When Family Members Are Hospitalized... *SI

[IntoDarkness]

My father is currently in the hospital with a advanced stage of Lung Cancer. I'm trying my hardest not to cut, but its so stressing I just dont know what to do. It's very sudden, too, because my dad was fine Sunday (Yeah, a week from today) and monday he was coughing up blood and he had to go to the hospital. He's sedated, and has a breathing tube down his throat. I dont cry, because I need to be strong for my mom. I'm so stressed right now. I havent cut in a while, but I'm so afraid right now. I just... need some help. Any kind.

Thanks...

-(*IntoDarkness*)-

[NobodyToYou]

wow, that sounds incredibly hard...
I understand that you need to be strong for your mom, but is there any time that you can get away and be with someone who you DON'T have to be strong for? I think if it was me, a friend who could hold me while I cried would mean the world...(if I could cry, which would be another question entirely). Do your friends and your family's friends know what is going on? Who could stay with your mom, to give you a chance to cry or scream or let some of these feelings out? Who could help you stay safe while you let these feelings out?
If nothing else, does the hospital have a chaplain or counselors available? They would probably be a big help right now, since they are used to situations like this and aren't so personally involved. You won't have to worry about being strong for them...
I hope you are holding up ok. This sounds like it would be very hard for anyone to handle...
I will be praying for your dad, I hope you don't mind.

[IntoDarkness]

Thanks 'NobodyToYou'.

The night that I found out my father had Cancer, I called my best friend Rachel (She's closer to me then my sister), and I tried to talk to her about it, but it didnt end up well. She didnt know what to say, and quickly changed the subject. Even now, when we talk online or something, she'll ask me how he's doing, but then she'll talk about something totally different. I dont really have anyone to cry on, or to talk to, because the only person that I know that I could <i>maybe</i> do that, I would feel weird talking to (He's my ex boyfriend, so... yeah).
Thanks

-(*IntoDarkness*)-

[NobodyToYou]

I am sorry your friend is so uncomfortable about this...if you need to vent or cry or scream online, feel free to PM me. I will try to get back to you quickly. Or you can do that on here...maybe not as effective as having someone IRL, but I promise that we can handle it. I wonder if your friend would handle it better if you could tell her what you need from her? For example something like "I know you can't solve anything and you are probably hurting right now too, but I really need you to just listen to me for a few minutes and tell me that I am not alone and I don't have to be strong all the time." You know your friend better than I do, so you know how she would handle that better than I would...I imagine she is also hurting (because you are) and doesn't know how to handle the situation.
I don't know...I wish there was someone you could lean on because this has to be really difficult...
Another thing I thought of, which may not be that helpful right now, but you can store it away for sometime in the future...I know you need to be strong for your mom sometimes, but are there times when she may need to feel like the strong one? Sometimes having someone to take care of can make me feel stronger...so if you did cry, it might actually help her, because she could actually DO something about that situation. It might help her feel less helpless about your Dad's situation. I don't know...just a thought...
I hope you can hang on...take care of yourself...

[RG]

First off I will start off my saying oh terribly sorry this has happened to your dad and also to how you feel. I also kind of know where your coming from. 2 years ago my aunt was diagnosed with leukimia and loupus. The she was called in for an immediate partial vasectomy of her breast, I saw her at her worse and it had huge trigs with it. Later on when they told her that she wouldn't have to worry bout it ever again she had to get 4 more surgeries and is now in a life or death situation with her white blood cell count going out of control due to her leukimia. So all I can say is pull from your family they are the best ressources you have. Friends are great but some have problems coping with stress and problems of others.
So if you can get anything from this is that you are not alone and I know it's very hard to go through what your going through right now. Stay strong and be with your family. Feel free to PM me at anytime. Take care and hope you feel better.. (((((hugs))))) if wanted
Chels

[mallie]

It is okay to cry. Crying is not a sign of weakness. You can still help care for your mom if you cry and feel things too. If you can't cry in front of her, doing it when you're on your own, or as suggested above, with a trusted friend/other family could be good.

If there is anyone you can talk to, that would be worthwhile. Even your ex bf if you still get along okay could be worth approaching. Talking to a counsellor could be useful. Talking here, just letting things out might help.

Looking after yourself is the most important thing you can do right now. Even if you feel you need to be strong for or look after your mom, that has to come second to making sure you're okay. You can't care for anyone else if you're falling apart. What do you think you need right now ? Or what do you want ?

[IntoDarkness]

Thank you everyone who's posted! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Anyway... I dont know of anyone who I can really talk to and cry on. My best friend is very, very self centered and such, and she'd freak out if I started crying when I talked to her, or if I asked her to just listen and <i>try</i> to make me feel better. I mean, I love her - she's like a sister to me - but she doesnt know how to deal with anyone's problems but her own.

I'm not close to any other of my friends exept maybe one, and it would feel... odd talking to him about this, because for one, he's a guy, and two, I would feel weak and helpless and all that jazz, and I dont like feeling like that. I've always had to be strong in my family. I had two brothers (Neither of them lived with me, but they where over a lot and I was kind of close to them) and I was always trying to be 'one of the guys' with my friends since I dont get along with girls, and we never talked about feelings or anything like that, so now that I'm older its very weird for me to express how I feel with any of my friends. Its just... how I am.

Thanks for the help, guys. *hugs*

-(IntoDarkness)-

[silenceBROKEN]

short on words, but i wanted to let you know that when any family member of mine is hospitalized, i feel intense urges to harm myself.