Struggling *possible trigs si, lang*

[confused_hidden]

I need something to distract myself. So I'm here. And I'm not doing so hot. I don't know why its so strong suddenly. I don't know why I miss it so badly. Who the fuck misses it so badly??? Finally figured out a lot. My mom watched the movie 'thirteen' and that's why she handled things the way she did. I just watched it. Wasn't smart. Sooo triggered right now. I can't believe they showed it. I miss it. I really really miss it. And its too late to call anybody and no one's on. No one I can talk to about this anyway. I seriously cannot talk to my parents about this. I'm supposed to call her when I get like this. And I can't. Maybe the realtionship is that good on her side, but it ain't on mine. She doesn't get it. She can't get it. Its too fucked up. I'm too fucked up. I have so much!! Why isn't it enough? I don't want to stop. I'm sorry. I'll stop. Where does this pain come from? Ugh!!!! I'll stop this rant. Hope the rest of y'all are doing better. Sorry for wasting your time. Ugh, sorry for being depressive. Should just delete this. But I won't.
Just needed to rant, I guess.
*~nikki

[balletomane]

Don't apologize. You are not wasting our time. Asking for the help and support you need is never a waste. And don't apologize for being depressive.
I am really sorry you are having such a tough time. I really hope things get better for you. Sorry I don't have much advice at the moment, but I am thinking of you.

[mallie]

Ranting can be a good way to let things out. I hope that just by being able to say things it helped you feel a little better.

Where you're talking about "missing it" I assume you mean SI? It does make sense, if you're no longer using a coping mechanism that worked for you, to feel a sense of loss that you aren't doing that anymore. These feelings will fade, it won't always be so hard.

Hang in there.