Things Left Unsaid *LA*

NobodyToYou · Post by **NobodyToYou** » Mon Jun 27, 2005 12:52 am

Why do you think I can do everything for you? Don't you know I am hurting too? I can't be everything you want. I am not that strong. I am not that smart. I can't even handle my life. QUIT PRESSURING ME!

Nazgul · Post by **Nazgul** » Mon Jun 27, 2005 4:25 am

wow this is such a cool thread I never saw it before.

My therapist: I don't know why I have to cut, I just do. It's a PROBLEM, it can't always be organized to fit into neat little boxes. I can't always identify a motive, it's just *there* sometimes.

Rusty: You're my brother, sometimes I wish you'd grow up and act like it. And please, STOP TRYING TO TELL ME I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I HAVE A FREAKING DEMON!!!! I'm not into the whole "deliverance" crap and I don't believe your weird little church is really casting demons out of people.

Me: Stay strong, little girl. You might not be able to stop cutting forever, but you *can* agree to not cut this minute. And you can renew the contract the next minute, and the next . . . yes time drags this way but it's how you stop your addiction. And, I might not always act like it and I might not always tell you so, but I LOVE YOU. You are smart and sweet and caring and beautiful and strong. You are so strong to make it 57 days in a row without cutting, almost twice your previous record! (I should look up this post next time I feel self-hatred . . . )

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jun 27, 2005 11:31 am

deleted

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jun 27, 2005 4:07 pm

L -- Im sorry, I cant do this right now. I cant be ur friend right now. You bring me down so fucking much. You make me moody, angry, upset...No, in ur presence I let myself be moody, angry and upset, because of how much you drain me. I cant do this....Im sorry....

G -- Babe, I love u tuns n tuns. I hope ur always here for me. I hope you'll always love me. I miss you when you're not around. I hope Ill never hurt you, cus its the last thing on my mind. I love you.

T -- Ur all I ever wanted angel, I love u. I really hope this works. I hope you'll understand.

Dungeon_Lilly · Post by **Dungeon_Lilly** » Mon Jun 27, 2005 5:51 pm

Bitch, you dropped me remember, the pair of you stopped talking to me or have you forgotten that? next time you give me filthy looks I wont ignore them. Your a stupid littyle cow grow up

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jun 27, 2005 9:50 pm

D -- "I'd do it again to relive what we had"
I so would babe. I go back to siing, and being su, and feeling shit, if I cld have stuff back between us, as it was. I miss you SO fucking much. I wish I hadnt sed all that stuff. I wish I could have u back. I love you so much, if only you loved me back. I miss you tuns. I would give up everything for you, but I know you wouldnt for me.
I was always more devoted to you, than you were to me.

Wish it wasnt this way...

emnatic · Post by **emnatic** » Mon Jun 27, 2005 11:37 pm

a.s: why the hell dont u believe me. it fucking happened and i trusted u adn now i feel so angry and alone. i didnt want sympathy i didnt want anything i jsut didnt want to end up coming home feeling like such a whore and freaking out about it. i hate how u made it into a joke how u told me any guy who knew wud think im just a whore. i didnt know wat to do i was scared im not a lier i dont ned to lie to impress u. u cuda just believed me and not made me feel so bad. i jsut wanted to get it out cos i hadnt snice it happened and all u did was put me down. thanx a lot a really appreciate that. all u did was add to myself hate. i hate that u andeveryone else hav that power over me.

za3: dont ever tell me to shut up and when u say that u worke so hard and i never made and effort that really maeks me mad. u spent the last 9 months of us being togehter stoned. u didnt know anything about me. u dumed me the day befroem y birthday than told me u just needed a break from me. u arent worth it. i know ure not. ure not worth al this anger i feel. all u did is screw me up. u hav no idea. u hav no idea how lesser i feel rite now. i know im to blame. but u are to. all u did was tell me im cold cos we dont make out. hw many times did i have to fucking explain wat making out does to me where it takes me in my head. cudnt u hav just made me feel like our relationship was worth more than tha whole physical side. how come when i stared letting us kis and stuff how come u never thought i was cold than? stop telling me u know me so wel u didnt even know how much i faked. u dont know how many times i told myslf ok lets get the kissing and stuff over with. u dont know how much hate i feel for myself for letting myself be controlled by u. i regret u, i regret being with u. i despise the person uve become and i dont knwo y i still am in touch with u. u are so selfish. dont tell me im selfish cos waht u mean is i just gave u some trouble with the whole phsical thing. i hate the way u lashed out to me and i hate how u forced me to break up with u by hurting me so many times. y cudnt u hav just done it? wud it hav made u feel like a little bit of a shit? u sad u didnt wanna break my heart and thats the only reason u were still with me!!!! how cud u say that? everytime u let me down u broke a bit of my heart. it wasnt so hard for me dumping u. i jsut want u to know i think ure such a coward. and i get so angry at the smallest things and i lash out at people and at myself. i dont know where the anger is coming from half the time and its so overwhelming. u just fucked with my head even more. and the worse thing is u dont even realize it. i hate how i sound right now. i hate that i know im not the victim. a fucking hate hwat uve done to me and i hate the feeling that its all my own fault.

hagar and noran: stop telling me u dont thnk im fucked up. u dont know half wats goin on with me u dont see the other side of me and all u do when ure so patronising is make me feel pathetic. i know u love me and i really lov me but it just makes me so mad.

paki: i love u girl really do and i miss u

parents: sorry for everythnig ive put u thru. sorry for everything u dont know about me. sorry i'll never be that person u want me to be. i love u so much that its overwhelming and i never mean to hurt u. its jsut im never going to be that person u want me to be.

fouda: im sorry. i know its not enuff and i know i screwed u up and i know i was a terrible firend and i lost a lot even tohugh u cud be so annoying. but dropping u from my life like that without even explaingin wat was going on with me that was the worst thing ive ever done and i know saying sorry wont fix things but i really am and i hope ure really happy now

Beasty · Post by **Beasty** » Tue Jun 28, 2005 2:54 am

you idiot. you dont pour gas on a burnpile and then lean down to light it with a match unless you have a death wish. calm it down with deisel or just BURN IT PROPERLY

im sorry im giving everyone such a time. i dont mean to. i guess i just want to know that people are there

cariad · Post by **cariad** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 1:01 am

i cant do this anymore i want to die

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:49 am

Mr. Beckius, Thank you. For everything.

graceless · Post by **graceless** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 12:26 pm

Mum- I don't know why you left me but it hurts and to be honest....I guess I don't think anything you say will change that - but that does not mean I don't need to hear it.
You left me with him when you knew he'd been beating you...why did you think it would be any diffrent with me?
I need to tell you all the fuckin shit I've lived through...cus I thougth you'd save me from it.
I'm not 4 anymore...not on the outside. you say you love me...don't thro those words around so freely.
I want you to hold me...but I wont let you get close enough.

dad- you have broken my heart but I still need you. you called me the liar but I know inside you wish you had been diffrent toward me.
I dont know what else to say except that I cant blame you for the shit you didnt save me from...but the shit you put me through - I want to forgive you for that - you just need to be sorry first.
are you?

Helen- I think you are fantastic...and I want you to know you have given me so much just by respecting me and laughing at my stupid jokes.
I let you down when I had promised you I'd never get to the point I was gunna give up...and you took the cutting really hard - I never wanted you to know...but thank you for caring.
it kina feels like you're family to me...wether you wana be or not that is!
I love you and with me moving you are one of the people it will break my heart to leave.
you'll get your baby...I know it...and that baby will be beautiful - just like its mum and dad!

elaine- I miss you cause I loved you so much...I dont know if I've done something to hurt you...but if I have you need to tell me.

rebbeca- I don't like who you are...what you did to me took away something so simple yet so important to me...you took away my innocence.
thanks for fucking nothing bitch

God- I dont know who you are or who I am in relation to you anymore...I know that you love me - I guess thats nice

emnatic · Post by **emnatic** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 9:51 pm

A.S: the way u reacted to me really hurt me when i trusted you with sth that happened to me that really hurt. you confirmed all my worst fears. i knw it wudnt have made much of a differnce if u hadnt but u did. u didnt believe me. u made me feel like u thought i wanted your pity when i didnt. than today u sed uwanted to tell me sth and u told me never to tell u anything again. u didt apologise u just let me down again. i dont know why u managed to hurt me so much cos i dont care so muc habout u or wat u think. but anyways i jsut want u to know that i wasnt planning on ever tellin u anything again. ure stupid. u just made me realiza how rite i was from the begininning not to want to evre get close to any of you. you made me believe how rite i was to always be on the defense, always be agressive and never trust u guys cos ud hav the power to hurt me and u wud use it. so thank you for that cos u gave me a wake up call and made me see wat im really dealing with here.
also: fuck you u son of a bitch ure just another typical asshole going with the flow and never trying to use that freaking head and ure just gonna hav the same life everyone else has

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 10:35 pm

U.T -- I love u tuns, I dont want you to leave just yet. I dont want you to follow your brothers quite yet. I dont think Im ready. I want you to stay with me for ever. Im scared you wont. Im scared you will be gone before long. I dont know what Ill do. I dont know how Ill cope knowing that I wont see you, and have those wonderful conversations with you. I miss you already, and you're aonly a few paces away from me. But I know it wont be long until you're too far away for me to reach. I love you, dont go quite yet.

D -- I cant cope with this. WIth us being friendly. It reminds me so much of what I cant have - the past. Reminds me of what we cant have - a future. I love u so much, ull never know how much. I wish it wasnt like this. For me its all or nothing. I said that. To myself. I cant deal with just this little bit you're giving me. I cant cope. I cant deal. "Id do it again to relive what we had" I would. I Would I would I would. Id go back to how I was. Just like how I was, if I could have you back. Just like you were. I miss you. I miss you so SO bad. Please give me more...

Gd -- Please come back. Please be here again. Please be with me again. Please let me have more time. Please let me love you, and hug you, and know you. Please come back. Please make this easier for me.
Im sorry that Im only beginning to deal with it now. Im sorry Im still not ready to talk about you. Im sorry Im still not ready to remember you. Im sorry that I still blame you for leaving. Im sorry that Im so arrogant that I blame myself for leaving. I love you. I wish you didnt have to go. I wish you didnt have to leave. I wish that I could deal with you being gone. But I just cant. Thats the simple truth. I cant. Its so much easier to believe that everyones lying to me. Its so much easier to believe that you're lying to everyone. Its SO much easier to believe that you WILL come back. Soon. But, the easiest way is rarely the right way. But still. I want to believe that you'll come back. I dont want to believe this is forever. I ont want to believe that Ill never see you again. I dont want to believe that you're gone FOREVER. I dont want to believe that death is a forever and ever thing.
I was scared that Martin wouldnt understand that death was forever. And yet, it turns out that its ME who cant understand that death is forever. It turns out that *I'M* the one who cant accept this. I thought, arroagntly, that Id be able to cope with this the best. In fact, Ive managed to cope with this in the worst way out of eeveryone in the family. You affected everyone when you left. You hurt everyone. You left everyone. And yet, they've all managed to not continue to be upset by it. I dont understand this. Do they not care about you anymore? Have they forgotten you? Do they not mind as much that you're gone? Or is it me who's the one who's gone wrong? Am I hurting too much (like Alex implied not long ago) a year on?
I wish SO bad that I could bring you back. I would hurt myself forever if it would bring you back. I would die for you, if I could spend time with you. But noone will let me. Noone will let me try and bring you back in these ways. I so badly want you with me. I would do anything. I would. I want to. They just wont let me.
WHY WONT THEY FUCKING LET ME? I dont understand. How the FUCK does it affect them, what I do to myself? How does it hurt them if I hurt myself? How does it make them feel worse? It doesnt. It cant. But, it makes me feel ebtter. Why wont they let me do it? Why Grandpa, Why? I dont understand. Come back and answer my questions. Come back and make everything okay. I so badly need you. Right here. Right next to me. Ready to reach out a hand and catch me when I slip. Help me Grandpa, come back and help me. Dont leave me like this. I dont know how to cope.
I hate that you've already gone. Why? I dont understand. Why did u have to go? Why couldnt you have stayed with us? We loved you (and stilldo), dont you love us? Didnt you love us enough to stay? COuldnt you have held on, just a bit longer? I dont understand. Why did you have to go.
I miss you, Ill carry on believeing you'll come back to me soon. Dont change, I love you as you are...

Mindpoison · Post by **Mindpoison** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 12:12 am

P - Thanks for being so incredibly cool and supportive. Thanks for shelling out over $600 for my cat's hospital bills. That was going above and beyond what anyone else would have done for me. Thanks for getting me through some really rough times and putting up with me. I'll miss you next year.

Mom - You're a cunt. A sneaky, lying, manipulative, passive-aggressive cunt. I can't wait for you to get the fuck out of my life.

F - I love you and you mean a lot to me, even though I haven't known you that long. Thanks for the warmth and comfort you've provided me.

Family in general - Stop asking about how I lost so much weight. I have a fucking ED, whatever. I'm not ready to stop and get help for it, but at least I recognize that I'm using it as another form of coping and I'm trying to control it.

T - You're just a flat out bitch. Charging an extra $50 for FIVE god damn minutes. TRAFFIC. There was TRAFFIC. Stupid little full of yourself brat.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 12:13 am

Mr. Beckius: The day we started the chemistry chapter, you ran around the room, from one demonstration table to another. Our faces said, "Yeah, water is a polar molecule...so what?" We all pretended we didn't understand the fuss, but I think, secretly, we all shared your wonder.

I admired you so much. Your focus, efficiency, and work ethic were commendable. But more than that even, I admired your passion for biology and the sciences in general. And I appreciate the high standards you held for us, because I see now that they were born of a deep respect for us. You had faith in all of your students, and we knew it. At least I did. Because your faith in me, and your encouragement, made me feel for the first time that I could be a success in science. You did not ask if I was good enough to study science. Your question was will it be biology or physics? math or chemistry?

Your kind words touched me so deeply--your belief in me translated into me believing in myself. And while sometimes I still feel like my dream is impossible, I remember how you insisted that anything could be accomplished through hard work, perserverence, and organization.

You showed me and my classmates that biology is breathtakingly beautiful and if we open our eyes, we can behold that beauty.

I wish I thanked you when I had the chance.

t_k · Post by **t_k** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 12:09 pm

Lewis: Wanna go out some time?

Nick: I want things to go futher or stop... I don't want to just fuck you. I want more. You say I'm the hottest chick you know, so why don't you ask me out? make something of your words. Make me like myself. You have that power. I like myself when I'm in bed with you and I liek myself when I am hugging you in town or all of that.
And, yes, Gemma IS much too young for you.

Crowley: I love your burn, it's beautiful. I wish I had nice ones to match, but all I have to show you are some cruddy old blobs that could be from anything.

Belinda: Sorry for being a bitch to you. But I still don't like you.

Kittie: Just fuck off out of my life, will you?!?

Gemma: Get your dirty little paws off Nick you dumb whore.

Richard: You're hot

Maria: Die, fatty, die.

Jonathan: I don't like you very much at the moment. it's not my fauklt I was the only one anyone thought could get through to you. And now you eat food at lunchtime instead of one other time a day so that we'll all see it and think <I>oh, well, he MUST be okay then!</I>

Mr Johnson: Give up and go home, will you?

magebaby · Post by **magebaby** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 6:27 pm

i'm so alone. i really really need help. please, somebody. anybody.

--

stop touching me and stop pushing me to talk to you. i don't fucking want to.

--

do you love me? does anyone?

--

mage

Kamikaze · Post by **Kamikaze** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:06 pm

I wish we could spend more time together. I hate seeing you unhappy. I don't think I can ever forget what you done but maybe I can forgive you, well I do. I hope I still get to see you a lot and I hope you're happier back home. I hope you can get yourself a transfer quickly, I just want you to know I'd like to see you more I'm just so lazy and you don't like coming back here. I know why, I don't like it here either, but I can't do anything about it. I hope I can see you soon. I hope you're happy.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 3:40 pm

I am going to break my promise. I'm sorry. I have to tell someone what you told me. I try and convince myself you'd want me to, else why would you have told me? You must have known what I have to do with this. But then I think, you trusted me and I'm about to let you down. Except I'd be letting you down if I kept it to myself. I can't help you. I can get you help, that's all, and that's what I have to do. But I wish I didn't have to break your trust to do it.

starrynight26 · Post by **starrynight26** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 2:14 am

Please tell me that you love me and want me.

bus

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