Stupid Little Fears I Cant Get Over...

IntoDarkness · Post by **IntoDarkness** » Mon May 02, 2005 3:12 am

I'm not sure where to post this... so I'm going to post it here...

I've got this... problem I guess it could be called. I've got really stupid fears and worries that hold me back from doing a lot. I know they hold me back, but I cant change them (trust me I did). Here's some of them...:
I have a fear of being around people (Even friends that I love and trust) because I think that there judging me, or calling me names, or something.
I have a very bad fear of being in a car (Not driving, but like in the passenger side or something). I'm afraid that the wheel is going to lock up and we'll drive off the side into a river or something.
I'm scared of shopping. What if I buy something that I <i>think</i> looks good on me, but really looks bad.
I'm afraid of calling people because I think there going to be busy, or I'm going to be bothering them.
I'm afraid of eating the last of something in the fridge because I think that I might be taking it from someone who really wants it.
I have a fear of going out with my friends because I think I'm going to make a fool of myself and they'll laugh at me.
I'm afraid of starting something new (Like when I tried to play the Violin) because I'm afraid of being totally horrible at it and everyone'll laugh at me.

I have more, but I'm just listing those. I dont know what to do about them. I dont <i>like</i> being afraid, but I dont know what to do. If anyone has any idea's on how to work around this, or possibly change it, then I'm open for idea's. Thanks

-(*IntoDarkness*)-

mallie · Post by **mallie** » Mon May 02, 2005 7:16 am

Firstly, Welcome to BUS and the coping board

I hope you find the support you need here.

I don't think those fears sound stupid or little at all. They do sound very distressing and difficult to deal with.

My first suggestion would be to get yourself into therapy if you're not already. Your fears are valid, and working on them with someone like a T would be really useful.

Are you able to do some of these things despite your fears ? I have some pretty (to me) trivial fears, but they're enough to make me quite anxious at times, and although I don't like it I can do them if I have to. Sometimes gradual exposure to things can be a good way to learn to deal with them.

IntoDarkness · Post by **IntoDarkness** » Mon May 02, 2005 4:59 pm

Thanks

I dont think I can get therapy. My dad's in the hospital right now, and my mom's going to be working two less days to take him to chemo and radiation when he gets out, and we just... dont have the money. Therapy costs a LOT of money, and its just something we dont have.

If I have to do things, I can do them, but I get nervous and fidgety. They started a while ago, and I had hoped that they would just go away, but they just get worse. I dont really know what to do about them. I'm really scared (wow... I really sound like a wimp) to ask my mother about therapy or something along those lines.

Thanks,
-IntoDarkness-

mallie · Post by **mallie** » Tue May 03, 2005 4:32 am

Sometimes there are lower cost or free counselling available. If you can post where you are (roughly, a country/city would probably do) people here might have some suggestions. If you're still at school, or at college/uni, there could be someone there you could see.

Would some relaxation techniques help out at all ? There was a post on a thread about social anxiety that had a relaxation technique that could be useful for when you're out with people. The thread might help you feel less alone actually, definately worth taking a look at.

Are there things you can work out that will help with different situations. For example... (these are just ideas, I don't guarantee they're good ideas

)

I'm scared of shopping. What if I buy something that I think looks good on me, but really looks bad.

Could you take someone with you that would give you an honest opinion ? I normally go shopping with my little sister, and I know she wouldn't hold back on telling me I look awful in something (but might be a tad more gentle than that).

I'm afraid of calling people because I think there going to be busy, or I'm going to be bothering them.

Could you arrange a time before to call ? Or just "I'll call you tonight" ? Or when you call, ask if they're free for a chat then (this is what I do usually)

I'm afraid of eating the last of something in the fridge because I think that I might be taking it from someone who really wants it.

Ask ? Or just say, 'I'm taking the last X'. What would be the worst thing to happen if you did eat something someone else wanted ?

Hopefully more people will post with other thoughts. There have to be ways to work around at least some of these things.

IntoDarkness · Post by **IntoDarkness** » Tue May 03, 2005 2:10 pm

Er... I live in Western Pa, on the ohio border.

When I go shopping, I usually go with my mother because she still thinks she owns me and all of that wonderful stuff. She's always very nice to me, and she says I look good in a lot of stuff, but I know sometimes she's just lying. And I'm a only child, other then my 30 year old half brother and a 48 year old brother/like person whom is currently in cali. Dont really have anyone to shop with lol.

The phone thing I've tried - I tell people I'll call them at, like, three if I'm not busy, but what if something comes up and there busy? Or if they've got a friend over and don't want to talk to me? Or if they where really just being nice and think I'm annoying? Its all the what if's that get to me, you know?

Thanks for the relaxation stuff, I'm going to try it

-(*IntoDarkness*)-

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Tue May 03, 2005 5:13 pm

I get really nervous about calling people too. But what I tell myself is "how many times have people called me while I was busy? Was it really a big deal for me?" I know that when I'm in the middle of something and someone calls, I appreciate the call and tell them nicely that I'll call them back when I am not busy. No harm done. Thinking about that sometimes make it a bit easier sometimes.

mallie · Post by **mallie** » Wed May 04, 2005 3:52 am

What about shopping with friends ?

Most people aren't going to be so nice to talk to you consistently if they think you're annoying. Your friends see some value in you, that you might be unable to see in yourself. If someone can't talk when you call, but offers to call back later, that doesn't mean they don't want to talk, just that it would be better at a different time.

Could you outright ask your friends for reassurance that they don't find you annoying, or that they do like you ? If you let people know you're feeling a little insecure, they're usually happy to reassure and comfort.

RG · Post by RG » Thu May 05, 2005 4:28 am

I also feel nervous about calling people. I am afraid that I will bother them or catch them a bad moment. I also have problems asking people for help so that could add to it to I think. It's interesting...........

mallie · Post by **mallie** » Thu May 05, 2005 4:51 am

RG wrote:I also feel nervous about calling people. I am afraid that I will bother them or catch them a bad moment. I also have problems asking people for help so that could add to it to I think. It's interesting...........

How do you think you could work on this nervousness ?

NobodyToYou · Post by **NobodyToYou** » Thu May 05, 2005 5:51 am

One thing I wanted to point out...and I don't know if I can do it clearly enough to make sense right now...is that the stress your family is under right now may be part of the cause of your anxiety. There is a LOT of pressure on your family right now, between your Dad's illness, financial strain, and your Mom's worries...While I know this probably isn't that big of a deal to you, the feeling that your mom is trying to control your or smother you can also contribute to the stress on you. It seems almost like you are soaking up her anxiety...she feels better from taking care of you, but you feel worse? Does this make any sense? I should have waited to write this tomorrow, but I was afraid I would forget.
If family stress is part of the problem, it may help for you to look for ways to define who you are apart from the stress. Even making small decisions for yourself (what will I wear today, or what you want to eat) that let you be a bit more independent from your mom may help build your confidence. And try not to let too much of the family stress land on you. Yes, your dad needs care. Yes, there is a lot of stress...but you are still a person who deserves some care too. If they cannot give it to you, for whatever reason, try to give it to yourself. I would recommend talking to a T if possible. I know therapy seems very expensive, but many schools have a counselor available. Even if you don't want to talk to them about everything you are dealing with, having a place to talk about some of the stress your family is under may help...
And you know you can always come talk to us here. I hope things get better. If this didn't make sense, feel free to PM me with questions. I will be careful to answer them when I am awake, unlike now.

RG · Post by RG » Thu May 05, 2005 6:07 am

I don't know I have been trying to work on the nervousness by working the courage up to calling people. This is a huge step for me just calling people when I am in a rut. SO I guess continuing to so what I am doing now by trying to call people when I am at a low and try and get help for me. Thats all I can really think ab out right now to do about it

Stupid Little Fears I Cant Get Over...

Stupid Little Fears I Cant Get Over...

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