what should i do?

[green_eyes]

when my boyfriend found out that i self injured, he told me he didn't want me doing it anymore...foolishly in the moment i promised him that i wouldn't cut anymore...now i don't know what to do, i can't tell him that i didn't think the promise through and i can't cut anymore...i feel deprived of the only thing that i have when the flooding starts in my chest....he can't understand how it feels to be left without cutting...what should i do?

[Suze]

Sounds like he doesn't know much about SI - I'd tell him more about it, or give him some information to read. You're going to have to tell him that it'll be too harmful for you to keep your promise. This situation is bad for both of you - you HAVE to talk to him. Maybe you could write your feelings down if facing him seems too hard.

[mallie]

Hi Green Eyes.

Welcome to Bus.

Promising to stop SI for someone else is really hard, especially when you don't have other coping mechanisms in place yet. As Suze suggests, educating him on SI and talking to him about it is a really good place to start. Debs page has loads of good information, and would be a good introduction.

It is possible to get through things without cutting or SI, hopefully being around this board and talking to people here can give you some ideas on how to get through.

Love Mallie.

[green_eyes]

thank you both so much, i do have to talk to him about this all.
i hope that being around other self injurers will help me through this.

[Licentia Poetica]

Definately talk to him about it.

Maybe you could print out some info on SI or direct him to a website?

It's not realistic to promise someone that you're going to stop. Not because you don't want to stop or you don't want to please him, but because you need to learn better coping resources to put in place first

However, the fact that he is encouraging you in the right direction is great, I'm sure when he understands a little more, he'll be a great coping resource for you, but remember that a relationship should be balanced. You're both there for each other.

Good luck

[shadow of a smile]

hey
i made the same promise to my mom a year ago when i told her about my SI. i kept it for a little while, but really all it did was make me feel worse the next time i did it. making promises about never cutting again doesn't help, it just adds guilt. but i've found that sometimes when i get upset it helps me to make a short term promise to whoever i'm talking to for support. i'll promise not to cut during the next 3 hours, or even that whole night. that helps me b/c it's a realistic goal and that i feel that i can meet, and the other person doesn't worry about me as much. it doesn't completely remove the option, just puts it off for a while.
anyway, i hope you 2 can work something out that both of you can live with. i'm glad he's concerned about you and wants to help! it's a great start.
emily