Things Left Unsaid *LA*
i really need help right now. are you there? please please please. i love you andi don't want to hurt you or be a burden to you, but i really need somebody and i'm hurting so much.
--
mage
--
mage
"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." -- Vincent Van Gogh
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
-
NobodyToYou
- board admin emeritus
- Posts: 17634
- Joined: Sat Feb 12, 2005 6:03 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: USA
-
t_k
- building community
- Posts: 580
- Joined: Sat Jun 26, 2004 4:26 am
- Location: Wellington, New Zealand
- Contact:
Kittie: Please don't come back. Stay away. Stay in Napier, stay in Gisbourne, stay <I>anywhere</I> but here!
You leave and suddenly I find myself happy and eating.
You come back and... i don't want to know.
Jonathan: Pull your fucking head in, boy. Admit you have an eating disorder, admit you need help, admit that people give a shit about you before you go so far off the rails we can't help you.
Tim: Dump her.
Nick: I like you more than you know.
Dylan: Fuck you.
You leave and suddenly I find myself happy and eating.
You come back and... i don't want to know.
Jonathan: Pull your fucking head in, boy. Admit you have an eating disorder, admit you need help, admit that people give a shit about you before you go so far off the rails we can't help you.
Tim: Dump her.
Nick: I like you more than you know.
Dylan: Fuck you.
<CENTER>Lunchbox
Eating Disorder Forums</CENTER>
Eating Disorder Forums</CENTER>
thank you. it can't have ben easy for you to say those thigns to me, but they helped. i love you. i'm sorry for the pain and worry and discomfort i have cause you.
--
dear. i'm not angry anymore. i think i understand things better. i'm sad and wistful and wish things could go back to before that summer. but i know they can't. still, i love you and i care about you. when/if you become able to talk to me again, i'm here. take care.
--
please stay out of my relationships. from now on, that's not your business. lying to me is not the best way of earning my trust. i hate this two-faced "i'm here for you baby" crap when you're lying to me and saying stuff to people behind my back.
--
thank you, hon.
--
mage
--
dear. i'm not angry anymore. i think i understand things better. i'm sad and wistful and wish things could go back to before that summer. but i know they can't. still, i love you and i care about you. when/if you become able to talk to me again, i'm here. take care.
--
please stay out of my relationships. from now on, that's not your business. lying to me is not the best way of earning my trust. i hate this two-faced "i'm here for you baby" crap when you're lying to me and saying stuff to people behind my back.
--
thank you, hon.
--
mage
"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." -- Vincent Van Gogh
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
-
RG
- awe-inspiring
- Posts: 6488
- Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2005 12:16 am
- Location: In the hell that is my mind
I called like you asked. It took alot for me to work up the courage to talk to you. Then look what you did, you slamed the door in my face when I needed help the most. I mentioned for you to take me out of my house because I was scared I was going to do something stupid while I was alone. You told me to trust myself and I would be fine. You aslo said I called for a reason, telling me I truely didn't want to end my life. I know I can't ask for help I am uncapable to do it but can I play it out for you any easier?
j: ack.... just... oer..... eh, i dunno. i think i just wanna be your mate. sorry if you feel differently, hunny.
l: meh. sorry if i'm a dick. i try to help, but i know i dont do very well. wait, me saying things like that is why you "left" before, aye? oh well, cope.
KF ppl: yeah, well... fuck you. you arent the first people to talk about me behind my back and ruin somehing i enjoyed. fuck you. fuck you. you humiliated me. alice really did win, didnt she? she always will, even if she is fat and ugly, which she is fast becoming.
alice: on that topic, you are fat and ugly. you humiliated me too. and the funny thing is that now, given the choice, i wouldnt be your friend. even taking away the fact that you hated me fr something i didnt do, and turned half our year on me. just because you are bitchy, a stoner, whiny, you are a dick to your family for no reason, you are an attention seeker, one of your favourite sentences was "im so fat and ugly", said just so people would deny it. i despise that you broke a promise, several in fact. however, it amuses me reatly, in a very bitter way, that little more than a year ago you were saying you were never going to do drugs, ever, and now look at you. dont make promises you cant keep. mind you, i broke a promise too, when i said that i would always love you as a friend. well, thats bullshit. i know that now. but it wasnt my fault i broke that one. but i dont hate you. hate is when you would feel no regrets killing a person, hate is when you can justify to yourself anything horrible you do to that person. i dont hate you. if i did, you would be dead by now, because i would hate you a LOT.
l: meh. sorry if i'm a dick. i try to help, but i know i dont do very well. wait, me saying things like that is why you "left" before, aye? oh well, cope.
KF ppl: yeah, well... fuck you. you arent the first people to talk about me behind my back and ruin somehing i enjoyed. fuck you. fuck you. you humiliated me. alice really did win, didnt she? she always will, even if she is fat and ugly, which she is fast becoming.
alice: on that topic, you are fat and ugly. you humiliated me too. and the funny thing is that now, given the choice, i wouldnt be your friend. even taking away the fact that you hated me fr something i didnt do, and turned half our year on me. just because you are bitchy, a stoner, whiny, you are a dick to your family for no reason, you are an attention seeker, one of your favourite sentences was "im so fat and ugly", said just so people would deny it. i despise that you broke a promise, several in fact. however, it amuses me reatly, in a very bitter way, that little more than a year ago you were saying you were never going to do drugs, ever, and now look at you. dont make promises you cant keep. mind you, i broke a promise too, when i said that i would always love you as a friend. well, thats bullshit. i know that now. but it wasnt my fault i broke that one. but i dont hate you. hate is when you would feel no regrets killing a person, hate is when you can justify to yourself anything horrible you do to that person. i dont hate you. if i did, you would be dead by now, because i would hate you a LOT.
<center>
<b>FISHY! WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING?!</b>
~"What could I say to you that would be of value, except that perhaps you seek too much, that as a result of your seeking you cannot find."~
Another Lonely Day
~~Laura~~
</center>
<b>FISHY! WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING?!</b>
~"What could I say to you that would be of value, except that perhaps you seek too much, that as a result of your seeking you cannot find."~
Another Lonely Day
~~Laura~~
</center>
why did you lie to me? i hate having to second guess what you say to me. i hate that i fall for it whenever you say you love me and need me and want to be there for me. but you don't want to listen to me -- you never have. i don't trust you -- how can i? i don't want you to touch me when i get home. i like being out here, independently. i don't want to go home. i don't want to have to pretend to be fine and cheerful when i know you have not been honest with me, and that you really don't give a damn about the thing that happened and how much that upset me.
--
sweetheart (can i call you that?), thank you so much. you are far more generous to me than i deserve. i still think you should be angry with me. i am sorry. take care.
--
mage
--
sweetheart (can i call you that?), thank you so much. you are far more generous to me than i deserve. i still think you should be angry with me. i am sorry. take care.
--
mage
"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." -- Vincent Van Gogh
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
-
DecemberLivy
- just plain inspiring
- Posts: 7474
- Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:38 am
- Location: London
mum: go away
brother aidan: go away
brother aneurin: go away
sister venitia: go away
dad: i hate you go away
sister helen: stop stealing my lipgloss and go away
sister alison: ditto
brother aidan: go away
brother aneurin: go away
sister venitia: go away
dad: i hate you go away
sister helen: stop stealing my lipgloss and go away
sister alison: ditto
<center>my walpole cafe
"My life's a mess"
"That's the way it's supposed to be" - soap -
</center>
I think I'll paint roads
on my front room walls
to convince myself
that I'm going places.
"My life's a mess"
"That's the way it's supposed to be" - soap -
</center>
I think I'll paint roads
on my front room walls
to convince myself
that I'm going places.
-
VowsOfSadness
- sock rocker
- Posts: 3975
- Joined: Sat Dec 04, 2004 1:33 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: Pittsburgh, PA AGE:20
- Contact:
I don't know who you are, but why did you do it? Why? I am doing so well couldn't you have talked about that? You know what you're plan failed. And when i find you you're gonna wish you were never born.
*Challenges welcome*
I always love a
I woke up this morning, I suddenly realized we're all in this together.
Drop by my place & say hi
Ask me anything!!!
I'm fully Recovered!
I always love a
Drop by my place & say hi
Ask me anything!!!
I'm fully Recovered!
-
Guest
W -- How could you say that? I wanted closure, you've left me wondering 'I want to say a whole lot more. But for your sake, I'll keep it short and sweet.' NO! You cant say that when I want closure. You tell me it all now. Dont do this to me W huny, Dont do this to me....
And 'Chin up. Keep smiling.' Im losing, letting go of, one of the best things ever, cus u dont want me anymore, cus I scared you. Im sorry for that, I am, really, I am. But PLEASE dont tell me to keep smiling. I will do, mark my words, I will do, but please dont tell me to. You cant imagine how hard this is for me.
'I do miss you' Not as much as I miss you hun. Not as much as I miss you. Letting go of you is one of the hardest things Ive had to do. But, just because Im letting go, I still miss you so much.
I will have only known you a year in august, yet, you were everything. You helped me through such dark times. And yet, you were so often the cause of those dark times after a while. You said you were scared. But, did that mean you had to just.....leave me?
And then, there was this; you shouldn't have had to apologise. I'm in the wrong. And you have no idea how sorry I am. Honey, I wasn't there when you most needed me, you have every right to hate me. I was a shit friend. And I hurt you. 2 wrongs that I promised I'd never do, that's 3 huge failures on my part. (when I say huge....we both know they're more than that). Everyday I see you online, and am reminded, and want to talk to you; to say sorry; to somehow try and make things better. But. I'm let down by the same vices in me that made me let you down. I'm really sorry.'
You'll never be sorry enough for me W, not until you can make it go back to how it was, not until you're willing to let it go back to how it was. ANd I know you'll never be able to do that....you'll never be sorry enough. Maybe I do have every right to hate you, but I dont. And you wouldnt even let me tell that to you. You said it wasnt fair. Why? Was it unfair, cus it made u feel worse? You'll never be able to make this better. Ever. EVen if you tried (which you havent done). Im done. I wont continue to break my heart for you, when you'll never see me as anything other than a difficulty. A muck up in your perfect life. (That was mean, I know your life aint perfect, but, it seems it sometimes....)
D -- Yer, my email was mean. Cope. You told me it wasnt wrong what I did. You said it was my choice. YES, its my choice, its still bad. Still woulda hurt SO many people. How could you say that after all the times you sat with me, telling me not to si, not to csu? How could you contradict yourself so much?? I dont quite understand.....
BUT, I lied, I told you I hated you. Ill never hate you. Ever. I dont look at you, I dont talk to you, I dont smile at you, cus then Im reminded that I dont hate you. And that I still love you more than anyone else. You knew it, but then, you thought I stopped. You'll think that even more now. What, with F, n me being so mean to you. I hafta be mean to you tho angel, to protect my sanity. I could go insane waiting for you. I always will wait for you tho, just silently, secretly. You'll never know. Never find out, Ive never stopped loving you. I have to pretend to everyone else I hate you though. Just so I wont feel guilty about F, and all the others. I have to pretend I hate you, so I can justify that email. Please understand that when I wrote it I was SO mad. I couldnt believe you'd invalidated so much you said to me. Ive realised now, that you werent talking about it. But, you kinda were. And, Ill never admit that I knew you werent. Well, I didnt know it at the time, I do now though. I wont tell you that though, I wont apologise now though. I wont let myself tell you that I love you. I wont let myself tell anyone I love you. Ill never let it be known. I wont do that to myself. My heart is too special now. It will forever be yours though. Forever yours. You just wont know. Because Ill wait, silently, secretly, pretending Im not waiting. Illlive up to the name of 'slut'. Ill never let you know that Im waiting for you. Because, I know you'll never be mine. I know you never can be. I wish you could be though. I miss you. Its only been a week, and I miss you. It hadnt been right between us for ages. But it was getting there. Then, this happened, and I miss you. It will never be the same. I miss you. Wish I could hold you, wish you could hold me. Wish it wasnt like this. Wish you could be mine. I miss you. I love you. This tattered heart is forever yours.
F -- Im sorry, you're just someone to distract me. Thats all. Ill never love you. Not like you love me. And you're boring. Bloody hell you're boring. We dont 'match' I want someone fun. You're so unlike me. I cant stand you tbh. I hate kissing you, I hate feeling your hands on my body. But, you stop D knowing I like him. You stop everyone knowing I still love D. Sorry that Im using you. I never thought Id be one of those people. But, I guess I am. Sorry. Im just trying to distract my heart from slowly bleeding to death. Im just trying to protect myself. You just came at the right time. Im planning how to tell you this. Even when you kiss me, Im planning how I can get rid of you. Im sorry.
L -- You're a star, but you'll NEVER understand. I HATE that ur jealous that I have si to deal with shit. DONT EVER DO THAT TO ME L!! I wont know how to cope if you fuck up like I have. I love you. I always will. But dont do that to me. Im sorry I did what I did, I am. But dont be jealous. Please, dont be jealous.
M M -- You cant say that. Dont say that. I hate hurting you. You're amazing. Please dont say that. Please dont. It was ONE slip, in four months. I didnt mean to hurt you. I didnt mean to do it. Sorry I did. I didnt mean to hurt you. Sorry.
Sorry for putting you in that position again. Sorry for telling you, but not letting you know. Sorry for making you risk so much for me. You'll never know how grateful I am for it. (And, those cakes, they were my pleasure!) Im sorry you can indentify so much with what Im going through right now. I almost wish you hadnt. But if you hadnt gone through it yourself, then you wouldnt be able to help me right now. You wouldnt be who you are. I love you (even though Im not allowed to)
L -- JUST FUCKING STOP. IM SO FED UP OF HEARING ABOUT UR PROBLEMS. For one night I needed to talk about me, and your head was too far up your own arse to see that. You're too fucking slef involved to see that. I hate you. You make every bit of fun about you, make it upsetting for you. You suck, SO much. I hate you. Ill never say it though. Ill just continue tosay the SAME thing every night. To try and lift you out of your self inflicted misery, even though you dont want to be pulled out of it. Ill keep on trying, I wont give up. I wish you werent like you are though.
P -- You'll never know the many things that go through my head about what you said to me last time we spoke. Im so sorry for these thoughts, I wish I didnt tghink them. But Ill ALWAYS be here hunny. Whenevr you're ready. You've not lost me cus of it. im so glad you could tell me, Im glad you realised it would ruin anything. But angel, I mis you. SO fucking much. I miss talking to you, laughing with you, helping you, hearing from you. You're like my big brother, I hate that you're not here, even though I know why. And I feel selfish for wishing you were here.
I think everyone I know is fed up of me whining about not being able to talk to you, but I miss you. I cant help it. Its been so long, Ive changed so much. Im scared you wont like me anymore. I miss you. I miss you always. I love u angel, sorry Ive kept on putting you through so much, just for my selfish wants. I love you, I miss you, I cant wait till you're better. Take care angel, take care always.
A -- DDONT FUCKING JUDGE ME YOU SLAG.
G -- I LOVE YOU! MORE THAN ANYTHING!! YOU'RE AN AMAZING FRIEND!
J -- Wish I could get with you to take my mind of D. You're a star. You make me happy n feel special and pretty. I never will though - cus I dont wanna use you. You're a star
A -- Want you to like me. Want to get with you. You're so fit. Youd take my mind of it. Please?
And 'Chin up. Keep smiling.' Im losing, letting go of, one of the best things ever, cus u dont want me anymore, cus I scared you. Im sorry for that, I am, really, I am. But PLEASE dont tell me to keep smiling. I will do, mark my words, I will do, but please dont tell me to. You cant imagine how hard this is for me.
'I do miss you' Not as much as I miss you hun. Not as much as I miss you. Letting go of you is one of the hardest things Ive had to do. But, just because Im letting go, I still miss you so much.
I will have only known you a year in august, yet, you were everything. You helped me through such dark times. And yet, you were so often the cause of those dark times after a while. You said you were scared. But, did that mean you had to just.....leave me?
And then, there was this; you shouldn't have had to apologise. I'm in the wrong. And you have no idea how sorry I am. Honey, I wasn't there when you most needed me, you have every right to hate me. I was a shit friend. And I hurt you. 2 wrongs that I promised I'd never do, that's 3 huge failures on my part. (when I say huge....we both know they're more than that). Everyday I see you online, and am reminded, and want to talk to you; to say sorry; to somehow try and make things better. But. I'm let down by the same vices in me that made me let you down. I'm really sorry.'
You'll never be sorry enough for me W, not until you can make it go back to how it was, not until you're willing to let it go back to how it was. ANd I know you'll never be able to do that....you'll never be sorry enough. Maybe I do have every right to hate you, but I dont. And you wouldnt even let me tell that to you. You said it wasnt fair. Why? Was it unfair, cus it made u feel worse? You'll never be able to make this better. Ever. EVen if you tried (which you havent done). Im done. I wont continue to break my heart for you, when you'll never see me as anything other than a difficulty. A muck up in your perfect life. (That was mean, I know your life aint perfect, but, it seems it sometimes....)
D -- Yer, my email was mean. Cope. You told me it wasnt wrong what I did. You said it was my choice. YES, its my choice, its still bad. Still woulda hurt SO many people. How could you say that after all the times you sat with me, telling me not to si, not to csu? How could you contradict yourself so much?? I dont quite understand.....
BUT, I lied, I told you I hated you. Ill never hate you. Ever. I dont look at you, I dont talk to you, I dont smile at you, cus then Im reminded that I dont hate you. And that I still love you more than anyone else. You knew it, but then, you thought I stopped. You'll think that even more now. What, with F, n me being so mean to you. I hafta be mean to you tho angel, to protect my sanity. I could go insane waiting for you. I always will wait for you tho, just silently, secretly. You'll never know. Never find out, Ive never stopped loving you. I have to pretend to everyone else I hate you though. Just so I wont feel guilty about F, and all the others. I have to pretend I hate you, so I can justify that email. Please understand that when I wrote it I was SO mad. I couldnt believe you'd invalidated so much you said to me. Ive realised now, that you werent talking about it. But, you kinda were. And, Ill never admit that I knew you werent. Well, I didnt know it at the time, I do now though. I wont tell you that though, I wont apologise now though. I wont let myself tell you that I love you. I wont let myself tell anyone I love you. Ill never let it be known. I wont do that to myself. My heart is too special now. It will forever be yours though. Forever yours. You just wont know. Because Ill wait, silently, secretly, pretending Im not waiting. Illlive up to the name of 'slut'. Ill never let you know that Im waiting for you. Because, I know you'll never be mine. I know you never can be. I wish you could be though. I miss you. Its only been a week, and I miss you. It hadnt been right between us for ages. But it was getting there. Then, this happened, and I miss you. It will never be the same. I miss you. Wish I could hold you, wish you could hold me. Wish it wasnt like this. Wish you could be mine. I miss you. I love you. This tattered heart is forever yours.
F -- Im sorry, you're just someone to distract me. Thats all. Ill never love you. Not like you love me. And you're boring. Bloody hell you're boring. We dont 'match' I want someone fun. You're so unlike me. I cant stand you tbh. I hate kissing you, I hate feeling your hands on my body. But, you stop D knowing I like him. You stop everyone knowing I still love D. Sorry that Im using you. I never thought Id be one of those people. But, I guess I am. Sorry. Im just trying to distract my heart from slowly bleeding to death. Im just trying to protect myself. You just came at the right time. Im planning how to tell you this. Even when you kiss me, Im planning how I can get rid of you. Im sorry.
L -- You're a star, but you'll NEVER understand. I HATE that ur jealous that I have si to deal with shit. DONT EVER DO THAT TO ME L!! I wont know how to cope if you fuck up like I have. I love you. I always will. But dont do that to me. Im sorry I did what I did, I am. But dont be jealous. Please, dont be jealous.
M M -- You cant say that. Dont say that. I hate hurting you. You're amazing. Please dont say that. Please dont. It was ONE slip, in four months. I didnt mean to hurt you. I didnt mean to do it. Sorry I did. I didnt mean to hurt you. Sorry.
Sorry for putting you in that position again. Sorry for telling you, but not letting you know. Sorry for making you risk so much for me. You'll never know how grateful I am for it. (And, those cakes, they were my pleasure!) Im sorry you can indentify so much with what Im going through right now. I almost wish you hadnt. But if you hadnt gone through it yourself, then you wouldnt be able to help me right now. You wouldnt be who you are. I love you (even though Im not allowed to)
L -- JUST FUCKING STOP. IM SO FED UP OF HEARING ABOUT UR PROBLEMS. For one night I needed to talk about me, and your head was too far up your own arse to see that. You're too fucking slef involved to see that. I hate you. You make every bit of fun about you, make it upsetting for you. You suck, SO much. I hate you. Ill never say it though. Ill just continue tosay the SAME thing every night. To try and lift you out of your self inflicted misery, even though you dont want to be pulled out of it. Ill keep on trying, I wont give up. I wish you werent like you are though.
P -- You'll never know the many things that go through my head about what you said to me last time we spoke. Im so sorry for these thoughts, I wish I didnt tghink them. But Ill ALWAYS be here hunny. Whenevr you're ready. You've not lost me cus of it. im so glad you could tell me, Im glad you realised it would ruin anything. But angel, I mis you. SO fucking much. I miss talking to you, laughing with you, helping you, hearing from you. You're like my big brother, I hate that you're not here, even though I know why. And I feel selfish for wishing you were here.
I think everyone I know is fed up of me whining about not being able to talk to you, but I miss you. I cant help it. Its been so long, Ive changed so much. Im scared you wont like me anymore. I miss you. I miss you always. I love u angel, sorry Ive kept on putting you through so much, just for my selfish wants. I love you, I miss you, I cant wait till you're better. Take care angel, take care always.
A -- DDONT FUCKING JUDGE ME YOU SLAG.
G -- I LOVE YOU! MORE THAN ANYTHING!! YOU'RE AN AMAZING FRIEND!
J -- Wish I could get with you to take my mind of D. You're a star. You make me happy n feel special and pretty. I never will though - cus I dont wanna use you. You're a star
A -- Want you to like me. Want to get with you. You're so fit. Youd take my mind of it. Please?
-
DecemberLivy
- just plain inspiring
- Posts: 7474
- Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:38 am
- Location: London
mum: i really dont need you at the moment, i'm sorry i'm how i am but i cant help it and your not helping me get over this. i'm sorry, please just forget it and leave it alone.
friends: i'm not fucking perfect, ok? i never will be. so stop expecting me to be the friend that you go to for help. i can barely help myself! all i bring is pain, so just leave me be. i'm not worth wasting your time on.
friends: i'm not fucking perfect, ok? i never will be. so stop expecting me to be the friend that you go to for help. i can barely help myself! all i bring is pain, so just leave me be. i'm not worth wasting your time on.
<center>my walpole cafe
"My life's a mess"
"That's the way it's supposed to be" - soap -
</center>
I think I'll paint roads
on my front room walls
to convince myself
that I'm going places.
"My life's a mess"
"That's the way it's supposed to be" - soap -
</center>
I think I'll paint roads
on my front room walls
to convince myself
that I'm going places.
I don't understand why. I never have understood why. I always knew your relationships were different. I've never had the cool mum and dad, the parents you were ok with, the parents where you were able to bring someone home to. Instead I get you. You and him. You're fine, you always have been mummy, i've never had a problem with you- you're sound. But him, thats totally different. First of all, we had a daddy when I was younger. Well a man, not a real daddy. Then it all went from bad to worse and now I have him.
Seriously mother, how do you ever expect me to bring anyone home if he is here? All i wana do is have dan round and i cant. i know it wont work, ill come home and you'll all be screaming at eachother, or he will ask strange questions and make strange inadequate comments. Its impossible for me to bring someone home, for martin to, for anyone to. Its embarassing for one. We may as well say 'here is mother and the baby' because thats what its like. Hes a baby, and you keep sweet talking it to stop it from screaming all the time. Like a chore.
I hate it. I really do. I hate everything about your relationships, they are wrong. they arent relationships.
I hate him. i do i do i do. i want something to happen. now. its been too long, why cant it all just happen now? you've said you aren't stopping until you die, you knwo that so why not end it now??
Seriously mother, how do you ever expect me to bring anyone home if he is here? All i wana do is have dan round and i cant. i know it wont work, ill come home and you'll all be screaming at eachother, or he will ask strange questions and make strange inadequate comments. Its impossible for me to bring someone home, for martin to, for anyone to. Its embarassing for one. We may as well say 'here is mother and the baby' because thats what its like. Hes a baby, and you keep sweet talking it to stop it from screaming all the time. Like a chore.
I hate it. I really do. I hate everything about your relationships, they are wrong. they arent relationships.
I hate him. i do i do i do. i want something to happen. now. its been too long, why cant it all just happen now? you've said you aren't stopping until you die, you knwo that so why not end it now??
Dropping like the grains in an hourglass
Never say forever cause nothing lasts
Dancing with the bones of my buried past"
DOA, Foo Fighters
"The stars are upside down"
Four Years and Nine Months
"Its Friday I'm in love" ~ The Cure
-
VowsOfSadness
- sock rocker
- Posts: 3975
- Joined: Sat Dec 04, 2004 1:33 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: Pittsburgh, PA AGE:20
- Contact:
sarah- If I did this to you I'm sorry, you don't have to be bi because we all say you are a lesbian, I'm going to stop and I'm telling everyone to stop too. I care about you so much, you know that's why I stuck up for you from everyone. I know you don't like fights and problems but I don't want you to hurt. I don't want you to be where I used to be and I don't want you to EVER cut. You know I would make anyone who hurts you life a living hell cause I have done it. I haven't always made the best decisions and even if I get suspended I don't regret defending you. I love you as a friend, I don't want you to worry. Don't worry about me so much, take care of yourself I'll be fine.
Liz- We haven't talked in over six months, I don't hate you anymore, I just don't know who you are and I don't liek what you've become but sometime I miss the old you, I miss the compainionship. I don't know what I want, but I know I want the hate to stop.
L & K- I guess we're never going to be friends, I don't even know why we're not friends right now, but all I can say is hey we piss eachother off, but do we have to? Can't we just leave eachotehr alone?
Ryan- yeah um I like you, I know you know, but I miss you I never see you. Sometimes I don't knwo what to say or show how I'm feeling inside, sometimes I want you to know that I like you and you're a cool kid. I miss Ryan hugs and the "Ryan Face". Maybe sometime............
Liz- We haven't talked in over six months, I don't hate you anymore, I just don't know who you are and I don't liek what you've become but sometime I miss the old you, I miss the compainionship. I don't know what I want, but I know I want the hate to stop.
L & K- I guess we're never going to be friends, I don't even know why we're not friends right now, but all I can say is hey we piss eachother off, but do we have to? Can't we just leave eachotehr alone?
Ryan- yeah um I like you, I know you know, but I miss you I never see you. Sometimes I don't knwo what to say or show how I'm feeling inside, sometimes I want you to know that I like you and you're a cool kid. I miss Ryan hugs and the "Ryan Face". Maybe sometime............
*Challenges welcome*
I always love a
I woke up this morning, I suddenly realized we're all in this together.
Drop by my place & say hi
Ask me anything!!!
I'm fully Recovered!
I always love a
Drop by my place & say hi
Ask me anything!!!
I'm fully Recovered!
-
Guest
L -- Im sorry but, ur just ridiculous. You try FAR too hard to get girls to like you, and Im sorry, its SUCH a turn-off. You've put all your problems down to not haveing a gf, and to be Frank (even though Im Aly), thats not the reason u have shit in ur life. Having a gf isn ven that good. I mean, get a grip. PLEASE. You're right when u say ur not going to be happy with any girl. Because, ull think that with a gf, all ur problems are gunna be sloved, ur si, n all that shit. And thts just not going to happen. You need to look and find out what is at the bottom of this. Cus its not fucking girls. I swear, its not.
Okay, you asked if I was angry at you, yes, I am. I am angry at how self involved you are, at how up your own arse you are. At how you expect one word from you to cure all, so that u can go back to urself. Im angry at how fucking BLIND you are. I mean, the one night I really needed to tlk to someone, u gave me about 5 minutes to talk about myself, and then went back to tlking about ur shitty problems. ANd then, ALL evening, I didnt smile, I didnt laugh, I was upset, I was short in my answers, and u just didnt notice that anything was up. You'd seemed to have assumed that just because ud spent about 2 secs listening to me, and "comforting" me, everything was fine. And, IT WASNT;. Im SOOOO fed up of u. Of being ur personal therapist. Im SICK of ur constant fishing for compliments. For constantly asking if I tlk about u, if I think about you. What I say about u. Tbh, when I tlk bout u, I bitch. Because u drive me INSANE!
L -- You are MAJORELY pissing me off. IM ALLOWED TO HAVE OTHER FRIENDS APART FROM YOU!!! Im allowed to spend time with other people. STOP being so fucking clingy n possessive. I hate it. You hold me back. I feel guilty about cnaging, about not needing you cus of my si. And I SOOOO dont need to feel GUILTY that Ive stopped si. Its fucking SELFISH that u make me feel like that. Its SELFISH that you dont want me to have other friends. Its SELFISH that you always want me to hug you, even when Im feeling severly claustrophobic, and its SELFISH when u tell me that u dont like it when Im like that. Its SELFISH that want me to need you, and its SELFISH that you want to "fix" me and its SELFISH that u resent me for not needing "fixed". Its SELFISH that u resent me going on holiday this year. Its SELFISH that you make me feel bad that Im going away for 2 weeks. Its SELFISH that always make me feel guilty about how I need to be right now.
I dont want to lose you, but you HAVE to change. I cant cope with you like this.....I dont know how to tell you though....
TIM My maaaan! -- Love u angel. So wish that u cld love me the same way. I dont know if u do tho. Cant wait till tomorrow. Cant wait to see you again. I love u tuns. Please love me too?
Hol -- Im sorry I like ur guy. I wish I didnt. I wish I didnt do that to you. but, its just a fleeting crush. I wont like J for long, I promise. Please dont hate me....:S I love u.
Gi -- I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U. Ur A-MA-ZING! I mean it. You RAWK BIG TIME!!! Love ya xxx
Okay, you asked if I was angry at you, yes, I am. I am angry at how self involved you are, at how up your own arse you are. At how you expect one word from you to cure all, so that u can go back to urself. Im angry at how fucking BLIND you are. I mean, the one night I really needed to tlk to someone, u gave me about 5 minutes to talk about myself, and then went back to tlking about ur shitty problems. ANd then, ALL evening, I didnt smile, I didnt laugh, I was upset, I was short in my answers, and u just didnt notice that anything was up. You'd seemed to have assumed that just because ud spent about 2 secs listening to me, and "comforting" me, everything was fine. And, IT WASNT;. Im SOOOO fed up of u. Of being ur personal therapist. Im SICK of ur constant fishing for compliments. For constantly asking if I tlk about u, if I think about you. What I say about u. Tbh, when I tlk bout u, I bitch. Because u drive me INSANE!
L -- You are MAJORELY pissing me off. IM ALLOWED TO HAVE OTHER FRIENDS APART FROM YOU!!! Im allowed to spend time with other people. STOP being so fucking clingy n possessive. I hate it. You hold me back. I feel guilty about cnaging, about not needing you cus of my si. And I SOOOO dont need to feel GUILTY that Ive stopped si. Its fucking SELFISH that u make me feel like that. Its SELFISH that you dont want me to have other friends. Its SELFISH that you always want me to hug you, even when Im feeling severly claustrophobic, and its SELFISH when u tell me that u dont like it when Im like that. Its SELFISH that want me to need you, and its SELFISH that you want to "fix" me and its SELFISH that u resent me for not needing "fixed". Its SELFISH that u resent me going on holiday this year. Its SELFISH that you make me feel bad that Im going away for 2 weeks. Its SELFISH that always make me feel guilty about how I need to be right now.
I dont want to lose you, but you HAVE to change. I cant cope with you like this.....I dont know how to tell you though....
TIM My maaaan!
-- Love u angel. So wish that u cld love me the same way. I dont know if u do tho. Cant wait till tomorrow. Cant wait to see you again. I love u tuns. Please love me too?Hol -- Im sorry I like ur guy. I wish I didnt. I wish I didnt do that to you. but, its just a fleeting crush. I wont like J for long, I promise. Please dont hate me....:S I love u.
Gi -- I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U. Ur A-MA-ZING! I mean it. You RAWK BIG TIME!!! Love ya xxx
-
VowsOfSadness
- sock rocker
- Posts: 3975
- Joined: Sat Dec 04, 2004 1:33 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: Pittsburgh, PA AGE:20
- Contact:
Gregg I WANT EVERYONE TO HEAR THIS
FUCK YOU. I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE. We were DONE
before but we're REALLY done now. IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN may god
help you. IM SORRY YOUR SUCH AN ASSHOLE. IM SORRY YOU HAVE
PROBLEMS BUT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE IM NOT SORRY THIS IS OUR
FINAL GOODBYE. I"LL NEVER BE YOUR FOREVER HOPELESS
DISPAIR.
FUCK YOU. I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE. We were DONE
before but we're REALLY done now. IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN may god
help you. IM SORRY YOUR SUCH AN ASSHOLE. IM SORRY YOU HAVE
PROBLEMS BUT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE IM NOT SORRY THIS IS OUR
FINAL GOODBYE. I"LL NEVER BE YOUR FOREVER HOPELESS
DISPAIR.
*Challenges welcome*
I always love a
I woke up this morning, I suddenly realized we're all in this together.
Drop by my place & say hi
Ask me anything!!!
I'm fully Recovered!
I always love a
Drop by my place & say hi
Ask me anything!!!
I'm fully Recovered!
G-d, i miss you.
--
i really need help. i'm so afraid to ask. but i need someone -- anyone. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. please.
--
mage
--
i really need help. i'm so afraid to ask. but i need someone -- anyone. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. please.
--
mage
"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." -- Vincent Van Gogh
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
-
forevercryingtears03
- creating your space
- Posts: 216
- Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2005 1:58 am
- Location: Denver CO
- Contact:
Alysse- yeah youre my sister...but you saw the scars anyway..why the fuck did you have to ask mom about them????????? i love u. youve kept secrets and you are sometimes the only person i can talk to about stuff.
Allyson- you are too damn young to go through this shit at home. its going to scar you emotionally..just the way it has to me. i love you so much little girl..and im always here for you.
Mom- you did this to me. i cut and im depressed. and you dont really care. you see the scars..and yeah youll ask about them. but do you hear me when i ask you to help me?!?!?! are you blind?!?!?! you dont realize the pain you put me through..and how you can act still. I WANT YOU TO HELP ME MOM!!!! i want you to be there for me when i truely need you. i know you can hear me...and you see it in my eyes everyday....I NEED YOU TO BE THERE FOR ME MOM!!!!
Dad-youre my #1 fan. but sometimes...you can get pissy. and yeah you love me...and thanks for sending me to a therapist..it kinda helps. love you dad.
Brian- I LOVE YOU BABE!!! thanks for always being there for me. i love you so much!!!
God now i want to cut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im not holding back this time..im not.
--Aryn
Allyson- you are too damn young to go through this shit at home. its going to scar you emotionally..just the way it has to me. i love you so much little girl..and im always here for you.
Mom- you did this to me. i cut and im depressed. and you dont really care. you see the scars..and yeah youll ask about them. but do you hear me when i ask you to help me?!?!?! are you blind?!?!?! you dont realize the pain you put me through..and how you can act still. I WANT YOU TO HELP ME MOM!!!! i want you to be there for me when i truely need you. i know you can hear me...and you see it in my eyes everyday....I NEED YOU TO BE THERE FOR ME MOM!!!!
Dad-youre my #1 fan. but sometimes...you can get pissy. and yeah you love me...and thanks for sending me to a therapist..it kinda helps. love you dad.
Brian- I LOVE YOU BABE!!! thanks for always being there for me. i love you so much!!!
God now i want to cut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im not holding back this time..im not.
--Aryn
Can you hear my cries? Screaming. Deafening cries. Looking around, wondering who's making such a racket and why they aren't being silenced. Then I realize it's me screaming.
-Darren Shan
[6 months SI free]
4 slips.
Saved By Grace: July 26, 2006.
you lied to me. you fucking lied to me. not once, not a little bit -- lots and lots of times about something that fucking matters to me and i don't think you actually give a shit.
and what the fuck is all this "talk to me, i'm here for you" bullshit? it's not true. you are not there for me at all and anything i do say will be twisted and judged until it means soemthing totally different from what i was trying to say. you don't listen to me, and you don't listen to me try to explain what i meant. you hear what you want to hear and then you go and use the things you misinterpret in a way that you lie about. "for your own good, because i love you" my arse.
fucking back off. one day i'll stop being such a pathetic shrimp and i'll actually tell you this stuff. what i'd really like to say: you have a choice -- you can either spout platitudes and lies about what it means to have a daughter, or you can actually have a daughter.
--
mage
and what the fuck is all this "talk to me, i'm here for you" bullshit? it's not true. you are not there for me at all and anything i do say will be twisted and judged until it means soemthing totally different from what i was trying to say. you don't listen to me, and you don't listen to me try to explain what i meant. you hear what you want to hear and then you go and use the things you misinterpret in a way that you lie about. "for your own good, because i love you" my arse.
fucking back off. one day i'll stop being such a pathetic shrimp and i'll actually tell you this stuff. what i'd really like to say: you have a choice -- you can either spout platitudes and lies about what it means to have a daughter, or you can actually have a daughter.
--
mage
"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." -- Vincent Van Gogh
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
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