any ideas of how i can help?

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

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fingers
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any ideas of how i can help?

Post by fingers » Thu Oct 28, 2004 2:38 pm

I'm a mentor currently working with a young man who self harms (he cuts his forearms leaving scars). I haven't worked with him for very long (2 hours a week for 3 weeks) but from the beginning he has been very open about his behaviour. I take this as a sign that he wants to talk about it. My problem is that I don't know what to do or say. I encourage him to talk about the why's and when's but I'm conscious that I'm not a therapist and don't want to cause him any unnecessary distress. His carers and social worker are aware of his problems.

As the subject heading says, does anyone have any ideas about ways in which i could / should respond? I've looked at some of the information on the site about how to respond to a loved one in crisis, and I'm still at the point of trying to work out how I feel about his behaviour. I don't feel repulsed or have any negative feelings towards him or his behaviour, I suppose I'm scared that in some way my actions, or even inaction, may make things worse for him.

plantt
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Post by plantt » Thu Oct 28, 2004 5:30 pm

maybe let him know you're willing to discuss or listen if he wants... & let him take it from there....
kinda an 'i know you're open about your si & i'm aware that other people in your life are already helping you deal with that aspect of things... i just want you to know that i'm more than willing to listen or discuss it with you as well. & let me know if there's anything i can do to support you'
btw welcome to the board :wavey:
:grnstar:

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Post by Boogie Man » Thu Oct 28, 2004 6:33 pm

heya, welcome to bus. :)
well as person who self harms, i think the most helpful resoponce is a non-judgemental, compassionate one. i think the best thing you can for for him is listen to what he has to say, and offer advice where you can. its always nice to know that someone is there for you when you need them, so letting him know that hes always welcome to talk to you is a good thing.
umm feel free to ask if you have any more questions. :tongue:

peace
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limestone
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Post by limestone » Thu Oct 28, 2004 6:51 pm

hi
There's a family and friends forum for people who know somebody who self-harms, which might be useful to you as there are 'stickies' (posts at the top) which have advice on what to say/not to say etc.

If I was in your position I'd just not say anything and wait for them to bring it up. Just because he's open about it doesn't mean he necessarily wishes to talk about it. They might just be more accepting of it and don't see it as a problem that should be hidden. I don't think your actions or inaction will make things worse. si is a tiny, tiny, part of a person and their life so if you try to be relaxed about it i.e. not afraid to speak about it and just create the right atmosphere then I reckon it'll make it easier for you to form a relationship so that you can help him.

good luck :star:

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