do i not want to get better?

[VowsOfSadness]

SI MENTIONED SO PLS BE CAREFUL...
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I don't know why I did it, I don't regret it, but I really don't pride myself on it either, I doubt I even need it. I'm referring to the *x* X (about the size ok a key on my keybord) on my pulse point and my "dark spots".

I think there is something wrong with me, I NEVER count how many weeks I go without SI (though I can go a great many weeks, I just went 2 1/2 to 3 i think, but then again I wouldn't know), I don't give myself the BUS round purple things, you know the ones, I don't congradulate. I often feel, from my depression I never want to get better, and it's so embarrasing, WHEN IT'S unbareable I wish I had never heard of it, but when I'm getting better I get scared, hide, and fall back down the rabbit hole.

I'm so messed up, what's wrong with me?

[Guest]

it sounds like your scared to get better...i feel the same way. you'll make it through this...i know you will!!!
take gentle care.........broken_little_girl

you can pm me anytime if you need someone to talk to

[Spellcaster]

Vows of Sadness and Little_Broken_Girl,
I just wanted the both of you to know that i know how both of you feel.
I am scared to recover, scared to lose a part of me that i've always turned to when the going got rough.
But i know we can do it.
Just stay strong!!
I'm always here if you need me...
Love always,
Brianna

*18 days SI free*

[aroobixcube]

your not mad for feelig that you dont want to get better, i had this feeling and spoke to my T about it.

the problem is that when you have been experiencing mental illness for such a long time it becomes you life, and to get better is almost re-building your life, and your in control of it which is a very scary, overwhelming thought. moving from something you hate, but know so well to something better, that you dont know.

its about making little changes when you feel better. but it does feel as if your loosing yourself as you recover, but you will remember the real you as you recover and explore.

take care
amy.

[Bathelina]

I think a lot of people get scared like this and worried. And it's totally understandable; the thought of letting go of this huge part of your life (depression and/or self-injury, or any other disorders that you suffer from) can sound daunting and very scary.

But you have to be strong, you have to beleive in yourself - whenever you feel that you are slipping back, remember that you don't want this. You don't want to be dragged down by these feelings and anxietes in your life. And you can do this, you can let go of this - you can.

I know that if you don't have much confidence, it can be hard to beleive in yourself, but it's possibe; it really is. You have to find the motivation and the strength inside yourself.

Just because you are scared does not make you messed up.

Sometimes people can't give up self injury (as in, can't because they feel that they don't want to, even though they would like to) is because they feel it is their only option and without it they will be worse of.... Well, along the lines of that, it is not the same with everyone. But having other ways of coping ready for when you need them is vital if you're going to give up, and move on.

I'm sorry if this was a bit too long, but I hope I helped and I hope you're alright.

Lots of love and hugs x

Hannah x