Losing self-motivation

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

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marylou
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Losing self-motivation

Post by marylou » Tue Nov 02, 2004 2:16 pm

I've been SH for about five years, and I've never really been entirely comfortable with doing it. Recently though my SH got a lot worse and I made the decision to tell some friends about it and seek help in stopping. My motivation was reasonably high (high enough for me to make an effort) but this week it has just disappeared. Some reasons might be:
:star: I met an old friend this weekend who's been struggling with SH for years and hasn't made any progress in quitting over ten years. Infact she's gotten worse.
:star: I come online and read about people 40 days, 6 months, 2 years free from SH. It seems totally unattainable. A week for me is a LONG time.
:star: I'm tired of trying. It was "controlable" before, but it's just spiralling way beyond what imagined it would do to my life since I tried to quit. Before if I just SH once a day, then I could get on with the rest of the day. Now I feel I need to ALL the time!!

I KNOW I still want to quit, but the motivation just isn't there this week. I've been trying for almost two months now. I usually try hard but this week I'm making no effort to use any of the coping techniques, I'm actually preparing myself for it more methodically than I did before.
I woke up this morning with a tool in my bed and scratches on my arms and back. I'm kinda scared of myself and my mindset at the moment.

How do I get through this time?
"You loosen my chains and just ask me to trust you. But it's so much easier this way, even though I know that I am bound."
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morganbellamy
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Post by morganbellamy » Tue Nov 02, 2004 4:50 pm

dont give up giving up, is the best thing i can think of. you read about the two year people and i know you think it seems impossible, because i think that myself, a week also seems like such a long time to me but the thing is its a start. try to take one day at a time. and think about this: even the two year people had to start somewhere. if they can do it so can you. but for now, concentrate on taking things as they come.

i know there is a very good suggestion somewhere here about making a box thing for yourself. you put in it things that will make you happy, like maybe a cd of relaxing music, or.. a favorite poem, things that will cheer you up. its also a good idea to make a list of reasons why you want to stop, and keep it in the box, or with your tools.

im gonna say it again, dont give up giving up!! i have faith in you, wanting to give up is one of the most important ways to achieving it. good luck , and take care xxxx
It's as simple as that, you are so beautiful in every dimension
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marylou
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Post by marylou » Wed Nov 03, 2004 12:08 am

Thanks for the advice, and just for taking time and reading my post.
I think I should make one of those boxes! I used to think I wasn't as bad as everyone else and I didn't need all that but I think I do. I was totally scared of the stereotype of being a "crazy SHarmer", but I'm breaking that more everyday.
Today has been a good day actually, I've decided (at least for today) to not give up giving up!
"You loosen my chains and just ask me to trust you. But it's so much easier this way, even though I know that I am bound."
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plantt
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Post by plantt » Wed Nov 03, 2004 12:24 am

first off... i can relate. sometimes it's much much easier to remember *why* i want to get through... & of course it's easier to actually get through then also... :roll:

few suggestions:
--remember that your friend is herself... & you are yourself. there are reasons she's in the same place she's been for so long... there are reasons you're moving along...
it's easy sometimes to do the whole 'well if all these ppl si & can't/won't stop... then maybe i can't/won't either'

--if something's bothersome to you on the board... or feels invalidating... put words on it & post :)
it's perfectly alright to post & say 'it feels impossible for me to get past a week w/o si.. & it hurts/feels invalidating/scares me that some ppl have gone so much longer... i need reminders that it takes time... that i can do this'

--remember that at times... very often... you *will* feel tired of trying. it *will* be incredibly hard. it *will* seem to go on forever. those times *will* also pass. it is possible to get through & i believe that you will.

--write down the reasons that you want to stop. write down the people who also want you to stop. write down things that help you get through urges.
when you lose motivation dig out your paper & read it.

--act just like you do when you have the motivation. get outside. run. write. read. buy flowers. etcetc.
the actions don't have to stop simply because you feel differently.

hang in there :)
:grnstar:
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