If my mother knows????!!!

[Semiramis]

Today my mother asked me whether I had drunken from the Campari we have at home. I sayd that I did when my friends were here. She asked me whether I drink on my own sometimes. I said no. She said if I did, then she'd be worried about me, because it's not good to pour your problems down with alcohol.
After that I felt like crying. If my mother knew everything, she would be shocked I guess.
But why does she talk about me having problems? She sees that I am fat, and that's enought for her to prove that someone has a problem. She knows that I am going to therapy and that I am taking antidepressants, but nothing more.
I hope she doesn't know about me drinking alcohol in my room!!! It's enough that she already knows about the food.
In a weeks time I am going on a trip with my mother for a few days. I am so scared that she will see the scars on my legs and belly!!!! This woulde be the end for me, I rather don't think about that situation!

This evening I am going to a birthday party of a collegue, and I guess there will be quite a few people taht I don't like so well. There are no close friends of me there...I hope I won't be left alone standing in a corner. I am already now determined to drink. I guess I'm alcoholic. I just need to drink at the weekends (and sometimes also during the week). I know it won't lead me anywhere I want to be, but still I can't stop it.
In case there won't be enought alcohol at the party, I am taking a bottle with me, in my bag, so I can drink afterwards. If I think about this...it really sounds like an alcoholic, i really need this stuff to feel that I am having fun. And maybe I am going to see a man tonight, but only if I'm drunk enough, maybe then I will want to see him. He's much older than me, and I barely know him and I don't have any feelings for him.

I know it must sound very stupid that I am writing these things here. Why do I act like this if I already know that it isn't good? I don't know, and I don't know how to stop myself, nor if I really want to. And this scares me!

Thank you for listening!!

[cocolovett]

hey,
im really worried about you. ive not had good experience with others being alcoholics. i dont like it at all. my dad & brother are both alcoholics & those are the 2 people that i live with. i dont like seeing my dad drinking all the time cuz i know its bad for him, it scares me to see him like this, i dont like seeing him in so much pain (reason for drinking) & i just hate him when he drinks. hes usually not very attentive to me & he feels like hes so close to me & he loves me so much. i dont feel this at all & i cant tell him cuz i dont want to hurt him. i think my brother also drinks cuz of how much pain hes in. he also does drugs. i dont think hes doing very well but i really dont know cuz i never see him. im lucky if i see him for 2 or 3 minutes a week & thats just when hes walking out the door after he wakes up on a saturday or sunday. i say hi & thats all i see of him. im not close to him either. these 2 people are all the imediate family i have & my friends families feel more like family to me than my own.... by far. also my friends dad is a major alcoholic & the social service people want to take my friend away & have him live with someone else. he loves his dad so much & doesnt want to live with someone else just cuz his dads not responsible. hes living at home again now, but he was living somewhere else cuz his dad was in the hospital... i think cuz he drank too much or something.
sorry if this didnt make sense.

i just dont want to see you end up like them. i dont want to see you end up in a hospital for intoxicating yourself or anything like that. it also hurts your loved ones very much as you can see, even though you may not realize its actually hurting them. i am hurt by my dad & brother but they probably would never guess it cuz i hide my feelings. please keep that in mind.

sorry if this sounds mean or anything, im just concerned.
im glad that you actually recognized that youre an alcoholic. you always here people saying that admitting it is the biggest step & it may not seem like it but it actually is. i cant get my dad to admit that hes an alcoholic & therefore he cant get help.
i encourage you to at least try to stop. i think its for the best, im almost positive it is.
please make the best decision.
take care of yourself & good luck with whatever you decide,
~coco

[Priceless]

HI
i wanted to say something, you can get help for youre drinking problem, theres AA, even in my town.
Heres the link to AA switzerland http://www.aasri.org/, i hope you can use it to get help, ive heard really meny good stories about them.
i hope things get better
take gentle care
P

[liltinkerbell]

o I hope ur ok!!!!!!!! there's not a lot of things that work to distract u from drinking except for people basically holding u down n keeping u from it.... maybe someone u truly care about (if there is someone like that) would really understand n be able to give u the courage to get help or like I had to do w/ my mom (although she was able to lie n I couldnt prove it therefore mission failed) n they could give u the kick in the a** to get moving..
idk sry I didnt help much