo kid" do? Worry about what others think?

Even if they do do it for a fashion statement, which I really doubt anyone does isn't that sad enough on it's own to warrant it being real?

Si'ing is fucking personal enough that really what other people thinkg shouldn't fucking matter, as long as whoever is in your inner circle understands.

[Naiia]

I guess, I'm really curious as to what you think the difference between you and these kids is?

Do you think they're not hurting? Do you really think a happy person could do this to themself? Do you really think that it matters what colors of clothing people wear, or what labels they attach to themself, or that BOTH of you need help regardless of whether you (like the kids) are willing to admit it?

Is the issue whether or not we are ashamed of our scars, or is it something deeper than that?

[Arcadia]

I suppose my problem is not having my self harm or depression taken seriously because of other people's actions. The majority of 'normal' people see self harm as disgusting and pathetic because they only notice the attention seekers, because they are the ones who make a huge deal out of it for some need of attention, wether positive or negative.

Therefore it makes my life more difficult because of contemporaries and parents seeing it in that way, and as a product of a lifestyle. Also my SI is an incredibly private thing, and i genuinely have no clue why *anyone* would wish to advertise it or make it obvious.

The difference is that I don't advertise it, and I didn't start judging emo kids until they behaved in a way that upset me. Stereotyping i may be guilty of, but i'm yet to meet any 'emo' people to break the stereotype.

and i'm sick of seeing children ruin their lives by mimicking stuff they think is cool.

[DecemberLivy]

Do you think they're not hurting? Do you really think a happy person could do this to themself?

i think somepeople will do anything to be with the 'in-crowd' its more than self harm and attire and genre. they just want to be accepted, to fit in. i agree they can be very annoying. what really pisses me off is myspace accounts where they put in huge letters 'sometimes i cut myself because i like the pain' that drives me insane. but you just have to pity them really, because at the end of the day its obvious they dont know who they are if they have to follow a trend

[theboldeditalics]

This attitude towards who the "real" cutters and the "fake" cutters are is even more scenish and exclusive and self involved than any emo kid you'll ever find.

Requote the words: MORE scenish and EXCLUSIVE



anyway, just furthering that point, i no longer cover up scars or cuts, but that sure as hell doesn't mean that i do it for attention.


--lauren


p.s.

I think we're bus soulmates.

haha, i'm honored.

[balletomane]

So maybe some people cut for attention. So what?

I know I have. I got sick and tired of people treating me like I was some perfect bitch whom they should envy and hate. So I rolled up my sleeves. I am a human being and I am in pain. I have been screaming for help and no one is listening. Fuck that, I'm going to make them listen.

Was exposing scars a CONSTRUCTIVE way of asking for help? No. Was it perhaps a manipulative thing to do? yes. But you know what? I couldn't find another way to make people listen. If I were brilliant at communication/ having needs met, I wouldn't be in therapy.

That is something I have been working on a lot. My whole life I didn't feel like I deserved anything. I felt extremely worthless. I felt asking for help was wrong. Like others deserved help, but I didn't. But I am learning. I do deserve help and there are ways to ask for help that are less pathological. But just as I didn't know how to deal with my intense depression and anxiety in a non-injurious way, I didn't know how to ask for help.

Self injury is a maladaptive behavior. People self injure for a variety of reasons. I don't feel like I'm in a place to judge them for their behaviors and reasons. I know a lot of people think I am making up my mental illness for shits and giggles. But I know that I am not. So I'm inclined to think that what I see on the outside, doesn't reflect how people really feel/think.

Even if someone makes the conscious decision to hurt themselves in order to fit in, that sounds indicative of deeply seated self confidence/acceptance issues.

Wow, sorry to babble on so much. I guess my basic point, which others have made more clearly, is that we can never know what someone's motivations are. And more importantly, we shouldn't judge them.

[Green Beauty]

I can't really add anymore. But well said b

[theboldeditalics]

So maybe some people cut for attention. So what?

I know I have. I got sick and tired of people treating me like I was some perfect bitch whom they should envy and hate. So I rolled up my sleeves. I am a human being and I am in pain. I have been screaming for help and no one is listening. Fuck that, I'm going to make them listen.

I know what you mean, and my earlier statement wasn't to damn those who do cut for attentnion, because that's just a valid of a reason as anything else. Attention is attention, no matter how you get it.

I just meant that emo's aren't like that. A lot of them are just more open about their SI than "regular" people who SI.


-lauren

[t_k]

My $0.02 is that anyone who's looking for attention hard enough to cut themselves and parade it around needs the attention for one reason or another but they need to see a professional, not trigger random people for no reason.

As for emo... It's a trend that different people interpret different ways. get over it. They write poetry, they wear too much eyeliner, they bitch constantly. Take heart in the fact that, despite their constant b!tching about no one loving them, they normally come in groups and can stay amongst themselves.

Emo's really just a joke in the groups I hang out in, something of a parody that most people use to disguise their feelings of empathy towards those who dress in black, listen to depressing music, feel sad but aren't quite goths.


Also, most goths I know have scars but they don't parade them, they simply just don't care. People often seem to come in extremes, it just so happens that the extremes which are goth and emo appeal to a more depressed, creative and burdened type of people.

[Green Beauty]

My $0.02 is that anyone who's looking for attention hard enough to cut themselves and parade it around needs the attention for one reason or another but they need to see a professional, not trigger random people for no reason.

Well Skyeler has already what i was going to reply to this so i will just quote what he has said.

The outside world is not created so that every single person can be safe all the time, it's ridiculous to think that every person stands in front of their mirrors in the morning and goes "now am I showing/wearing anything today that might potentially hurt or trigger someone"

No, because t hat's just not how life goes, if everything in this entire world had triggers on it... well it just be pathetic wouldn't it.

This goes back to the quesiton of SI'ers wanting to be treated like normal people, you can't expect to be treated normally if you expect everyone who has scars to walk on eggshells because they coudl potentially trigger someone.

And also those who get triggered are the one's who need help. 'Normal' people dont see a scar and then get an urge to injure themselves. It isnt just the person who has the scars that needs help. Maybe they don't need help anymore. But its the person who is triggered that needs the help.

[Skyeler]

I've never been quoted so much in my entire life



But yeah... I think everything that needed to be said has been said....

Although... thinking about it... I wear too much eyeliner... but yet I don'T have an emo posse to hang out with.



I always get screwed over

[pretty]

I wear too much eyeliner... but yet I don'T have an emo posse to hang out with.

Hey, me too. No fair

And there you go, quoted again

[Tori1989]

I suppose my problem is not having my self harm or depression taken seriously because of other people's actions.

This is what i'm talking about. I'm not saying that emo's are bad people, or that they haven't got real problems, but they are stereotyped as cutting for 'fun', and therefore, people who arn't cutting for this reason are being accused of being emo, and arn't getting the help they need.

So you guys arn't bothered by people parading round with their cuts on show, good for you, and I agree that people can do whatever they want to do, but it personally bothers me and makes me feel uncomfortable. I just want to be able to go to college care free and get on with my studys, but I can't do that with this constant nervous feeling inside and SI on my mind. I'm not blaming anyone for this, but this is a coping forum, and i'm just trying to cope with something that personally bothers me.

[pretty]

I think it's the stereotype that's the problem, like with so many things.

I think stereotyping self-injurers as attention seeking is an easy way for people to get their heads around si. So long as we don't have *real* problems, no one has to do anything to help us or think about how awful it is to feel that the only way to deal with your feelings is to hurt yourself. If that makes sense.

[Naiia]

I think it's the stereotype that's the problem, like with so many things.

I think stereotyping self-injurers as attention seeking is an easy way for people to get their heads around si. So long as we don't have *real* problems, no one has to do anything to help us or think about how awful it is to feel that the only way to deal with your feelings is to hurt yourself. If that makes sense.

Exactly!