married and stressed

[stressfullymarried]

hello new to this board but have used similar ones in the past, i mean the past, two years ago. that's how long i went without SI. but now that's over, i broke it. i thought i would go the rest of mylife without doing it again, cause i got out ofmy "mother's" house, away from her and my step father. but i am married and i i do all the thinking, all the managing of this relationship, all the finances, he works, but i take care of the bills...i cook, i go to college, i have to do all his thinking for him. i have talked to him and talked to him. he has somememory prob that docs can't fix. and he's not lying about it, he really is kind of "slow" but not too slow, just slow. i was gone for a week, told him we have no money to spare unless and emergency..there wasa food in the house, he knew how to cook a few htings, but of course he had to go buyt junk food, junk food, when we have no moey to spare and i told him that, three times. but he spent it. and then, todsay he went snowmobiling, with the checkbook in his back pocket, guess what? no more checkbook! all our checks, MY SScard, birth cert. tons of other valuable info, all in that checkbook. he couldn't even THINk to tak eit out. this is the most horrible xmas ever. when i got back home today with him, i looked at the bank withdrawal slips, he took out more than he told me, only 5 dollars more sure, but stillmore. i went over the edge i started bawling because WE HAVE NO MONEY...and i asked him to come in and talk to me, it's our first year married, five months now, about. he didn't come in to talk to me, just IGNORED ME LIKE MY MOTHER AND STEP USED TO DO, ignored me.....i ended up going WAY over the edge and deciiding to SI. i didn't wnat to but i felt i had to, i couldn't take it anymore, i have no friend to talk to, don't make friend too easily, and it finally bottled up, having to do everything, be in control of everything. i like to be in control sure, but i like a man who knows what to do as well.
i wish i could get some help, but i have no money...and i don't wnat to divorce him. the first year is the hardest, right? he is sweet, treats me good usually, but he even saw me, at the tub...he knew i was doing it,though he has never seen me do it before, but he saw the razor, the peroxide, the paper towel, bandaids, and he left me in the bathroom. he normally cares about me but he didn't tonight....some times i feel nothing towards him, sometimes i feel like i could live without him and be fine, other time i just feel nothing....i don't know.
from stressfullymarried

[pinkllama]

(((stressfullymarried)))
**sits with you** it must be very hard having to manage everything ontop of your schooling. Its especially stressful during the holiday season and when checkbooks/credit cards/financial or personal identity papers are lost, it can certainly set one over the top...its easy to over-react. I can just image that you're husband would be blaming himself for having lost that stuff, he probably is blaming himself for having caused you such turmoil. I doubt that he knew how to react to having seen you SI....given that not how you wanted him to react....maybe ask yourself *how* you wanted him to react...*did* you want him to react??????

Just remember, one slip up is not a life sentence.

I hope things go better for you,
peace.