sexual abuse...?

[whitemouse]

I'm sorry, I'm very nervous, I haven't talked to anyone about this because I am so scared of what people would say.

I am very frightened of the idea of sex, and the sight of a penis elicits a very frightened and tearful responce. I hate them, I think they are ugly and awful. I can't imagine why a woman would want to be impaled by someone. I have been scared of anything being between my legs since I was very young, but I don't know why.

When I was fourteen, I had a boyfriend who was three years old than I was. He would guilt me into giving him a blow job by telling me that this was what people who were in love did, and that he needed me to do it. If I didn't he would get upset and leave. I told him I didn't want him to put his fingers anywhere, but one day he did it anyways and it slipped into me. I started crying and he stopped. When I went to prom with him, he drove somewhere afterwards and parked the car. He tried to take off my dress, but again I started crying so he stopped and took me home.

A year after I had broken up with him, I was accosted by a football in a trailer afterschool one day. I told the school, but nothing happened to him.

I don't think I have been sexually abused, but I don't know what to call this. I am starting to hate and distrust all men, and I get scared if they try to touch me. I hate this, I feel stupid because of it. How do I deal with this? I don't even know what to call it...I just want someone to listen...

[krb87]

I sent you a pm

*hugs*

Feel better

[Zebraseal]

Whoa, this sounds so much like my story... Except I was 15, my so-called boyfriend was 19, and we actually had intercourse. Which I regretted a lot.

If he did something you didn't want, and he had to push you to do it, then it's sexual abuse. Young gals like I was (I'm now 22) might be insecure and sometimes very easily pushed into doing something they don't want because they're told everyone's supposed to do it or something along those lines. That's why he should have been extra careful, and he wasn't. You were underage, so you can go to the police even now. How old are you now?

Take your time. Not all men are like that, but some, unfortunately, are. You don't have to touch a man, or a penis, any sooner than you want to, and not ever if you don't feel like it. (But if you're heterosexual, then given enough time, I suppose you will.) No one has the right to tell you what to do, and after an experience like this, it's only normal you feel discusted and frightened by the idea of sex. No sooner than you're ready.

I wish someone had given me some advice when I was scared and alone and didn't want to have sex but was still thinking about it all of the time, but I didn't even really ask anyone to help me. I don't have any advice now, but *hugs* if thay're ok by you. And as this seems to be your first post, have a couple of the traditional welcome cows. (Not to make this post any less serious, though. Just, welcome. And hey, PM me if you want to talk about this more personally.)

[whitemouse]

Thank you for the welcome cows =)

I am almost eighteen now. I've been broken up with him for little over a year now (he cheated on me later on, so I took the oportunity to dump him.) *hugs* Thank you for your reply, everything you said soothed me in some way I think.
Thank you for the PMs I got too...I was so surprised at how nice everyone is.

[aroobixcube]

it is sexual abuse as he did things you didnt want him to do!
It is normal to scared or the sight of a penis and to feel discusted by men.
Iv had 2major sexual assualts and im so scared of men and i then hold down a relationship of nearly 2years and am scared of my bF touching me and doing things because of whats happened to me, but we do get close sexually and i dont know how i let it, but it casued the appearense of an anxiety disorder and deepression which i am fighting thru with him.

by telling you this i hope you can see that your not alone, if i even think of a man having any sexual organs i get very upset, as will you no doubt when your near men.

It is important that you recognise that you have been sexualy assualted and you will need someone to talk to, such as a therapist or counselor so that you can understand you thoughts and feelings. or write them down in a book as you need to know how you feel so that you can then start to stand up against your fears etc.

Hope this helps.

You are not alone.

[Space_Man]

It is normal to scared of the sight of a penis and to feel disgusted by men.

[...*very cautiously enters this thread*...]
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I have been scared of anything being between my legs since I was very young, but I don't know why.

See, this almost makes it sound like you’ve had some worries about sexual issues long before you encountered the boyfriend when you were 14.

I don't think I have been sexually abused, but I don't know what to call this. I am starting to hate and distrust all men, and I get scared if they try to touch me. I hate this, I feel stupid because of it...

Hmm...tough situation. To begin with, please don’t feel “stupid”–those feelings of “hate” and “distrust” are obviously trying to say something to you; don’t shun them...explore them. I know there are some childhood sexual abuse survivors whose memories of their abuse have been repressed–do you think that is at all a possibility with you? Just out of curiosity: How were your relationships with the most commonly-found men in a child’s life–father, brothers, uncles, grandfathers...?