break ups with abusive boyfriends

[katja]

hi!
Im 18 and i've just broken up with my boyfriend who i was with for 2 years. I'm finding it hard to get support off my friends as a lot of them haven't had that sort of commitment because they are still so young. Its not just the fact that the relationship was so intense its that he was very manipulative and abusive, he used to beat me up everytime i self harmed and then blame it on me. I feel so ashamed that i let myself be treated in that way and so ashamed that i STILL really really love him. I'm scared to cut myself now i dont have any support from him and my self esteem is completely crushed. He knows I was sexually abused as a kid but he still keeps calling me a slut and stuff. I'd really like to hear from people who have been in simular situations because right now I feel like the only person who's going through this, even though i know there must be other people out there?
xxx kat

[pointeless]

Well I can relate to the manipulative and emtoional abuse but not the physcial. I was in a relationship of a year and a half with my ex that ended 8mtnhs ago now I was 17/18 during the rel.
When I self harmed he'd harm himself and make me watch, which in turn led to me harming more and it was a vicious circle. He was controlling, I wasn't allowed to see or be around other men without permission from him, he'd make threats to hurt himself if I didn't do something he asked of me. He used me for sex...(which I found pyscially painful at the time due to a medical issue) although that had no relvence to him, and pressured me into it alot with constant persistance and emotional blackmail, like don't you find me attractive anymore etc blah blah.
There were rows where he had in me an armlock or pinned against the floor/wall, but he never hit me thankfully.
I'm glad you got out. It's taken me these 8mtnhs to finally get over my ex, and it was only this past month I finally was able to say I don't love him anymore. He was the one who left me, I never left him, I would have sadly put up with it forever...foolishly!
I'm so sorry you've had so much happen to you. I only have a little idea of some of what you've been through, but I wanted to share what little understanding I do have.
It takes so much time to get over somebody, regardless of how they treated you. Love takes a long while to fall out of, but it will happen, eventually.
Hang in there and take care of yourself

[pretty]

I've been there, sort of

It's hard. It takes time, give yourself time. Be kind to yourself. It get's easier. slowly, but it really does.

One day you won't think of him everyday, and one day it won't feel like you're being ripped apart by it, I promise.

You deserve better.

[jamie28]

i can relate. my ex-wife was very abusive, in just about every way. i have no idea why i put up with it, since i could easily have stopped at least the physical part. but i didn't.

it takes time. and i know it hurts and even though you know what he did was wrong, you probably still feel lonely. but you DO deserve better.

let him go, work on you, and find someone that truely loves you.

jamie

[katja]

Thanks for all the replies, I dont feel so much of a wierdo now that I know it could happen to anyone really.