Giving up my tools.... *possible trigger*

Wynndi · Post by **Wynndi** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 7:14 pm

Today I gave Ms. Rupp (my math teacher, who is like a second mom to me) my cutting tools. I told her I had to get rid of them. My presious tools, I am really scared. I gave up the two things that were my broken saftey net. I just want to ask for some support. Last time I even lost my two tools I freaked out and I need some way to cope with this. Any Ideas......?

Wynndi

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 10:08 pm

what alternatives do you already know work for you? (drawing on yourself? distracting? excercise? ice cubes?)

do you have a friend you can call when you feel triggered?

what will you do if you feel trapped and want to cut?

just questions to think about. i'm glad you were able to take the first step in deciding to give up your tools, that's a huge accomplishment.

good luck with everything, and i'm here to talk if you ever want to pm me.
love, tara.

Wynndi · Post by **Wynndi** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 3:46 pm

I have my rubber bands. Yesterday I was feeling so upset I punched a wall...that did work to well. I messed up my wrist and nuckle. Well I have some people's numbers I can call when I feel triggered and I have people to talk to...I am just scared...I never, since I started cutting, have been without them. Its kinda like on LOTR, my tools take over me like the ring takes over its 'master'. Well my tools dont have that power, but still. I dont know what I am saying....I sound crazy!

Wynndi

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:28 pm

hehe no you do not sound crazy; i can understand what you said. i'm glad you have someone to call if you're triggered, and it might take a while before you find effective alternatives. good luck.

love, tara.

esaeler · Post by **esaeler** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:59 pm

I wish I had enough in me to get rid of mine. Kudos to you.

Sarita · Post by **Sarita** » Sat Dec 18, 2004 6:29 am

I did the same thing a few weeks ago, i gave my whole pile of knives to my mother...it didn't do very well as i found some other tools...i really hope this goes well for you. i liked the idea for drawing on yourself? that was a good idea! try that!

it's a good thing you're trying to stick it out, good for you! i hope you do well, good luck!

Sirloth · Post by **Sirloth** » Sun Dec 19, 2004 12:32 am

wow I am really proud of you... i need to do the same, but I can't find it in me to get rid of them yet, so congragulations!

as for what to do... well, try lots of distractions, or maybe put your reliance that you had for your tools onto something else, like a teddy?

hope that helps, congragulations again!

lots of love

Bathelina · Post by **Bathelina** » Sun Dec 19, 2004 12:58 am

I think it's good you gave up your tools, it's an important step on the road to recovery, and hopefully it will help you.

And it's really great that you have other alternatives instead of SI.

Good luck and well done for being so brave,
Lot sof love and hugs,
Hannah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wynndi · Post by **Wynndi** » Sun Dec 19, 2004 8:03 pm

I just cant give it up. I was cleaning my room and I found some of my old old tools. And last night was a hard night. I am just not capible of dealing with all this bad stuff that is going on. 3 teachers at my school who have been my support and have helped me through high school have left my school. One very important one I just found out about on Friday. I started crying to hard. And then that night I cleaned my room looking for something to give him, well I found my tools. Bad thing. Then last night I got so drunk because I was home alone and no one would answer their phones, So I gave up and did some drugs and drank. I am not as strong as I try to be sometime. I was just wondering if anyone has gone through some similar inncodents where people really close to you left you and you freaked out. Maybe I can find some way to get through this without causing myself more hard. I really hate Christmas!!!!!! Well sorry for my depressing ranting and raving......if you want to pm me with your stories or whatnot you can!

Wynndi

Bathelina · Post by **Bathelina** » Sun Dec 19, 2004 9:43 pm

I'm sorry you had a bad night, I hope you're OK now

Maybe, only if you feel ready to, you could throw out your old tools too? Only when you want to.

Christmas can be really stressful, I know, it's one of the worst times of the year for me sometimes, I know how you feel. I'm sorry I can't give you any proper advice or relate but here are some hugs:

I really hope you're OK!

Love and hugs,
Hannah xxxxxxxx

Wynndi · Post by **Wynndi** » Mon Dec 20, 2004 9:37 pm

Yeah shit is hitting the fan. I just got a letter from my now ex girlfriend. She said some really F***ed up stuff! I am going to a friends house tonight because today is the 5 year aniversary of when I started cutting!

I am scared!

Wynndi

Bathelina · Post by **Bathelina** » Tue Dec 21, 2004 1:14 am

Hope you're feeling OK soon

Hannah xxxxxxxxxx

Wynndi · Post by **Wynndi** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 6:08 pm

Thanks....I made it through the aniversary without cutting....Major feat for me. I was acctually happy when I was at my friends house. But when I got home everything shaddared that happiness. Screw family!

Wynndi

Wynndi · Post by **Wynndi** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 6:10 pm

Um....Thanks

bus

Giving up my tools.... possible trigger

Giving up my tools.... possible trigger

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