How do you talk for the first time?

[majic]

How do you trust that you won't be criticized? How can you believe that the people you confide in are truly caring? How do you get over the insecurities imbedded in your mind growing up? When my mother first suspected that I was hurting myself, she screamed at me, like I was just trying to make her look bad. So I told her I wasn't doing anything. She's been ignoring my scars for seven years now. I've talked to people my own age before, but it always felt like I was forgotten once I was out of their sightline. As of today, I haven't done anything for a month, but today the feeling was so overwhelming, I wanted to scream. But instead, I picked up a book and forced myself to ignore the itch, the want to cut. How do I start to believe that people truly want to help me, and aren't just saying that to make themselves feel better?

[Mia]

All I can say really is that I understand what you're going through. I think about those things everyday...how to trust people....how to be less insecure. It seems like I get more insecure the older I get and I have trouble talking to people my own age. I just wanted you to know there's someone out there who gets it.

To answer your last question...go by peoples actions, not what they say...that's what I have to trust...it's how i weed out the people who just want to temporarily satisfy your needs.

[mallie]

It really is hard to trust people with things that are so personal. There is almost no way to ever be certain about people - you need to take a leap of faith and trust them, before you can be sure that your trust has been given wisely. It can be really difficult, but it is worth taking the risk.

If people offer to help you, on some level they are willing to. How much they can offer, and what type of help they can give you is something that is going to be different for each person. Establishing boundaries with people can be really important - what is or isn't okay to talk about, can you call them if you're feeling urgy? even if it is late? - that sort of thing. If you work that out early on, there is less scope for problems later on.

Having a few people you can trust to talk to, and rely on for support is also a good idea. It means you need to take the risk again to trust another person, but it can be easier to open up again if you didn't encounter a bad reaction the first time. Having more people to rely on, your support people won't get to a point of feeling burnt out from having to be there for you all the time because there is other support available.

The risk can be worth it. Is there anyone in your life who you feel pretty certain about them having your best interests at heart? They could be good people to start with.

Good luck

[majic]

My circle of people is very limited. Everyone I get involved with as a friend tends to want something more from me, even the females around me. I don't know why, but I can't get people to just be happy with friendship, they all want a relationship.

Everyone's actions are different from their words, usually not in a good way. Trust is a very difficult thing to give people when they are telling me I can talk to them whenever I need them, but at the same time are trying to answer their phone.

Maybe I just don't attract the right kind of people. I don't know how to make new friends. I've never been good at it. People just kind of start talking to me on their own. How do I fix that?

[-Kel-]

the person i told first i felt i could trust ebcause of previous things she had said to me. she had upset me by giving me the truth in the past.. but in the long turm it turned out she was right... thats what i needed someone who cared but could still be truthful.

[mallie]

I'm not sure how one attracts the right kind of people. I don't think there are any surefire ways to make friends, or to ensure things go the way you want them to. Setting boundaries you're comfortable with early on can be a good idea, especially if you're finding people wanting to push things further than you're willing to let things go. Apart from good communication, I don't have any suggestions to make.

[katja]

its so hard to trust other people. if i persuade myself that i'm a strong person other peoples oppinions dont matter as much, if at all any more. I dont care if people make comments on my self harm these days, they can think what they want, as long as you know yourself what youve been through and what you've survived.