My bio

[golfrun]

Hi my name is Juanita- im 17. I say im coping because i lost both of my parents before age 5 1/2. Never met my mom, dad beat us forced us to eat butter and dog food only! he beat us 100 whopings when we woke up. 100 after school, and 200 before bed. when we wernt being whopped he made us stand with our noses against the wall and we wernt aloud to use the bathroom. finaly after putting up with this-which started when i was around 2, one of our neighborrs called the cops and that night me and my brother and sister was taken from my dad. the judge gave my dad a chance to get us back and he refused! he refused giving up 4 hours for counsling to get us back. So ive been in foster care for almost 12 years now. im now living with my tenth family. for a while i was living with my aunt even though i didnt want to live with her bc she too was abusive phyiscly and emotionaly. she kicked me out alot bc she didnt want me. i had to keep her house clean by myself plus i was expected to bring home a 4.0 report card every time. i would acidently miss a spot on a dish after washing them and put it away. she saw it and screams "i never wanted you in the first place i never shouldhave adopted you your worthless and i only did it for the money from the state. her son raped me and she just said oh well not only once either I told my best fried i was commiting suicide the next night and she told the police officer at my school so i didnt even get to go "home" that night. he took me to my aunts and tried to talk to her but she refused. he gave up and left. then she started throwing glass decorations at me and my school books. my theripst from dockside came over to try to talk to me. while she was over my aunt left and called her husband and told him she wasnt coming home to him untill i was gone for good. so instead of trying to get me help for my manic depression, bipolar,and other mental illnesses he called the cops on me and tried to get me arrested as uncontrolable teen. cop wouldnt take me, because she said i wasnt uncontrollable which i wasnt, but he wouldnt take me to the hospital either so my therapist did. then the hospital took me to a different hospital with a better observation floor. i was there for 1 month. thats when my whole real family said they never wanted anything to do with me again. now i have no contact with anyone in my real family. im alone. the hospital tried to find me a home but no one wanted me. finaly after trying 3 weeks every day they found someone in south bend so i moved again. I was cutting the whole time. i finally was put in another hospital and then residential. and thats when i moved in with my best friends family. which is where i am now. but before her i cut alot. when i was in hospitals i still managed to find stuff and cut. and i got put in resraints many times because of it. and now as it seems better to everyone else its still hard and i still havent got over losing my real family. my grandpa died about 1 month ago and it hard. i never got to say goodbye i missed his funeral. i want to cut so bad and am constantly fighting the erge. Ive had dreams this past 4 nights of me giving in again. i cant do this. the only family i have now is my bestfriend , her brother, her sister and her parents and thats it. why do i have to live a life full of misery? why is god putting me through this. my wounds just wont seem to heal, so much time cannot erease. If there is anyone out there who knows what im going through i need your help! even if you lost just 1 parent or both or even your whole entire family i need you!!! on Dec 5th it will be 1 year i havent SI that is if i can make it through i want to cut so bad it takes away my pain and i want the pain to go away and thats the only way i know to make it be gone. help! Please help!

[balletomane]

welcome to bus. I hope that you find this place helpful. I am sort of in a tough place right now, so I can't respond more fully, but I read.

[Sky]

Just letting you know I read and I care. That sounds like such a tough spot to be in. We can talk more if you want, because I don't want to make this a long post, but if you have msn or YIM it's in my profile, or you could just pm me.

In response to your poll, I grew up in the house with both my parents, but it was always fighting and breaking things. Every couple of years my dad would up and leave and cheat on my mom. She did the best she could to hold everything together for us until my sister and I were old enough to decide who we wanted to live with before she finally filed for divorce. I know what it's like to be hurt by people who are supposed to always be there for you and love you, but just know it's not your fault that these things happened to you...

If you want to talk I'm here, don't know how much help I can be.

-Leah.

[cocolovett]

hey Juanita. im so sorry that you are going through all this. it sounds so hard to deal with.
i lived with my mom & dad till i was 10 when my mom died. i lived with my dad & brother for a year & then my dad found a new wife.
i lived with my dad & stepmom from age 11 till i was 15 cuz she laid a hand on me.
since 15 ive been back with just my dad & my brother & im going to be 18 in 1 month.
my dad treats me like shit & i hate him so im moving out on my 18th birthday.
im moving in with my bestfriend.... i dont know if that will work out. if not i have some other friends that said they would try to hook me up with a place to stay... if i cant find a place im on the streets.
thats a little of my story.
if you would like to talk more, i would love to.
you can pm, aim, yim, msn me.. whatever works best for you.
i hope this helps even a little.
take care of yourself,
coco

[jamie28]

well, first hello from a fellow hoosier (bloomington area).

my mother left when i was 12, so me, my twin sis, and my brother were left with our father. he was abusive before mom left but she had done her best to keep him away from us. it got a lot worse after she left. he became more physically/emotionally abusive, and he also became sexually abusive.

i have not seen my mother in 25 years (i am 37 now) and i haven't seen my brother since i was 18 or 19. i have contacted them both and neither of them have replied so i am forced to conclude that they want nothing to do with me.

i don't know what it is like to be in a foster home, but i know what it is like to have family that does not want you and won't even answer a letter/e-mail. i know what it is like to be used sexually. i know what it is like to feel unloved and unwanted. i wish i could say you will quit missing your family. i hope you do but i never really have. it has gotten easier to tolerate but i still miss my mom and my brother more than i can say.

pm me if you want to talk.

jamie

[heartonmysleave]

oh honey...these people have tried to ruin your lif, they're not your family. they're just abusers who happen to share some genetics with you. your family are the people who love and care for you. my friends are my family. the people who are there for you are your family. be strong for yourself and the people who love you. don't cut because of the people who wanted to hurt you. fight to be happy and healthy for your best friend, and for you, you are worth more than what they did to you. who you are related to isn't important. YOU are important.