can anyone help me? *SI, physical injury*

[dylanlil]

*triggers - SI, non-SI injuries (graphic)*
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I have SI for 20 yrs i am 34 and stopped for 4yrs there but replaced it with gamblin thus im now in a lot of debt on the verge of losin my house. I stopped gamblin through gamblers annoyomous but now i have started to SI again. I break my own bones and feel just gradification and calm and such a release. I dont know of any other way to deal with the life i have had. I was abused as a child age 6 till i was 16, i told someone and through that my brother committed suicide more guilt for me my dad then died young of a heart attack after many years of tryin to poison him for what he had done to me more guilt for me, I was then in a car accident recently with four kids in it my niece age18 and her friend age17 died, the jeep left the motorway and rolled in the rocks with the kids being ejected out the windows while i watched and tried to keep them in the jeep my nieces shoe came off in my hand as she went through the sunroof. her friend was decapitated and broke in two the wrong way and my nieces held was smashed of the rocks. I dont know why i should survive this and they didnt when they had their whole lives in front of them and i didnt want to live. I was told by a physchiatrist that i have post traumatic stress. I have a daughter of my own and SI saves me from suicide. please help i would like to feel a little normality.
many many thanks for your time

dylanlil

[mallie]

Hi Dylanlil.

Welcome to BUS. I hope you can find some of the support you need here.

Are you in therapy at all ? It sounds as though you have had a lot of trauma in your life that needs to be understood and worked through. Talking through it with a professional could be a really good plan.

Learning other coping skills than SI takes time, but it is possible. For short term ways to deal with urges, check out the VAST list of coping strategies for some ideas.

- Mallie.

[dylanlil]

many thanks everyone for ur help, i guess i no its one day at a time, i am glad i found this site as i think it is so cool to have help on hand in private. many many thanks again

hugzssssssssssss

[Semiramis]

dylanlil
Welcome!!! It's great to have you here!
It sounds like you have experienced a lot of bad things in your life, a lot of stuff to work through. Do you have a therapist?
It's great that you realised that gambling was a substitute for SI and it's fantastic that you managed to quit gambling.
I often ask myself why some people have it so much easier in life than others, and why some people die and others survive. There must be a reason why your life was saved. And most of all you shouldn't feel guitly for anything that happened in your life. Nothing was your fault, it really wasn't!!!!
You know, if you managed to heal and found your way out of SI you would be a great help to other people who are going through similar things as you.

[dylanlil]

yes i have a mental health social worker who calls to my home every fortnight, but i find it hard to be entirely truthful with her as im scared of them puttin me in a mental hospital. and i have a daughter to consider. I have a friend in G A that is talkin to me i have just told him and he has found out the broken arm im runnin about with was caused by myself. I no im glad i found this option on the net as it has shown me copin mechanisims. many many thanks again.

hugzzzzzzzzzzz