stopping

everythingends666 · Post by **everythingends666** » Thu May 12, 2005 11:55 pm

I honestly do not want to stop hurting myself. I want to want to stop, but i feel so helpless cuz i know i cant make myself want to. Ive realized that self-injury is wrecking my life. Im starting to lose friends over it. But i also feel grateful for it cuz it has separated my true friends from the backstabbing ones and it has helped me make new friends. Is this wrong? Should i just try to force myself to stop even though i dont want to? It's a miracle if i can get through two days without it. I'm also considering making everyone believe i stopped so that I can have my friends back and the pleasure of self-injury, but i want to know if I would be doing the right thing. I know it's not right to lie about something that my friends care about, but i feel like im protecting them by not letting them know. Help!

Laura · Post by **Laura** » Fri May 13, 2005 7:09 pm

I didn't vote, because I am stopping now. But I remember a long period where I "wanted to want to stop", exactly like you described.
I think back then the state I was in, the need to SI was so powerful that stopping didn't seem like an option. But once I was feeling better then it because a real possibility and I did want to. I still want to. There are times when I have mixed feelings about it, but mostly I want to stop now.

I haven't found lying about it helped. Most of my friends are people I trust; the people I have tried to hide it from have been family. But it gets complicated, even now, remembering who knows what and trying not to say the wrong thing. And of course allowing people to think you're fine when you're not just puts you under great strain, at least that's what I find.

Good luck
Laura

demidivine · Post by **demidivine** » Fri May 13, 2005 10:25 pm

i didn't vote, but i lean towards the "no". i need it, its one of my only ways of coping with what i throw at myself and make myself do. but at some points - very rarely - i would like to want to stop. but i don't need another challenge at the moment.
i often feel guilty that even when i'm visibly hurting people, when my mum says she cant sleep for worrying, and when k holds me so so tightly, i still dont totally want to stop. i feel abominably awful, but in most cases, it makes me want to punish myself further. what a spiral...

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Sat May 14, 2005 9:51 pm

deleted

save_me_from_myself · Post by **save_me_from_myself** » Sun May 15, 2005 5:29 pm

yup *nods head* im at the same place right now. xx

Elena · Post by **Elena** » Mon May 16, 2005 4:22 am

To me, SI sounds like a comforting thing to keep in my life-style. I'd rather keep doing it, than struggle through a harsh life without. What I really want is a life where I don't need it. Even though it's not something I want to do, it doesn't cause me trouble. So I have no reason to want to stop, and to take away that safety net. I just want the energy to want to stop, and simultaneously to want to change my life. ...or something.

lugubrious · Post by **lugubrious** » Mon May 16, 2005 4:33 am

i don't wanna stop self harming, but i really want to want to stop. i want to want to stop for my friends. it feels like i should want to stop, i shouldn't want to cut. but it just feels so safe. i know if things get to bad and i can't cope i always have the option of cutting and making it go away for awhile.

Elena · Post by **Elena** » Mon May 16, 2005 5:11 am

My thoughts exactly, lugubrious. I'm glad I'm not alone for feeling that way.

ghoulie13 · Post by **ghoulie13** » Mon May 16, 2005 12:59 pm

i am a dumbass.
do i want to stop
but not want to want to stop

i have to think about that one a sec....
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ding.....
i want to stop
and i want to want to stop.

hey this is the "bus stop"

he he he he he he he
i crack myself up!!

jaded melody · Post by **jaded melody** » Mon May 16, 2005 5:36 pm

I am in recovery so im trying to stop but there was definitely a time when i wanted to want to stop but i didnt.

kate_ · Post by **kate_** » Mon May 16, 2005 8:54 pm

i used to want to stop...and i did stop for twenty something days.
but then i had a 'slip', well i pretty much just started again...and i couldn't believe how good it felt. so now i don't want to stop, but i wish i did

John Galt · Post by **John Galt** » Fri May 20, 2005 5:05 am

I dont know. Supposedly its bad, but it helps me out. So I guess I should want to understand why its bad but I dont think I should stop if it helps so much.

silenceBROKEN · Post by **silenceBROKEN** » Tue May 24, 2005 9:12 pm

I don't know. But for some reason, I am trying to stop.

I think that in the big perspective I really want to stop, but the little stuff, life my mood today for instance confuses me sometimes.

bus

stopping

Do you not want to stop, but want to want to stop?

stopping

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