Hey you guys! I'm sorta new here, but yeah! Ok, so, like 2 weeks ago, my mom saw some marks in my arm, and she asked to see my arm, right? So I freak out and tell her no, and I run to the bathroom, and try to cover my recent cut. So I come out of the bathroom, and cover myself up with a blanket, and she asks again to see my arm. I refuse, but she grabs me, and says, "I think you have a problem." So I scream at her that I don't and she's all like, "Your in denial." That really pissed me off, so I go into my room and start screaming and junk. (just a side note, I've been SIing since I was 10, and no one has ever found out.) Somy parents know, and anytime I say anything that sounds even a little like I'm sad they start acting all weird and they won't get away from me. My mom tried to talk to me the day she found out, and I told her to leave me alone, and she says, "I think that's the problem, your always alone." I don't know what to do, it really scares me that they know, and I don't know what they are going to do about it, if anything. I've been debating over telling my friends or not, because if I tell them, I'll at least have some one on my side, but then they'll know, and they probably won't ever accept me again. I'm scared and confused, I just want this to end. I've never been suicidal before, but it seems like the easiest way out. ]
Thanks,
Tina
Freaking out *SI SU*
-
sug160489
- quintessential regular
- Posts: 2015
- Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2004 11:39 am
- Location: Queensland, Australia
It is pretty hard when parents find out stuff, Especially if they have never experienced it because they don't know how to react and they are pretty much just scared because they love you. i think it would be a good idea that you tell you're friends and you will b surprised how understanding you are and the chances are that one of them does it to or alredy knows that you do and are just waiting for you to tell them yourself.
no matter how hard it seems if there is one small portion of your body that wants to live then SU is not the only way out. Just focus on your friends and how much they care about you and what you are looking forward to in the future.
If you want some1 to talk to PM me
no matter how hard it seems if there is one small portion of your body that wants to live then SU is not the only way out. Just focus on your friends and how much they care about you and what you are looking forward to in the future.
If you want some1 to talk to PM me
-
Scarred and Alone
- one of us
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2004 11:57 pm
-
rienpartout
- meeting the neighbors
- Posts: 357
- Joined: Tue Nov 30, 2004 2:37 pm
- Location: california
-
friarygirl
- forum moderator emeritus
- Posts: 12563
- Joined: Thu May 13, 2004 2:10 pm
- Location: Gibraltar UK Age: 55
Hi Scarred, I'm a mum and so I'm usually on f/f board, but tonight I just happened to look here ( I NEVER go on the main boards usually) but I saw your post and it really reminded me of stuff my d and I have been through. Which probably sounds odd, because at first we were going through it in our own separate places, to some extent we always will, but things can move on from the original "my parents know - panic" place. I think sug160489 has a huge insight into parents here.sug160489 wrote:It is pretty hard when parents find out stuff, Especially if they have never experienced it because they don't know how to react and they are pretty much just scared because they love you.
When I first found out my d SI'd, I was TERRIFIED. It was the scariest thing I'd ever had to face in my life - this precious person I love so totally and unconditionally had so much pain in her life - and what's more, pain she couldn't tell me about and had to try to deal with all alone.Scarred and Alone wrote: Somy parents know, and anytime I say anything that sounds even a little like I'm sad they start acting all weird and they won't get away from me. My mom tried to talk to me the day she found out, and I told her to leave me alone, and she says, "I think that's the problem, your always alone."
So I reacted pretty badly, I was in panic mode, just so frightened not only about the SI, but also that she might be really SU and leave us all without this amazing person..... If your mum's too much 'on top of' you, it's most likely because she really, really loves you and is as scared as I was..... 
What saved our relationship I think, and in any case was the thing that helped me understand and not to panic so much any more
- was that she recommended me to come to bus f/f. I've learned so much there, not least how to be a useful person (usually) in her life instead of a pain in the a*** who gives her even more grief to deal with. I agree with sug, and unless you have a really terrible relationship with your parents, the fact they don't react how you would like is down to their love for you, their terror that you may leave them, and the fact that they, like everyone else, needs EDUCATING about something before they can begin to understand.So please, please, give your Mum a bit of time to come to terms with your SI - she can learn, if I can anyone can
- and try to believe her OTT reactions are more likely to come from love of you and fear for you than anything else. If she's this upset by your SI, SU would be millions of times harder for her. Sounds like she's at least willing to try to help you (OK, too much?? in the wrong way??) - so, print her out some info from the Secret Shame website, and if she's OK with it, ask her to look at the f/f board - it's helped me and my daughter come back from the edge of disaster to a pretty good relationship - we don't freak each other out any more, at least! 
Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all... Douglas Adams
Member of OATS -- Oldies Against Text Speak
THE TIME TO TELL SOMEONE YOU CARE IS NOW -
Scarred and Alone
- one of us
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2004 11:57 pm
friarygirl, I think that's exactly what I needed to hear. I just don't know how to talk to her though, I mean, she doesn't even act a little bit normal towards me. This is so hard. I was doing just fine, trying to top even, but then she found out, and my life is falling apart -- again. Well, thanks for the advice.
Tina
Tina
-
sug160489
- quintessential regular
- Posts: 2015
- Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2004 11:39 am
- Location: Queensland, Australia
Hey
When it comes to telling your friends it seems terrifying, trust me i know, but imo the best way to go about it is to pick the firend that you feel closet to and tell them that you really need to tell them something serious and then either show them the marks if possible or just tell them.. Ask them to help you tell the rest of your friendsa. By doing it one at a time you may have to say it again and again but it is less scary then just telling a whole group of people.
PM me if u need sum1 to talk to
From Sarah
When it comes to telling your friends it seems terrifying, trust me i know, but imo the best way to go about it is to pick the firend that you feel closet to and tell them that you really need to tell them something serious and then either show them the marks if possible or just tell them.. Ask them to help you tell the rest of your friendsa. By doing it one at a time you may have to say it again and again but it is less scary then just telling a whole group of people.
PM me if u need sum1 to talk to
From Sarah
-
Scarred and Alone
- one of us
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2004 11:57 pm
When is the appropriate time and place though? There's only one person that I'd want to tell right now, but she's going through a bunch of other junk probably doesn't need this right now, but I really want to tell her. I know my friend's have been suspicious (argh I can't spell) about something going on, but none of them have confronted me, so does that mean they don't really want to know? I hate lying to them, but I don't know what to tell them, this is so hard. Should I tell my friend, even though she has way too much to deal with right now, or should I wait?
Tina
Tina
-
mallie
- board admin emeritus
- Posts: 10443
- Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2003 12:38 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: Sydney, Australia
Tina,
There are always things going on in other people's lives. If you wait for a time when everything seems clear, you'll never say what you need to.
I think its more likely that your friends don't know how to approach you about it, rather than them not caring or not wanting to know. Its a bit of a strange topic, and sort of hard to ask about without risking upsetting someone.
My best suggestion, is to tell your friend that you want to talk to her about something difficult, and is she able to handle that right now. That way you have the opportunity to talk to her, and her reassurance that she can deal with it. If she says she can't do it right now, maybe think about the next person you'd like to tell, or wait until the first friend can handle it.
Friarygirl's advice above is really good. Get some info to show your mum, and try and explain things to her so that she understands enough that she doesn't need to freak out. Its a pretty big thing for her to come to terms with, and with her knowing more it should help settle her down and have things easier between you.
Its great that you're here seeking support.
Love mallie.
There are always things going on in other people's lives. If you wait for a time when everything seems clear, you'll never say what you need to.
I think its more likely that your friends don't know how to approach you about it, rather than them not caring or not wanting to know. Its a bit of a strange topic, and sort of hard to ask about without risking upsetting someone.
My best suggestion, is to tell your friend that you want to talk to her about something difficult, and is she able to handle that right now. That way you have the opportunity to talk to her, and her reassurance that she can deal with it. If she says she can't do it right now, maybe think about the next person you'd like to tell, or wait until the first friend can handle it.
Friarygirl's advice above is really good. Get some info to show your mum, and try and explain things to her so that she understands enough that she doesn't need to freak out. Its a pretty big thing for her to come to terms with, and with her knowing more it should help settle her down and have things easier between you.
Its great that you're here seeking support.
Love mallie.
Heya, welcome to bus 
Telling your friends would be a good thing; it's really important to have a big support group and people you can turn to when you're down. You don't have to tell them straight away, and you don't have to tell them everything, but if you just let them know that there will be times when you will need them and you need their support.
And about your parents... It can be annoying when they ask you "Are you OK?" and "What's wrong?" All the time, mine used to do that; but they're really only doing it because they care. You don't always have to talk to them, but maybe every once in a while have a chat with them/one of them about the things that bother you; only if you want to, though.
It's hard to talk to parents, and friends, sometimes, so keep strong and be confident. If you're going to talk to your friends about it, pick a day when you have a lot of time and maybe say that it's important and you need them there. And make sure that you are comfortable if and when you tell them; you don't need to say or do anything you don't to, and you don't need to show them anything. As long as you are comfortable, because when you are comfortable you are more confident.
I'm sure your friends will help you, and your parents, so good luck with everything
Lots of love and hugs,
Hannah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 
Telling your friends would be a good thing; it's really important to have a big support group and people you can turn to when you're down. You don't have to tell them straight away, and you don't have to tell them everything, but if you just let them know that there will be times when you will need them and you need their support.
And about your parents... It can be annoying when they ask you "Are you OK?" and "What's wrong?" All the time, mine used to do that; but they're really only doing it because they care. You don't always have to talk to them, but maybe every once in a while have a chat with them/one of them about the things that bother you; only if you want to, though.
It's hard to talk to parents, and friends, sometimes, so keep strong and be confident. If you're going to talk to your friends about it, pick a day when you have a lot of time and maybe say that it's important and you need them there. And make sure that you are comfortable if and when you tell them; you don't need to say or do anything you don't to, and you don't need to show them anything. As long as you are comfortable, because when you are comfortable you are more confident.
I'm sure your friends will help you, and your parents, so good luck with everything
Lots of love and hugs,
Hannah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
-
Scarred and Alone
- one of us
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2004 11:57 pm
The hardest part about my parents knowing is that they don't know how much I actually do it. They think I do it with my nail on my arm and that i've only done it once. It's a lot worse then that, but I don't want them to know that. Should I tell them/show them all of it? I think I'll probably end up tellling my friends after Christmas, or New Years, but I'll tell them soon. I'm so scared though.
Thanks for all the help and replies!!
Tina
Thanks for all the help and replies!!
Tina
-
friarygirl
- forum moderator emeritus
- Posts: 12563
- Joined: Thu May 13, 2004 2:10 pm
- Location: Gibraltar UK Age: 55
Hey Tina
I can only say how I feel about things, obviously; I don't know your parents. But for me, twice or two hundred times, there's really no difference - it's all about the same thing, in the end. Though I suppose severity or frequency of SI is probably a factor in people's reactions, basically however the simple fact that someone they love feels so bad they have to hurt themselves is the main thing they need to deal with.
My best advice, for what it's worth, is don't deal with anything until you feel ready to. But when you do, try to remember that some of the reactions you may count as 'bad ones' may be much more to do with where the people you have just told are, than how they actually feel about you.
For an outsider, SI is a very, very frightening thing - it's so basic and visceral a reaction that many people find it almost impossible to cope with - most of 'socialisation' is about learning how to react in an 'acceptable' way, and for the majority the idea of self-harm is unacceptable - not because it's wrong, but I think because it conjours up all sorts of violent and raw images most people in our protected society would rather not confront. That's the instinctive reaction anyway, for a majority I would assume. But if you can 'inform' people a little first, then maybe they'll react with their heads not their guts... oh to turn the clocks back in my own life - wish I'd had some info before being presented with the fact....
I can only say how I feel about things, obviously; I don't know your parents. But for me, twice or two hundred times, there's really no difference - it's all about the same thing, in the end. Though I suppose severity or frequency of SI is probably a factor in people's reactions, basically however the simple fact that someone they love feels so bad they have to hurt themselves is the main thing they need to deal with.
My best advice, for what it's worth, is don't deal with anything until you feel ready to. But when you do, try to remember that some of the reactions you may count as 'bad ones' may be much more to do with where the people you have just told are, than how they actually feel about you.
For an outsider, SI is a very, very frightening thing - it's so basic and visceral a reaction that many people find it almost impossible to cope with - most of 'socialisation' is about learning how to react in an 'acceptable' way, and for the majority the idea of self-harm is unacceptable - not because it's wrong, but I think because it conjours up all sorts of violent and raw images most people in our protected society would rather not confront. That's the instinctive reaction anyway, for a majority I would assume. But if you can 'inform' people a little first, then maybe they'll react with their heads not their guts... oh to turn the clocks back in my own life - wish I'd had some info before being presented with the fact....
Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all... Douglas Adams
Member of OATS -- Oldies Against Text Speak
THE TIME TO TELL SOMEONE YOU CARE IS NOW -
Scarred and Alone
- one of us
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2004 11:57 pm
I'm such a failure! I tried to stop, really I did, but all that "not si'ing" made it so much worse when i gave in, there isn't an inch of my arms that isn't cut, and now I'm scarder then ever to have my parents see, or my friends. Anyone who knows (my mom...) hasn't done a single thing since the day they found out! agh, what did I do to deserve this?! I don't even know who I am anymore, this stupid act I put on everyday makes me want to believe SO BADLY that I'm happy, but I'm not. I'm so jealous of all those truly happy people, why can't I be one of them? I used to know how it felt to cry, but it's only a memory now. This is so unfair! And on top of that, everything trigs me! At school, we went to this art thing, and there was this painting, and I was trigged so bad, that I was cutting IN MY CLASSROOM! No one noticed, no one ever notices me, it seems. I thought that people actually did like me, that I actually had friends, but I've found out the hard way that I've never had a true friend before, gosh this life sucks. I want to die, sometimes, but I'm too scared to do something. I pray at times that maybe I'll be in a car accident or that I'll get kidnapped and killed, I don't know how I got like this, but I hate it, all of it.
-me
-me
Babe, They can't stop it for you.
I know you are hurting right now. But you need to ask them to do what you want them to do. Your family aren't mind readers. They are probably scared too but they dont kow how to help you.
what sort of help do you want?
How can you go about getting that help?
Is there anything in particular you would like your mum to do to help?
You say you want to be truely happy. I always have that goal. One of my councillors said to me once "happiness is not a goal to be achieved but a biproduct of the things you do". What things make you happy? I try to keep myself busy with things that i enjoy and you know what some of the time i am actually happy. it is also helpful to deal with issues you may have from the past (i.e. therapy) - although this is hard work and can often make things worse in the intermediate time it is worth it in the end.
dreams
I know you are hurting right now. But you need to ask them to do what you want them to do. Your family aren't mind readers. They are probably scared too but they dont kow how to help you.
what sort of help do you want?
How can you go about getting that help?
Is there anything in particular you would like your mum to do to help?
You say you want to be truely happy. I always have that goal. One of my councillors said to me once "happiness is not a goal to be achieved but a biproduct of the things you do". What things make you happy? I try to keep myself busy with things that i enjoy and you know what some of the time i am actually happy. it is also helpful to deal with issues you may have from the past (i.e. therapy) - although this is hard work and can often make things worse in the intermediate time it is worth it in the end.
dreams
<center>
I have been SI-free since 22nd November 2004
</center>
I have been SI-free since 22nd November 2004 </center>
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 27 guests