I feel like a moron. Does anyone relate?

treesleeper · Post by **treesleeper** » Sun Oct 24, 2004 7:48 pm

Last night I completely exploded b/c my boyfriend said something about my dad. Nothing off-the-wall, we were just hanging out and he mentioned my dad. I broke down sobbing uncontrollably like a baby for no apparent reason. My bf freaked b/c he thought I was angry with him or something. He didn't understand why I was crying. Neither did I, I suppose.

My dad and I have always had a pretty good relationship. When he found out about my SI he said that I was stupid; I guess that has really been bothering me ever since he said it.

Why do I cry uncontrollably for no reason? I'm so tired of being humiliated by my tears and my red puffy face. I'm tired of taking meds and going to a therapist; that is humiliating too. I guess I just feel like a big moron. My dad thinks I'm a f*cked-up psychopath and that kills me b/c I work so hard to please my dad. I get straight A's in school and excell in everything I do.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone relates, has advice or anything. Help.

littlethings · Post by **littlethings** » Sun Oct 24, 2004 9:00 pm

I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't have much to say except I had a similar situation with my mother. She said she could never trust me to make good choices. We've healed some with time, I think that self-injury is just such a hard thing for parents to understand...but it sucks when they act like that.

take care,
JoAnna

Bathelina · Post by **Bathelina** » Sun Oct 24, 2004 10:17 pm

I relate. And I'm so so sorry you're feeling this way. Is there anything I can do?

**Hugs**

Don't worry about crying; it's a good way of letting out your emotions and it doesn't hurt, and it doesn't scar. Don't be scared of crying.

Lots of love and best wishes,
Hannah

limestone · Post by **limestone** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:09 pm

treesleeper wrote:When he found out about my SI he said that I was stupid; I guess that has really been bothering me ever since he said it.

Why has it been bothering you? Do you agree with what he said? I ask, as you say you get straight A's, so that would highlight how you're not stupid, yet, the comment has stuck with you.

treesleeper · Post by **treesleeper** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 7:00 pm

No, I guess I'm intelligent. Book-smart, anyway. But I guess I can be pretty naive when it comes to life outside of school. My dad is a lot smarter than me, too, and I'm always trying to measure up to his standards. Anyway, I guess it doesn't really matter to me whether I'm smart or not. It just sucks that my Dad *thinks* I'm stupid.

Thanks Hannah. I needed someone to tell me that... I think a big reason I started cutting was because I thought it was more dignified than crying.

limestone · Post by **limestone** » Tue Oct 26, 2004 6:27 pm

treesleeper wrote:It just sucks that my Dad *thinks* I'm stupid.

How can you change his view?

treesleeper · Post by **treesleeper** » Tue Oct 26, 2004 7:11 pm

Good question for me to ponder.

Um... I suppose working through my SI, not doing it anymore, would help redeem myself in his eyes. Good place to start, anyway?

Thanks for the help and support, limestone. I appreciate it... and any other thoughts you might have for me, send 'em my way.

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Tue Oct 26, 2004 10:24 pm

i think also... besides thinking of how you might go about changing his view.....
would be to remember that it's not always possible to change others views of us.
& to also think about how to deal with that situation if it happens again. to think about how to remember (& believe) that it's only *his* view... not necessarily truth. not necessarily what you believe.
it still hurts when others think & say things like that. esp when they're people we care about.

Space_Man · Post by **Space_Man** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 9:11 pm

What plantt just said.

"I work so hard to please my dad." I guess there is nothing wrong with that, but don't lose yourself in your quest to please others in your life...

moreoutoflife · Post by **moreoutoflife** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 1:20 pm

Hi,

Sounds like your situation with dad is exactly the same as mine with my mother (except that I was physically and emotionally abused by her as well).

It is very strange how we always want to please our parents and look up to them, as though everything they do is perfect and they know best?

Why is that I often wonder?

I think your father is either trying to express his feelings but doesn't know how to be supportive and help you through all this, OR he is just not as nice and intelligent as you might think he is (this was the case with my mother, but it took me about 20 years to realise this).

My advice would be to think about your relationship with your father and communicate to him your true feelings, even try crying, I know I do my fair share, sometimes for no reason at all, just like you.

If he opens up to you, then you're on the right track. If he continues to ignore your hurt and persists with his statements, well then, maybe you should find another person to idolize in your life.

It's very hard, I know, but if someone is not good to you or for you, you can always find someone else. Believe me, just because they're our parents doesn't mean we're supposed to take all the crap from them!

Good luck! Feel free to PM me anytime.

Take care,

Shayla

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I feel like a moron. Does anyone relate?

I feel like a moron. Does anyone relate?

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