Failing to cope

[spanishfly]

I last logged on in janaury and since then I havent had a computer, I used to SI, but I a shall use that loosely now as im slipping again and slowly returning to that road. I dont have the will power to fight it anymore and I have found myself lost, a few weeks I SI with a different tool but this only fueled my need to go further so I went straight to the doctors like my counsellors in the past had said, they were very good and arranged to for the crisis team to come out and see me within 24hrs, they assesed me and have written a letter to my doctor for a counsellor all I have to do is go to the doctor and arrange it...that was 2 weeks ago, I have lost the will to see it through, I dont know why I just dont have the motivation to, my odd dreams and thoughts are coming back, I only sleep for a couple of hours each night I drink way too much everyday, starting from as early as midday and my cravings are bigger than I ever remember them, i dont want to go back to the old ways, I cant SI safely I always end up in a+e, the last a+e department I went the doctor told me not to come back. I want to tell my girlfriend this but she used to SI and is having a difficult time with coping aswell, I dont want to burden her with my problems but at the same time I feel like im lieing to her. so my question is how do you hold your head up high when the world is falling apart around you? How do you resist the urge and keep the distractions working? I have tons of distraction methods but they dont work when im like this. I need help and im losing all my motivation to go get it, if I lose that I lose my will then my SI has won and i will be engulfed by it again.

[holli]

I am sorry you are having a tough time. You may have to literally force yourself to follow through with seeing the counselor. Can you call the crisis team again for assistance?

Do you have someone you can call... a friend, family member, minister, whatever who can talk with you?

I am only a week free of SI and I know what it's like to struggle with this. When the urges feel beyond me, I know I need to reach out.

I don't know if I am much help.
hang in there. OK?
holly

[holli]

I am sorry you are having a tough time. You may have to literally force yourself to follow through with seeing the counselor. Can you call the crisis team again for assistance?

Do you have someone you can call... a friend, family member, minister, whatever who can talk with you?

I am only a week free of SI and I know what it's like to struggle with this. When the urges feel beyond me, I know I need to reach out.

I don't know if I am much help.
hang in there. OK?
holly

[spanishfly]

thanks, Im just sorry to say that I have slipped back to the old ways and cut again, your right about forcing myself to see the counsellor, im going to do that first thing tomorrow when my gp is open. It is possible to live life without cutting, I have done it for 4 months untill today. my problems are just deeprooted, I shut everyone out and put up a brick wall so no one can come in untill the damage is done. Thanks again for your advice and support

[holli]

spanishfly~
I do the same thing!! I push people away. I very recently have not done that. I force myself to call a close friend (who happens to also be my minister) She is amazing and has literally saved my life. I always feel better after calling her or reaching out to another friend who knows. It's hard to do, but worth it! Also--talk with your girlfriend. Let her help you. You may very well validate your trust in her and validate her worth to you, which in turn, can help her!


sending some righteous energy and smiles and some of the love and strength I have recieved that has gotten me through~
holly