Can't stand my own skin

kitkats · Post by **kitkats** » Mon Jul 25, 2005 5:18 am

Please bare with me as this is my first post on this site. I just stumbled on this website last week, and I am glad that I found it. I had been SI free for close to 7 months, but in the past 3 weeks, I have started cutting again and the thoughts have become an obsession again. I absolutely despise myself for what I am doing, and yet anytime I feel overwhelmed, or almost any emotion, my first impulse is to SI. I can't really talk to family or my roommate and none of my co-workers know about it, so I am definately not opening up to them. There has just been so much going on, and it is just all building up, and the other coping skills I have, just aren't happening. Now that I hate myself for what I am doing, and the marks that I am leaving on my body, I just find myself getting more and more overwhelmed, which makes me want to SI more.

Can anyone relate to this or does anyone have any suggestions? If not, at least thanks for reading this.

Peace -

Kat

jaded melody · Post by **jaded melody** » Mon Jul 25, 2005 8:30 am

I sent you a PM

mallie · Post by **mallie** » Mon Jul 25, 2005 9:37 am

Hi Kat,

Firstly, welcome to BUS. This is a really great group, I hope you find the support you're looking for here.

There are lots of ideas for coping on this board. Some of them might work for you, some might not - they really vary from person to person in how effective they are.

The way you talk about things building up suggests to me that you don't have an outlet to talk about and deal with how you're feeling. My first thought is that if you're not seeing a therapist, it might be worth starting. You don't need to be mentally ill or out of control to be helped by therapy - it can be useful for anyone. Might be worth thinking about.

What can be more useful sometimes than trying to address the SI, is to address what is making you overhelmed. What can you do to stop getting to that point where SI seems almost automatic? If you're not sure, looking at the questions on the before and after board, and trying to answer them, could help clarify things a little for you.

What coping skills have you used before that did work? Can you think of any reasons why they don't work anymore?

badgirl22 · Post by **badgirl22** » Wed Jul 27, 2005 7:09 am

I agree with Mallie. And welcome to bus! Hope you find what you are looking for here. OFten it is hard for me to find the coping skills that work..then often I try some, and then cut because they don't work in times of crisis...But then they do work whenever I am doing alright. Just don't give up on trying new skills. ONe thing u could do is distract. I am queen of distractions...another thing you cuold do is following your breath...another is self sooth...taking a bubble bath is one of my favorites..or watching a funny movie...the more time you are able to stick in between you and the SI the better off you are.
anyway, goodluck
-Badgirl22

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Wed Jul 27, 2005 10:52 am

Hey there,
Welcome to BUS

I'm glad you found us, it's a really great place to be, especially if you're recovery-oriented, which you seem to be.

Stepping out and asking for help and recognising that you DO want to get better is the best first thing to do

Like Mallie said, there are many coping mechanisms on this and other boards here to look through and find ones you can use.

I also want to identify with you on hating yourself for doing something that you do because you hate yourself. It seems like an endless cycle.

I hope you find it in yourself to fight this

kitkats · Post by **kitkats** » Wed Jul 27, 2005 11:17 am

Thank you for your support. It is hard getting back on track, but you all are right about going back to the coping skills and getting back to using them. It is hard not to beat myself up over what I have done and the results to myself. In between the new support here, and a very helpful session with my therapist yesterday, I felt hopeful all day yesterday that I can get back on tract and take one moment at a time when the urges hit. When I woke up this morning, despite the overwhelmed feeling of going to work, I still feel like I can handle today. I have not felt that way in the past few weeks. I'm just going back to the basics and taking it one moment at a time. I also took care of myself yesterday my getting rid of my stuff to self harm, and today I still feel good about that. So, thank you again for giving my hope.

Kat

heartonmysleave · Post by **heartonmysleave** » Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:36 pm

talking to your doctor can be a good starting point. meds can be useful, and so can therapists. other than that. I've never found a sure fire way of coping.

Can't stand my own skin

Can't stand my own skin

Thank you

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