Things Left Unsaid *LA*

[demidivine]

i'm NOT this organised, i'm NOT in control, i'm tired and overworked and have too much on and DONT JUST ASSUME that because i can do the rest of the donkey work, i want to do yours.

K - i know you supported me, but it doesnt just switch off. please help yourself, and please take some more interest in what i'm saying to you - i know you listen, but register and respond. but i cant say this to you, because then i feel like i'm a whining nag.

P - i'm sorry, i'm taken, please dont make this an uncomfortable working friendship by trying to get more. same goes for S.

B - ok, yes, i fancy you. ha! only a bit. but i do. i can say it here.

[magebaby]

i feel like i can't do anything right for you. i just want to help, but everything i do or say seems to make thigns worse. you said you wanted me to talk to you, but everytime i try you get hurt and angry and upset, and i jsut don't know what to do or say anymore.

--

i love you. and i worry about you. i know this stuff can be hard to handle and i don't want to put more of it on you than you can handle. part of me thinks i should push you away -- to keep you safe, to keep you well. but i can't stand the thought of hurting you, and i think you would be hurt if you didn't understand why i was pushing you away, but i also know that you wouldn't go away if you did understand. you'd insist that you wanted to help me. and i jsut want to protect you from it and i don't know how.

--

talk to me sweetie. i love you. we'll get through this. hang in there.

--

mage

[lost down here]

I love the way you hold me and make the rest of the world disappear. I love the way you hold my hand, the way you hug me, the way you kiss me softly. I love the way you look so deeply into my eyes when I'm speaking to you, knowing that you're listening and that you care about me. I love how comfortable I am when I'm with you and how nothing else matters. I love how you make me happy and the way you make my heart jump. I love the way you say that you love me. I love how you keep your promises and how you are always so thoughtful. I love you with all of my heart - it belongs to you now and I trust you with it more than I have ever trusted anyone in my life. I love you, I love you, I love you. I would do anything for you

[nirvana]

i'm sorry i'm not good enough. not pretty enough. or hot enough. and i wish i was. i don't know how to make myself better for you. maybe this shouldn't bother me at all. but you talked about it. and wrote about it, not about me. fuck it i wish i could cry.

this is STUPID and you should have told me what the FUCK you were doing to my knee before the surgery. NOT six months AFTER. you can't just fucking tell me there's a screw in my knee, and that you might have messed up, and you MIGHT have to take it out. WHAT THE FUCK??

i wish i could cry. i wish i remembered how.

there is SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.

[Guest]

I love you so much. It feels like I'm forgetting you. I hate you for leaving me. Why did you have to go? Why didn't you tell me that you had cancer and were gonna die? You let me think you were gonna get better. You told me you were better. You let me think we were gonna have a future! I love you more than anything, why didn't you take me with you? I miss you!

[Wall]

How can I tell you that I'm falling apart? That I don't understand what's happening? That the simplest things cause me to feel attacked, like I'm coming apart, dying? Please understand, there are just sometimes I need you to let me be. I don't understand it any better than you.

[swanfaerie]

you lost a good thing by not having me back. i wish you the best but it hurts like f'g hell that you couldn't even talk to me directly. but what do you care. you have no vested interest in this. i'm a damn good nurse and a very caring person. i know you have your own standards and i respect that, but you haven't a rat's ass clue what you just threw away.

and you know what i'm maddest about? that i'm letting this get to me. i'm not even f'g talking to you. i'm trying to convince myself that it's true. cuz it is. so why don't i believe it?

[GLaDOS]

(Sorry, this'll be in Hungarian, hope you don't mind...)

K: Figyelj, tényleg nem tudom, hogy mit gondoljak. Most akkor vagy én csesztem el ezt az egészet, vagy te... mindenesetre kettőnk közül az egyik. És nem akarok választani... Utálom, hogy ebbe a helyzetbe hoztatok. Mi a fenéért nem lehet meglenni??? És ANNYIRA tudtam, hogy ez lesz a vége! Nem tudom, hogy mi a francnak mentem bele... azaz dehogynem tudom, mert jó volt így együtt. És most már kezdem érezni, hogy nem én csesztem el... Nem tudom!

[~*Star*~]

youve made me feel so bad and its not even your fault. im not jealous of you or anything, not really, just sorta, invalidated. i dont know and im being such a bitch about this i know i am. i know im a bitch. you have a dad. he loves you. mine doesnt. hes not seen you for a couple of days, big big deal. thats nothing. sorry but its not. i know im being such a fucking twat over this. but sorry. he didnt tell you because he loves you. he cares about your feelings and didnt want to hurt them. i know you have every right to feel like this you're going through hell for christs sake, you really are and i do not eveny you at all for that. ive been through it i know what its like, but its 4 days. that is nothing. if mine was like that id love it. if i saw him once every 4 years id love it. then at least id of seen him once so far. you dont know how good you have it. god im a bitch. i hate me. hate hate hate. i hate me. why? because im a bitch. but it will get better for you. it will for me, but not with this. i know that. you are loved.

im sorry.

[Wall]

why did you ignore it? why did you push me away? how could you proclaim how important it was to run to those who need help and then ignore me shouting that I was hurting? how can you say that when someone shares something personal it's for a reason and then do nothing? how can i have the strength to suck breath into my lungs knowing that none of that applies to me? that somehow i matter so much less that i dont' warrant the kindness that others do? why can't i matter? why can't i be one who is loved? is there never any kindness for me?

[nirvana]

i don't want to know those kinds of things. I DIDN'T FUCKING WANT TO KNOW. again, as usual. it's nice not knowing. i can act like it doesn't bother me all you want. but i'd rather not have to lie. and i can't not lie if you tell me those kinds of things. i'm sorry i'm not perfect, and that i'm not hot enough or pretty enough. just don't let me know that, because i never had a problem with myself until you.

"i didn't want to know... i just didn't want to know.
it's best to keep things in the shallow end,
cause i never quite learned how to swim.
i just didn't want to know.
i close my eyes just to look at you,
taken by the seamless vision.
and i close my eyes... ignore the smoke...
ignore the smoke and smile."

[Wall]

why do some people get to be loved? why couldn't i be sent to people who would love me and see my value? why would you send me to someone who would see me as inferior and reject me? why would i be told it was right? it wasnt. why didn't anyone care? why wouldn't you send someone to care? why didn't anyone care to hear? why did no one hear my screams? why did no one care that i wanted to die? why was i left alone to suffer? why didn't someone care for my children that they were hurt, too? why does everyone smile and pretend that it didn't happen and just think i should expect to be damaged and just let it be my lot? why doesn't anyone thinking damaging me further is bad?

will anyone ever sit next to me who loves me?

[QuietPurr]

Alright, let's see...

Sean has a different version of the same problem. THE SAME PROBLEM. It was brought about by our environment, the one you raised us in. JUST BECAUSE he and I have differernt personality styles does not change this fact. Just he's popular and has girls writing stupid schnit on his car doesn't change that either.

We're messed up like that because of our ENVIRONMENT. That's the one YOU CREATED. Now I get anxiety attacks and escape into books. Sean obsesses about his looks and escapes into video games. THE ONLY REASON PRJCC WORKED IS BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T EXPECT PERFECTION.

I'd never felt like I'd had a home before, or since. I never felt like I would be backed up before, or since. I've never felt like just me was enough, before or since.

YOU certainly never gave me that.

[swanfaerie]

you won't see me cry. you won't see me cave. you think so saw a mamabear before? guess the fuck what....it's gonna get 10 times worse now. no one messes with my kids.

[magebaby]

fuck off. i'm nobody's toy.

--

mage

[GLaDOS]

Thanks for telling me... You know, I really have no idea what to do. And you're not helping.

[acdcrocker1909]

Brooke - You have been there for me for what feels like Forever and a day, and i'm glad to have you, my teddybear, to hug when i feel like im losing it. im glad to be able to have my emotions shown in a different light, im so thankful to have you as one of my friends. I can trust you with my life, and i'd do anything for you.You've made me believe in myself, you are proud of me when i make another milestone. Just knowing you care is enough, and yet you helped me quit smoking, drinking, some of my swearing, and SI.. out of all of those, SI's been the roughest and yet, no matter what, you've stood by me.. you make me laugh, and you make me smile.. sometimes so much that my face hurts.. when i screw up, you're not mad.. you're disappointed.. and it puts a hitch in me.. but you always forgive me when i say im sorry.. and Brooke, I love you. you are the best. i thank you with everything i have, and everything i will gain.. you mean the world to me just because you are you.

Beth- My friend, you and me share boredom online with each other, and talks about Greg, hehe, and you dont realize it, but you've calmed me down a few times, and i thank you

Shan - We've been here for each other, and no matter what.. i love ya, cause you make me laugh and you've had me perfect my listening skill.

Steph - You mean alot to me, and i would never trade you in for anything.

S - You selfish bitch. I fuckin hate you. You wanted the damned truth and yet when i am finally able to gather the strength to tell you that you've fuckin changed, you act as though i backstabbed you and joined 'The fan club' as you called it.. i hope county is fun.. cause do you deserve that 1st? do you? you never went to districts and you may of had a good reason (not that i know) but you never said shit.. and if you want out of this place so FUCKIN BAD THEN LEAVE AND NEVER RETURN!

Mr.P - You will never know what you mean to me.. i hope in time i can tell you..

Sr.E. - you fuckin pervert.. nobody likes you.. fuck off..

Senioritis Seniors - WAKE UP still 17 weeks till its over ( i think) be nicer to the ones you are leaving behind.


wow.. i really feel good now.. really really good.. hurray

[marylou]

I'm sorry guys. For giving up. For giving up on myself. I wish I'd never told any of you, I wish you weren't involved.
I messed it all up.
I'm sorry.

[GLaDOS]

I can't do it. Point. Why can't you just accept that? It's way too early... I'm not on that level yet... But I'll do it, as I don't have anything else I could do. So there, be happy.

[Wall]

how do i tell you? you're always so busy. i feel brushed off or avoided. everything is kept on a surface level and in places where there's no possibility of saying something actually meaningful. i've tried e-mails, but you seem resistant -- or maybe it's just my fear reading something into it. right now i've got nothing, or near nothing, just a small, shrinking bit of hope that someone will see me and want to let me know.