SCARS

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:15 pm

my dad asked me the other day about the scars, he wondered if i thought they were digusting. i of course said no, because i love them!!! my dad just sortof looked at me like i was a freak or something. i don't know poeple just don't understand, i've had to figure that out the past couple of years. people are never going to understand unless they've had to si. everyday is such a struggle just to stay alive. people are toatlly ablivious to the pain and torture that you are having to endure inside. you wish and pray that someday all the pain and shit inside would just go away, put a part of me inside knows that it probably wont. you look outside and the sky is empty, people are moving so fast, everythings a blur, you feel like water is filling up in your lungs and your dying slowly but surely. thats what it seem to be like for me everyday. i've seen death. i've seen death come and destroy my mother. and now it's trying to destroy me. what does it matter if i die, who gives a shit!? i don't know whatever....

skindeep · Post by **skindeep** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 10:45 pm

Hey girlie -
Maybe the pain will never go away, but maybe it will get less, maybe it won't but maybe there will be wonderful things that will take it's place and make the pain more bearable and hopefully almost non-existent. To be sure... people would care if you died, people care and you are not a freak. Just hurting, and that's ok....
take care!

and 6 days!

Poppies · Post by **Poppies** » Thu Nov 18, 2004 11:55 pm

what does it matter if i die, who gives a shit!?

I do! I can only say that I hope things improve for you, and send you a hug if that's okay!
:1hug3:

kwisten · Post by **kwisten** » Fri Nov 19, 2004 2:38 am

i know about the scars thing, the sun hit my arm the other day and you couldnt see the scars and i freaked out, it just looks right to me with them there. Your not a freak, hang in there. Sending you some hope and strength so you dont have to find it for yourself!

limestone · Post by **limestone** » Fri Nov 19, 2004 7:58 pm

BROKEN_LITTLE_GIRL wrote:my dad asked me the other day about the scars, he wondered if i thought they were digusting. i of course said no, because i love them!!!

why do you like them?

BROKEN_LITTLE_GIRL wrote:people are toatlly ablivious to the pain and torture that you are having to endure inside.

they can be but not all the time. it's ok to tell someone how you're really feeling. you don't have to feel awful alone. Have you ever just sat down and told your dad how bad you feel?

BROKEN_LITTLE_GIRL wrote:you wish and pray that someday all the pain and shit inside would just go away, put a part of me inside knows that it probably wont.

how do you know it won't?

what things do you do that lift mood?

Angl06 · Post by **Angl06** » Sat Nov 20, 2004 10:32 pm

I am so sorry you lost your mother. But I wouldn't say that death is comming for you... this is something that you can control. I understand how you feel about your scars. I used to feel the same way. It just sounds like you're living in the past and that you have a lot to let go. Maybe it's time to move on and let the pain go

Post by **treasure** » Wed Nov 24, 2004 1:12 am

mostly i hate having scars but i still prefer to have them in a weird way. my counsellor asked whether i thought of myself in 20 years and still having to cover my arms. i felt astonished, as if i will make it til then!!! (maybe i will, but i don't think like that) it feels so trivial sometimes that i si.

Lyndsie · Post by **Lyndsie** » Tue Dec 14, 2004 1:48 am

I think for some scars are a part of us and way to remember. Even to remember the pain. To others we want to forget. That pain.
For me I hold my scars as aprt of me. If they were to totally go away it would be like losing a peice of myself, forever. Even though I still have the memories.
*Hang in there!* ((((((Hugs)))))) if ok!

Always~ Lyndsie

_MessedUp_ · Post by **_MessedUp_** » Tue Dec 14, 2004 2:34 pm

I don't like my scars, but they are a part of me and even if i was offered treatment to get rid of them i would still keep them.

Wynndi · Post by **Wynndi** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 7:21 pm

My scars tell so many stories. Stories of sadness, romance, and pain. They are part of me, as yours are part of you. People who have never been through S.I. would never know what they are like for us. They would never know the love/hate relationship that comes with having them. They are a part of who you are.....they always will be. Dont let them hold you down, Use them for good to help other people who struggle. And I do care! **hugs** If you want a hug you can have as many as you like!!!

Wynndi

esaeler · Post by **esaeler** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:56 pm

I can completely relate with you there. I love my scars also. People may think that a person shouldn't, but for some reason, I find them just beautiful. I can remember when each one was created and why, and they tell a story. You are not a freak, and I would care if you died, because I can see that we relate in a way. Keep hanging in there, and if you ever want to talk, I'm always here.

GLaDOS · Post by **GLaDOS** » Mon Dec 20, 2004 12:46 am

I hate my scars. I wish I never SI-d. I hate it when people just stare at your arm and think that you're mad or something. I don't really care... but it annoys me.

kissthesky46 · Post by **kissthesky46** » Mon Dec 20, 2004 2:55 pm

well my parents found out last night so i've decided to try and quit, now, and they're helping me treat my cuts and scars on my arm so they might be gone by the time we're back in school. i mostly want to be scar-free for summer and all (in florida it's not very acceptable to cover up in july) but i have one long scar on my foot that i don't want to go away. it is something about the way they make me feel. touching my scars has the same effect as SIing, on a lesser scale, to me, because it's still proof the pain was real.

green chameleon · Post by **green chameleon** » Mon Dec 20, 2004 6:33 pm

I feel that once my scars have faded and there are no fresh cuts I won't have a problem showing them. if people want to stare that's their problem. They don't know what those scars mean to me. They mean life saving pain relief, they mean my struggle was real, they show the inside me on the outside.
THEY ARE MINE

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