Laura
kharre's questions coping thread **si, su, others
Just a reminder that, if you're serious and would like others to help you look at your answers in more depth, the Before and After forum can provide that. You can view the forum to see what it's about, and to post, click Usergroups and request membership.
Laura
Laura
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badgirl22
- driving instructor
- Posts: 5657
- Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2003 8:18 am
- Location: Bay area, CA USA
- Contact:
my post
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I had a major fight with husband over communication, and I feel helpless and stuck not able to get out because I feel he isn't doing his part in trying to communicate so our marrige could be better, and he blames me for everything making me the bad gal.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? yes, before I downed so much sleeping pills that I blacked out for 2 days and didn't tell anyone till a week later. I felt guilty for doing it but glad I did it because it helped me get away from my shit for a while..it helped calm my head a bit, and helped me escape reality for a while.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I spent time with Lear, doing stars, projects, and I drank 2 big glasses of rum and coke I think it was..I was much better after that. I can read, I can watch movies, I can do dbt homework
How do I feel right now? Right now I feel a bit better because I got threw without cutting although I don't really know if drinking is any better..
How will I feel when I am hurting myself? numb
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? guilty, but good because it worked short term. Long term I will have to deal with scars
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? No to the first question, and I can try to communicate my plans in a better more effeciant and more organized mannor.
Do I need to hurt myself? Yes, I feel as though I am always the bad guy and in order to get rid of my badness I need to hurt myself in one form or another. (Even though I need to hurt myself I am trying very hard not too and doing alternatives to help short term.)
I had a major fight with husband over communication, and I feel helpless and stuck not able to get out because I feel he isn't doing his part in trying to communicate so our marrige could be better, and he blames me for everything making me the bad gal.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? yes, before I downed so much sleeping pills that I blacked out for 2 days and didn't tell anyone till a week later. I felt guilty for doing it but glad I did it because it helped me get away from my shit for a while..it helped calm my head a bit, and helped me escape reality for a while.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I spent time with Lear, doing stars, projects, and I drank 2 big glasses of rum and coke I think it was..I was much better after that. I can read, I can watch movies, I can do dbt homework
How do I feel right now? Right now I feel a bit better because I got threw without cutting although I don't really know if drinking is any better..
How will I feel when I am hurting myself? numb
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? guilty, but good because it worked short term. Long term I will have to deal with scars
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? No to the first question, and I can try to communicate my plans in a better more effeciant and more organized mannor.
Do I need to hurt myself? Yes, I feel as though I am always the bad guy and in order to get rid of my badness I need to hurt myself in one form or another. (Even though I need to hurt myself I am trying very hard not too and doing alternatives to help short term.)
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bonita_05
- creating your space
- Posts: 194
- Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 11:41 pm
- Location: Kansas
- Contact:
question thingie
no.no.no.no.no.sine nomine wrote:
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i'm so depressed and low, feeling very lonely and alone.- Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
yes. i ate. i felt fat- What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i ate some food and now i feel like puking (not purging though just a tummyache) call a friend- How do I feel right now?
lonely alone depressed worthless- How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
relieved. numb.- How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
relieved. tired. drained.
angry. like im a dissappointment. self hating. worthless- Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
not sit at home on the computer all night- Do I need to hurt myself?
SI Free~June 23 2005 <a href="http://www.imood.com/users/bonita_05"><img src="http://moods.imood.com/display/uname=bo ... /imood.gif" alt="The current mood of bonita_05 at www.imood.com" border="0"></a>
<a href=http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... 68#1533668> "My Place~The 7th Ring of My Hell </a># Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I can't really put it in proper words. Some days, I think of hurting myself and some days, I actually do hurt myself. It's unpredictable as to when I am going to just 'lose it'. I have been through awful experiences and have never really gone all the way to manifest my thoughts of SH to the actual physical act until last night. Think of it as running water on a bucket and last night, the water overflowed.
# Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been SHing since I was really young, yet I haven't really realised it until just then. I don't want to get into details about it. But I now believe that I really should get professional help. I've always thought that I could let go of my past and renew myself, but it's not true.
# What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I need to keep myself motivated. There is one thing that keeps me hanging on, and that is art. Most of my life has been for that one thing - from my interaction with people to the act of making something. I have to keep myself positive. I need to be distracted and I need to be busy. The last thing I want to do is let my wander, for too long, into the negative area, the grey zones, into the triggers.
# How do I feel right now?
I'm feeling rather tired and anxious. I have just come across this trigger and have decided to avoid it and go to this site. Thinking about the fact that I have a choice to not feel anger, shame, hurt, etc through avoidance makes me feel better. I am feeling physically hurt and emotionally and mentally vulnerable. So far, this hasn't turned into an SI-night.
# How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I SH myself externally and internally, in the physical sense. Mentally, I am vulnerable there too. I would feel curiosity, relief due to this action, anger, hate, regret. The biggest feeling I get is purpose - that I am doing something.
# How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
There is a mixture of feelings and most of it changes. I can't describe it, because it changes. It depends on the context.
# Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Yes, I think it is possible to avoid certain stressors. There are some that I just can't avoid, but I can still do something about it. I am feeling unsure about what the future will hold for me because I know that I will get good and bad days. I don't know how I am going to deal with my stressor.
# Do I need to hurt myself?
I need to do something about this issue. I don't think that I am going through what I like to call a "bad phase".I really need help. But it upsets me that I have just found out about this at a very stressful yea rin my life - the last year of high school.[/b]
I can't really put it in proper words. Some days, I think of hurting myself and some days, I actually do hurt myself. It's unpredictable as to when I am going to just 'lose it'. I have been through awful experiences and have never really gone all the way to manifest my thoughts of SH to the actual physical act until last night. Think of it as running water on a bucket and last night, the water overflowed.
# Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been SHing since I was really young, yet I haven't really realised it until just then. I don't want to get into details about it. But I now believe that I really should get professional help. I've always thought that I could let go of my past and renew myself, but it's not true.
# What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I need to keep myself motivated. There is one thing that keeps me hanging on, and that is art. Most of my life has been for that one thing - from my interaction with people to the act of making something. I have to keep myself positive. I need to be distracted and I need to be busy. The last thing I want to do is let my wander, for too long, into the negative area, the grey zones, into the triggers.
# How do I feel right now?
I'm feeling rather tired and anxious. I have just come across this trigger and have decided to avoid it and go to this site. Thinking about the fact that I have a choice to not feel anger, shame, hurt, etc through avoidance makes me feel better. I am feeling physically hurt and emotionally and mentally vulnerable. So far, this hasn't turned into an SI-night.
# How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I SH myself externally and internally, in the physical sense. Mentally, I am vulnerable there too. I would feel curiosity, relief due to this action, anger, hate, regret. The biggest feeling I get is purpose - that I am doing something.
# How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
There is a mixture of feelings and most of it changes. I can't describe it, because it changes. It depends on the context.
# Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Yes, I think it is possible to avoid certain stressors. There are some that I just can't avoid, but I can still do something about it. I am feeling unsure about what the future will hold for me because I know that I will get good and bad days. I don't know how I am going to deal with my stressor.
# Do I need to hurt myself?
I need to do something about this issue. I don't think that I am going through what I like to call a "bad phase".I really need help. But it upsets me that I have just found out about this at a very stressful yea rin my life - the last year of high school.[/b]
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scarredheart
- meeting the neighbors
- Posts: 426
- Joined: Tue May 24, 2005 12:23 pm
- Location: Lockport, NY
- Contact:
I have these questions...
Yeah, these question are in my journal thing in my room. I write the answers down on a separate piece of paper, when I feel the need to cut. Then I look at them the next morning to see what was going through my head. The answers differ almost everytime, but they are all similar in a way. I hate the feeling when you just feel the urge to hurt. Like it's something you have[/i] to do. When your heart just sinks, b/c you've gone to long without you "medicine." I've been feeling like that a lot lately.
Anyway, thanks for the questions
Xxmuch lovexX
--
Scarredheart
Anyway, thanks for the questions
Xxmuch lovexX
--
Scarredheart
They leave me cold. I can't help but wonder why I even bother at all, Jack sighed heavily. I'm sick of scaring everyone. I want to do something different. But I just don't know what, he told his little dog. Why don't I know Zero, why? Sally's ragdoll heart melted. Jack was suffering just as she was. She stood up, wanting to reach out to him. I know how you feel, she whispered under her breath, almost hoping he'd hear. But it was too late.
Lost in sorrow, Jack was gone. A tear rolled down Sally's face.
----The Nightmare Before Christmas----
Lost in sorrow, Jack was gone. A tear rolled down Sally's face.
----The Nightmare Before Christmas----
**trigs, of course**
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? Keep having recurring thought about cutting my neck open.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? Yes. I ignored it. It never went away.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? Posted on BUS, got my friends at church to pray with/for me.
Go make some pasta. Sleep. Pack the rest of my stuff for moving house...
How do I feel right now? Sick. Tired. Restless. Supported. Tempted.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself? Better. Worse. Relieved. Alone.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? Horrible. Guilty. Relieved. Distracted by having SHed, instead of distracted by wanting to SH.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? I don't know how to stop the thoughts that invade my mind.
Do I need to hurt myself? Not yet.
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? Keep having recurring thought about cutting my neck open.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? Yes. I ignored it. It never went away.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? Posted on BUS, got my friends at church to pray with/for me.
Go make some pasta. Sleep. Pack the rest of my stuff for moving house...
How do I feel right now? Sick. Tired. Restless. Supported. Tempted.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself? Better. Worse. Relieved. Alone.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? Horrible. Guilty. Relieved. Distracted by having SHed, instead of distracted by wanting to SH.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? I don't know how to stop the thoughts that invade my mind.
Do I need to hurt myself? Not yet.
"You loosen my chains and just ask me to trust you. But it's so much easier this way, even though I know that I am bound."
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caged bird
- board admin emeritus
- Posts: 22909
- Joined: Mon Jul 15, 2002 2:51 pm
- Location: UK Age 24
- Contact:
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I'm not sure i need to hurt myself, i just need 'something' it's been that long now I'm not sure it's clear what i'm wanting - just something to make it better
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've always been here before - that's part of the problem, it's that it just keeps going round and round and i cope and then it comes back, and now i'm tired of trying becasue i know if i get thru this it'll just ocme back again anyways
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I'm here, i'm nowhere near anyhting i can SI with, i've tried doing things but there's nothing to do
How do I feel right now?
I can't even begin to describe it i just know it doesn't feel right, i feel like i want to cry i feel left out and depressed
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
guilty
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
guilty and disappoonted in myself and prolly more depressed
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't think so, if i knew that i'd have avoided it this time round, i guess i just have to learn to liv with it
Do I need to hurt myself?
quite possibly but i know i can't becasue too much rests on it
I'm not sure i need to hurt myself, i just need 'something' it's been that long now I'm not sure it's clear what i'm wanting - just something to make it better
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've always been here before - that's part of the problem, it's that it just keeps going round and round and i cope and then it comes back, and now i'm tired of trying becasue i know if i get thru this it'll just ocme back again anyways
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I'm here, i'm nowhere near anyhting i can SI with, i've tried doing things but there's nothing to do
How do I feel right now?
I can't even begin to describe it i just know it doesn't feel right, i feel like i want to cry i feel left out and depressed
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
guilty
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
guilty and disappoonted in myself and prolly more depressed
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't think so, if i knew that i'd have avoided it this time round, i guess i just have to learn to liv with it
Do I need to hurt myself?
quite possibly but i know i can't becasue too much rests on it
Being almost devastated is horrible because it lingers. But total devastation brings a kind of peace. It lets you give up.
Thieves and Kings: Volume Two by Mark Oakly
The line between normal and crazy seemed impossibly thin. A person would have to be an expert tightrope walker in order not to fall.
Running with scissors - Augusten Burroughs
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badgirl22
- driving instructor
- Posts: 5657
- Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2003 8:18 am
- Location: Bay area, CA USA
- Contact:
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I got a call from my group theropist and apperently the two girls I went up to and said "oh shit I am bleeding" told her and now I have to do "repairing" work like an essay, and appoligy notes, and such and now I feel really bad about group, and I can't take it.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?Not in this situation before..well sort of..but the people delt with it differently..I felt really bad then because I was relying on my group people to help me out of a situation that I really needed to deal with with a professional. I felt crapy, depressed, and really wanting to SI multiple times
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I have done my homework, and I am writing here on bus. After this I will try the ice on my wrist thing.
How do I feel right now??
I feel guilty, crapy, like I am bad, like I want to shut down and go into a shell, like I don't want to interact with people anymore
How will I feel while I am hurting myself?
I will feel relieved, like the bad is leaving my body..like my badness is going away with the blood
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel bad and frustrated at myself for doing something that is counterproductive. I will also feel relieved that I got the bad out.
Do I need to hurt myself? I feel like I do right now..but hopefully I can do something that will hold me off for a while before I choose to do it.
I got a call from my group theropist and apperently the two girls I went up to and said "oh shit I am bleeding" told her and now I have to do "repairing" work like an essay, and appoligy notes, and such and now I feel really bad about group, and I can't take it.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?Not in this situation before..well sort of..but the people delt with it differently..I felt really bad then because I was relying on my group people to help me out of a situation that I really needed to deal with with a professional. I felt crapy, depressed, and really wanting to SI multiple times
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I have done my homework, and I am writing here on bus. After this I will try the ice on my wrist thing.
How do I feel right now??
I feel guilty, crapy, like I am bad, like I want to shut down and go into a shell, like I don't want to interact with people anymore
How will I feel while I am hurting myself?
I will feel relieved, like the bad is leaving my body..like my badness is going away with the blood
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel bad and frustrated at myself for doing something that is counterproductive. I will also feel relieved that I got the bad out.
Do I need to hurt myself? I feel like I do right now..but hopefully I can do something that will hold me off for a while before I choose to do it.
Do I need to hurt myself?
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I was feeling bad cos someone had been having a go at me, even though the incident was nothing I had done and beyond my control. I was generally feeling low and out of sorts, like I couldn't do nothing right, and I was losing it. I also put it down to "women's problems".
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've SI'd before over arguments with my partner - usually we've managed to talk it through, even though he claims my SI just makes the situation worse, that there's "no need" and I'm just making a big deal of it. Generally, we've had discussions over things on the back of one of my SI episodes. I've always felt inadequate and that SI is a crime (he has come right out and said this!)
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've come and posted on here - I might copy this post to my Livejournal or vent my frustrations to a few friends over MSN if anyone comes online that I can talk to.
How do I feel right now?
Pretty low - my stomach's hurting cos of my "monthlies" and I'm getting closer and closer to picking something up that I can cut myself with.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel like I've taken the easy way out, when I could have dealt with it better.However, I will also release my frustrations with myself for being useless.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel disappointed and wonder how I will cover the scars *is praying that it will be cold enough to wear long sleeves just in case*
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can stop using SI as a means of preventing arguments with my partner, and tell myself that doing that only makes the problem worse, especially if we've argued over a trivial matter.
Do I need to hurt myself?
No, but I may feel like doing it anyway, just as a release.
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I was feeling bad cos someone had been having a go at me, even though the incident was nothing I had done and beyond my control. I was generally feeling low and out of sorts, like I couldn't do nothing right, and I was losing it. I also put it down to "women's problems".
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've SI'd before over arguments with my partner - usually we've managed to talk it through, even though he claims my SI just makes the situation worse, that there's "no need" and I'm just making a big deal of it. Generally, we've had discussions over things on the back of one of my SI episodes. I've always felt inadequate and that SI is a crime (he has come right out and said this!)
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've come and posted on here - I might copy this post to my Livejournal or vent my frustrations to a few friends over MSN if anyone comes online that I can talk to.
How do I feel right now?
Pretty low - my stomach's hurting cos of my "monthlies" and I'm getting closer and closer to picking something up that I can cut myself with.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel like I've taken the easy way out, when I could have dealt with it better.However, I will also release my frustrations with myself for being useless.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel disappointed and wonder how I will cover the scars *is praying that it will be cold enough to wear long sleeves just in case*
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can stop using SI as a means of preventing arguments with my partner, and tell myself that doing that only makes the problem worse, especially if we've argued over a trivial matter.
Do I need to hurt myself?
No, but I may feel like doing it anyway, just as a release.
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I feel scared and hurt and a little bit angry. Mostly scared though.How do I feel right now?
I will feel in control and calm and relaxed and focused.How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I'll feel really angry after hurting myself, more triggered to hurt myself more. I'll feel so ashamed tomorrow, self-hatred for slipping and ruining an 88-day SI free streak. I'll feel sick when thinking about telling my therapist.How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I don't know how to avoid this stressor, that's the problem. I'm sure I can deal with it better in the future. I need to find a way to deal with it better tonight too.Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
No, but I still have the urges . . .Do I need to hurt myself?
"If I owned Texas and hell, I'd rent out Texas and live in hell." ~Former US Senator, on touring Texas in the 1800s
*hugs are ALWAYS welcome*
*SI free July 22, 2006-October -November 5, 2010*
*SI free since April 28, 2012*
trying to answer after the fact re: how i felt before...
sine nomine wrote:
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
my dad was mean to me for no reason; someone who i like is stringing me along and im going with it because i am dumb like that- Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
yes, distracted myself, angrier the next time- What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i cut, write about it or surf around BUS- How do I feel right now?
better, but i cut- How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
mad, desperate, needy, stupid- How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
i feel better but stupid for cutting when i dont really NEED to, tomorrow i will be mad for doing it? or annoyed or ashamed- Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
not really, and probably but im not sure how- Do I need to hurt myself?
no, neverbut that probably wont stop me
"I didn't promise you it would be easy,
I promised you it would be worth it." - 3AM
Always remember that everything is okay in the end - if it's not okay, then it isn't the end.
If I knew all the words I would write myself out of here...
I promised you it would be worth it." - 3AM
Always remember that everything is okay in the end - if it's not okay, then it isn't the end.
If I knew all the words I would write myself out of here...
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GlassWings
- creating your space
- Posts: 161
- Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2005 2:29 pm
- Location: Canada
- Contact:
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel guilty and worry that I'm only looking for attention. It bothers me because there are people worse off than myself. I feel angry because I don't want to stop and that makes me want to hurt even more.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, I pushed my emotions away and faked happiness in order to keep people from paying attention to my deeper feelings.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've done a lot of scribbling on construction paper (should be called safety paper; you can't get a paper cut at all). I'm still looking for better strategies.
How do I feel right now?
Angry and frustrated. Also really 'itchy' because I'm thinking about how long I still have to go.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I'll feel numb and a little guilty.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Relieved, comforted, in control afterwards but bad again the next morning.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I'm not sure... I'm not sure I want to. O__o; That would make me feel guilty too.
Do I need to hurt myself?
I feel like I do...
I feel guilty and worry that I'm only looking for attention. It bothers me because there are people worse off than myself. I feel angry because I don't want to stop and that makes me want to hurt even more.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, I pushed my emotions away and faked happiness in order to keep people from paying attention to my deeper feelings.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've done a lot of scribbling on construction paper (should be called safety paper; you can't get a paper cut at all). I'm still looking for better strategies.
How do I feel right now?
Angry and frustrated. Also really 'itchy' because I'm thinking about how long I still have to go.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I'll feel numb and a little guilty.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Relieved, comforted, in control afterwards but bad again the next morning.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I'm not sure... I'm not sure I want to. O__o; That would make me feel guilty too.
Do I need to hurt myself?
I feel like I do...
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<i>People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say "Move along"
Their minds say "Gotcha heart"
Let's move it along</i>
<a href="http://not-that-perfect.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">My Blog</a>
(caution: triggers)</center>
<i>People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say "Move along"
Their minds say "Gotcha heart"
Let's move it along</i>
<a href="http://not-that-perfect.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">My Blog</a>
(caution: triggers)</center>
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horsecrazy80
- one of us
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2005 9:08 am
- Location: Arizona
- Contact:
Yes, I need to stop the shit somehowsine nomine wrote:
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? I have been awake all night, unable to sleep. Urges are out of control.
- Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? Not sure, if I was here I cut, I felt anxious.
- What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I watched a movie, played on the net. I don't know at this point.
- How do I feel right now? Tired, annoyed, angry, upset, confused
- How will I feel when I am hurting myself? maybe mad, I usually dissociate
- How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? It depends, I may feel calm or I may feel really guilty.
- Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? If my Seroquel would work I could sleep
- Do I need to hurt myself?
I'm sorry I make it impossible for you to love me.
I found myself today, Oh I found myself and ran away........
I found myself today, Oh I found myself and ran away........
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I'm under so much stress. It's making me nervous. I don't feel like I am dealing with it well, making good decisions or choices. I don't feel like I'm helping anyone or anything, that I am not doing enough. I feel like a failure. The reality is that I have done some good, I just can't solve anyone's problems, not even my own. My family that had evacuated from New Orleans left this morning. They'd been staying here. One of my brothers' is having a rough time mentally and I couldn't get him to see anyone about it. He's in bad shape. I had surgery on Monday and have been overdoing it, though physically, I feel fine. My husband left town yesterday to be with his mother, who is dying. And I have to go for a second mamogram Monday because they wat to see "something" better. I'm so overwhelmed. I want to have a drink, but I overdid that last night. I want to take a valium to calm down. But I don't think it would be good for me. That leaves cutting. But I've done too much of that since my family has been here. If I do more, I'll have a hard time hiding it. I need some relief from all this. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, but I'm not sure I've ever had this much bearing down on me. Of course I've done all those non-productive things to deal with it. But also, working out seems to help. I can't do that yet because of surgery, nor can I take a hot bath for that same reason. I've tried to sleep some, but I can't. I only got two hours sleep last night. I'm sure that is contributing to not feeling well. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've got some calm music on. I called my T. She called me back. But I don't know what to say. I've seen her so sporatically these last few months for any number of reasons, sometimes due to me, sometimes because of her schedule. I couldn't figure any thing out. She didn't have a lot of time and I felt bad for calling her. But she said she'd be around all weekend. I could try calling a friend, but I'm so tired of talking about all this. I just want to escape. - How do I feel right now?
I feel a little calmer -- just for writing about it. I feel good that I've been able to put off cutting this long -- all morning. But I still feel like crying. That's why I'm scared to go into work. I might just break down. I feel scared and alone. I am worried about my brothers, family, friends, city ( I moved from New Orleans 7 years ago and had a really hard time leaving). I feel inadequate. I ignored my kids (OK, not totally) for the weeks my family was here. I feel guilty. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Calm, determined, in control, relieved, justified. Wow, just imagining cutting to see how it would feel, gave me some of those feelings. I'm calmer, not shaking, and breathing a bit deeper. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Maybe I'd be calmer. I'd feel regret. I'd be angry at myself. Maybe I'd be more focused, able to move ahead and act on something, get something done.
Tomorrow morning I will feel stupid, a failure, right back in the same boat. The cutting won't change a thing. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't think I can avoid these stressors. I can maybe try to convince myself that since I can't avoid them, I can't control them. I need to focus on my response more than on the worry.
Of course, I could deal better with it in the future. But will I? Well, I could have dealt with it worse too. It's a hard time right now and I need to give myself a break. - Do I need to hurt myself?
I don't need to hurt myself. I kind of still want to, just because I'm too lazy/tired to do anything else that takes more effort. It would be the easy way out right now. But having written about it helps me know that it won't change anything except that I'll have more cuts to hide. It'll actually just make it worse.
Vice President, ANSA
Hang on, hang in, hang tough, hang out,
but don't hang up!
FELOn - saved on the ARC
Hang on, hang in, hang tough, hang out,
but don't hang up!
FELOn - saved on the ARC
# Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel really down and angry and just full of bad things
My family hate each other, we just tried to do the family thing - it didn't work - now there's a surprise.
I'm excited about starting something new and having new oppertunities, I wish they could be happy for me but i've been told to stop gloating and showing off.
my mum is so mean to everyone, i hate it.
I cant even have a cigarette because my family don't know I smoke and it would cause so much agro.
# Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, so many times. SI,alcohol, weed, talk to friends, sleep, cat, music, exersise, do some drawing
# What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me
I already hurt me, but managed to stop. msn, be here, i could play music or draw i guess
# How do I feel right now?
horrible
# How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
numb concentrated
# How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
calmer, I will be able to sleep. Tomorrow I will be in pain and embrassed, annoyed with myself because I wont be able to do the things i enjoy and might have to lie to people who care about me.
# Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
See less of my family, do not drink in these situations
# Do I need to hurt myself?
no
I feel really down and angry and just full of bad things
My family hate each other, we just tried to do the family thing - it didn't work - now there's a surprise.
I'm excited about starting something new and having new oppertunities, I wish they could be happy for me but i've been told to stop gloating and showing off.
my mum is so mean to everyone, i hate it.
I cant even have a cigarette because my family don't know I smoke and it would cause so much agro.
# Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, so many times. SI,alcohol, weed, talk to friends, sleep, cat, music, exersise, do some drawing
# What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me
I already hurt me, but managed to stop. msn, be here, i could play music or draw i guess
# How do I feel right now?
horrible
# How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
numb concentrated
# How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
calmer, I will be able to sleep. Tomorrow I will be in pain and embrassed, annoyed with myself because I wont be able to do the things i enjoy and might have to lie to people who care about me.
# Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
See less of my family, do not drink in these situations
# Do I need to hurt myself?
no
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snorkmaiden
- creating your space
- Posts: 242
- Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2005 4:35 pm
- Location: Scotland
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i'm scared. tomorrow at work is going to be hard and i don't know if i can deal with it. i want something to help get me through tomorrow & i feel like its too late to do anything useful.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
mmm... i've often chickened out of doing things when i've felt like this! phoned in sick or something. felt - relief cos i didn't have to deal with it. other 'coping' strategies are alcohol (hangover) food (ed - not good), od.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
so far... stayed on the computer, played silly games & looked at tattoo galleries to get ideas for my next one.
what else..? i only have to get thru the next 2 1/2 hrs till my bf comes home. i need some sleep, maybe if i put some music on i'll be able to rest a bit?
then tomorrow i can make sure i don't have my tools, tell Janet (friend at work) i'm not feeling good & need a hug.
my bellybutton ring is still hurting a bit, that'll act as a kind of grounder, i hope.
How do I feel right now?
tense. like i've been stretched too far & am going to break. writing all this down is helping.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
this one's hard.... concentrated. focussed. exhilarated. satisfying. release.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
having fresh cuts grounds me, i can feel them & know that i'm real and i matter and i-have-a-secret-no-one-knows. i can detatch myself from whats going on & not let it affect me so much.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i could avoid it, but it wouldn't be a good idea, i need this placement to pass my course. i know it'll get easier the more i do it, it's just i've been out of work so long & this is all new to me!
dealing with it better - i suppose i should try not to hold in my feelings so much, i feel like a baby if i admit to being scared of going to work, but there are people i can talk to & even writing it down helps me get things clearer in my head.
Do I need to hurt myself?
not right now, i've managed to calm down a bit by writing this. it would make things sooooooooooo much easier tho!
i'm scared. tomorrow at work is going to be hard and i don't know if i can deal with it. i want something to help get me through tomorrow & i feel like its too late to do anything useful.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
mmm... i've often chickened out of doing things when i've felt like this! phoned in sick or something. felt - relief cos i didn't have to deal with it. other 'coping' strategies are alcohol (hangover) food (ed - not good), od.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
so far... stayed on the computer, played silly games & looked at tattoo galleries to get ideas for my next one.
what else..? i only have to get thru the next 2 1/2 hrs till my bf comes home. i need some sleep, maybe if i put some music on i'll be able to rest a bit?
then tomorrow i can make sure i don't have my tools, tell Janet (friend at work) i'm not feeling good & need a hug.
my bellybutton ring is still hurting a bit, that'll act as a kind of grounder, i hope.
How do I feel right now?
tense. like i've been stretched too far & am going to break. writing all this down is helping.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
this one's hard.... concentrated. focussed. exhilarated. satisfying. release.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
having fresh cuts grounds me, i can feel them & know that i'm real and i matter and i-have-a-secret-no-one-knows. i can detatch myself from whats going on & not let it affect me so much.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i could avoid it, but it wouldn't be a good idea, i need this placement to pass my course. i know it'll get easier the more i do it, it's just i've been out of work so long & this is all new to me!
dealing with it better - i suppose i should try not to hold in my feelings so much, i feel like a baby if i admit to being scared of going to work, but there are people i can talk to & even writing it down helps me get things clearer in my head.
Do I need to hurt myself?
not right now, i've managed to calm down a bit by writing this. it would make things sooooooooooo much easier tho!
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BringMeToLife
- settling in
- Posts: 85
- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 6:07 pm
- Contact:
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? To numb the 'pain' so I can focus on everyday things. What has brought me to this point? Can't really say yet
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? yes but not this far, I just avoided it until I couldn't any more
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I could talk about it with somebody or write about it.
How do I feel right now? nervous and anxious
How will I feel when I am hurting myself? Angry and sad
How will I feel after hurting myself? Sometimes I'll feel pleased with myself, other times I'll feel stupid. How will I feel tomorrow morning? Ashamed
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? Yes, but I dont know how
Do I need to hurt myself? No
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? yes but not this far, I just avoided it until I couldn't any more
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I could talk about it with somebody or write about it.
How do I feel right now? nervous and anxious
How will I feel when I am hurting myself? Angry and sad
How will I feel after hurting myself? Sometimes I'll feel pleased with myself, other times I'll feel stupid. How will I feel tomorrow morning? Ashamed
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? Yes, but I dont know how
Do I need to hurt myself? No
* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It will allow me to express my anger in private. I will feel better afterwards and calmer - so in a better place to analyse the situation rationally and figure out what to do about it.
*what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a calm head to the situation and stop me throwing in my job/crying in front of colleagues/generally being unprofessional.
It won't solve the problem in its own right. It is only a means to an end. It won't take anything away from the current situation, but it will take away over 1 year SI-free. It will also make it harder to resist the urges in the future.
*how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel calm, grounded and stable in the longrun. SI is likely to get me farther from that feeling and make the journey longer.
*if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Depending on how seriously I SI the relief could last a day or two. By then it will be the weekend and I will have time to reflect without the risk of ending my career. I don't know what I will do then. Reflection doesn't achieve anything with me. Just puts of the general problem, allow it may make me more able to go to work next week with a clearer head.
*what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Go and have a drink with my ex-boss (who understands the situation). That's what I'm about to do in an attempt to feel better. This won't change the situation at work but may make me feel less urgy. Hopefully will lead to a clearer head.
*how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Disappointed at losing 1 year SI-free and scaried that I am becoming the person I used to be.
*what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to fucking shout the place down. I want to vent my anger at the MD and his side-kick. I want to scream and shout and yell.
I can honour the self-protective instinct by going for a drink with my ex-boss, having a long bath, watching crap tely, relaxing, going to bed early.
I am so triggered at the moment, I hope all of this works
It will allow me to express my anger in private. I will feel better afterwards and calmer - so in a better place to analyse the situation rationally and figure out what to do about it.
*what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a calm head to the situation and stop me throwing in my job/crying in front of colleagues/generally being unprofessional.
It won't solve the problem in its own right. It is only a means to an end. It won't take anything away from the current situation, but it will take away over 1 year SI-free. It will also make it harder to resist the urges in the future.
*how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel calm, grounded and stable in the longrun. SI is likely to get me farther from that feeling and make the journey longer.
*if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Depending on how seriously I SI the relief could last a day or two. By then it will be the weekend and I will have time to reflect without the risk of ending my career. I don't know what I will do then. Reflection doesn't achieve anything with me. Just puts of the general problem, allow it may make me more able to go to work next week with a clearer head.
*what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Go and have a drink with my ex-boss (who understands the situation). That's what I'm about to do in an attempt to feel better. This won't change the situation at work but may make me feel less urgy. Hopefully will lead to a clearer head.
*how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Disappointed at losing 1 year SI-free and scaried that I am becoming the person I used to be.
*what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to fucking shout the place down. I want to vent my anger at the MD and his side-kick. I want to scream and shout and yell.
I can honour the self-protective instinct by going for a drink with my ex-boss, having a long bath, watching crap tely, relaxing, going to bed early.
I am so triggered at the moment, I hope all of this works
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
So much. I don't even really know exactly why i feel the need to SI but the urge is so strong.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
yes, what i always do burry my feelings and keep them hiden
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Scratched at my arms. I don't know what to do...
How do I feel right now?
Stressed, like I can't do anything right... My chest hurts and all I want to do is make the pain stop!
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
So much better I will calm down and my chest will stop hurting
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Quilty, shamefull! Not understanding why i do this...
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I'm trying but so much of the time it gets out of control and I just freak out and want to punish my self.
Do I need to hurt myself?
No, I don't need to but I want to it helps me to calm down. I know I need to find soemthing else that will help me cope but it's so hard to stop!
So much. I don't even really know exactly why i feel the need to SI but the urge is so strong.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
yes, what i always do burry my feelings and keep them hiden
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Scratched at my arms. I don't know what to do...
How do I feel right now?
Stressed, like I can't do anything right... My chest hurts and all I want to do is make the pain stop!
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
So much better I will calm down and my chest will stop hurting
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Quilty, shamefull! Not understanding why i do this...
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I'm trying but so much of the time it gets out of control and I just freak out and want to punish my self.
Do I need to hurt myself?
No, I don't need to but I want to it helps me to calm down. I know I need to find soemthing else that will help me cope but it's so hard to stop!
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ultimate starshine
- buskateer
- Posts: 19332
- Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 7:28 pm
- Gender: Feeeeeeeeeemale
- Location: Uncivilised Society of the Uk.
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel I need to SI becuase I am finding it hard to reach my emotions. SI is the way i get my emotions back, the way I can control mty emotions.
I have gotten to this point becuase I feel no one understands me, no one likes/loves me and I have a lot of Sh!t in my life right Now i just dont think i can cope with it all.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been here before, many a time. I dont know how i deal with it, differently each time i suppose. The thingsd i normally do are writing my novel, being on here and other support forums, eatching a film or just trying to sleep.
after i tried to deal weith it i did feel better, but if i tried dealing with it and ciuldnt i felt a whle lot worse.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
to ease the discomfort, I have tried tlking to my friend about it online, and I have sat down and written and weatched films all day. I have alkways held ice for as long as possible in my hand to feel pain that way.
I dont know what else i can do apart from trying to sleep or continuing watching the films becuase its pretty late right now.
How do I feel right now?
Being blunt, becuase its the best thing here, i feel like SI'ing is the only thing i can do right now, like its the only thing that will make me feel better.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
When i am SI'ing i feel brilliant. On top of the world. I feel like nothing could hurt me, and i feel like my emotions are where they should be. puring out of me, leaving me so they cant hurt me, leaving me empty so I dont have to feel anything, anything at all.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Immediately after SI'ing, i will feel elated, brilliant.
Soon after the effects will start to wear off
Halfway through the night I will start to think how do i hide it, what do i say and I will start regreting it
Tomorrow morning I will feel horrible. I will feel as though i am weak, i couldnt get ast it without SI'ing and i will hate myself for giving in.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i cannot avoid the stresser. it is partof my life, part of my everyday happenings and is 100% unavoidable.
Do I need to hurt myself?
theoretically and emotionally- Yes definately
Realistically- No
I feel I need to SI becuase I am finding it hard to reach my emotions. SI is the way i get my emotions back, the way I can control mty emotions.
I have gotten to this point becuase I feel no one understands me, no one likes/loves me and I have a lot of Sh!t in my life right Now i just dont think i can cope with it all.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been here before, many a time. I dont know how i deal with it, differently each time i suppose. The thingsd i normally do are writing my novel, being on here and other support forums, eatching a film or just trying to sleep.
after i tried to deal weith it i did feel better, but if i tried dealing with it and ciuldnt i felt a whle lot worse.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
to ease the discomfort, I have tried tlking to my friend about it online, and I have sat down and written and weatched films all day. I have alkways held ice for as long as possible in my hand to feel pain that way.
I dont know what else i can do apart from trying to sleep or continuing watching the films becuase its pretty late right now.
How do I feel right now?
Being blunt, becuase its the best thing here, i feel like SI'ing is the only thing i can do right now, like its the only thing that will make me feel better.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
When i am SI'ing i feel brilliant. On top of the world. I feel like nothing could hurt me, and i feel like my emotions are where they should be. puring out of me, leaving me so they cant hurt me, leaving me empty so I dont have to feel anything, anything at all.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Immediately after SI'ing, i will feel elated, brilliant.
Soon after the effects will start to wear off
Halfway through the night I will start to think how do i hide it, what do i say and I will start regreting it
Tomorrow morning I will feel horrible. I will feel as though i am weak, i couldnt get ast it without SI'ing and i will hate myself for giving in.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i cannot avoid the stresser. it is partof my life, part of my everyday happenings and is 100% unavoidable.
Do I need to hurt myself?
theoretically and emotionally- Yes definately
Realistically- No
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