...my dad is drunk off his ass, and i had to drive him home from the bar. i got my permit like 3 months ago, so i'm a very new driver. yeah well i had to drive my dad and the other guy who lives with us home and they were acting like asses and i was trying to drive and not get into an accedent.
the urge to si is so fucking strong right now. i hate having to be an adult. i've had to fucking be mature and look after everyone else all my life. i want someone to look after me now. i want someone to truely care and love and hold me. i have a cancer walk tomarrow, which is bringing a flood of emotions, spaning from my mothers death from cancer 3 years ago, back. i have so much fucking homework.
i just want to lay down and sleep, and quit walking down this terrifying screwed up tunnel. its so dark in here. i wish my sister was back from europe, i need someone to lean on right about now.
sry if this made no sense at all, and sry if i'm just being selfish and wasting everyones time. god, im such an ass.
Little_Girl
Another day another shit pile...
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NobodyToYou
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You are not wasting my time. And you have done nothing wrong in posting or in feeling like you want to be taken care of. I am really sorry you have to be the adult...it sounds like that is way too much burden on you and I can see why you would get frustrated with it. I am an adult, and I get frustrated with it too...especially when I feel I have to take care of other people who ought to be taking care of themselves. And in your case, you are taking care of someone who ought to be taking care of you, your dad.
I am sorry driving was so stressful...it is hard enough to be a new driver without having to deal with drunk people in your car. But congratulations on getting through it safely. You have a right to be proud of yourself for that.
I can see that having to do that would make a lot of other emotions stronger too...the tension from the car ride would probably make me feel everything more deeply, and you have enough being stirred up by the cancer walk.
I wish your sister were there...what would she do that would make you feel better? How can you find a way to try to do that for yourself or find someone else who can help do it? I know that no one will be able to do as well as your sister would, but maybe you can find something that helps a little.
I hope it gets better soon. Remember that it is ok to have these feelings. You don't have to be upset with yourself for having them...they are normal. And if the people around you can't or won't nurture you, try to give yourself a little bit anyway. You deserve it, even if you don't always feel like you do.
I am sorry driving was so stressful...it is hard enough to be a new driver without having to deal with drunk people in your car. But congratulations on getting through it safely. You have a right to be proud of yourself for that.
I can see that having to do that would make a lot of other emotions stronger too...the tension from the car ride would probably make me feel everything more deeply, and you have enough being stirred up by the cancer walk.
I wish your sister were there...what would she do that would make you feel better? How can you find a way to try to do that for yourself or find someone else who can help do it? I know that no one will be able to do as well as your sister would, but maybe you can find something that helps a little.
I hope it gets better soon. Remember that it is ok to have these feelings. You don't have to be upset with yourself for having them...they are normal. And if the people around you can't or won't nurture you, try to give yourself a little bit anyway. You deserve it, even if you don't always feel like you do.
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