*SI*Obsession?

[ninda]

I have dreams about it that are soooooooo real. And that feeds my craving. unfortunitly i have no self control. I am hoping to change that though

[XclippedXwingsX]

I can relate. But I really don't wanna go into details about it since if I write about it it may trigger me. But I do relate to it.

xXx Charm xXx

[aimee929]

I have been doing SI for almost 5 years... how often I do it really depends. Sometimes it's every night, sometimes it's once every few weeks. I have managed to be SI-free for almost 3 months now. My doctor is really proud of me.

The hard part, though, is that when I get depressed & immediately want to SI, it's like those 3 months (or however long it's been) mean nothing. They go away in an instant. SI is so addicting. It's like a drug. Like someone who posted earlier, it isn't the blood that does it for me. It's the pain... i need to feel something. I only have one bad scar & while I don't like people to see it (because I don't want to explain it), I am proud of it.

Anyway, I was put on Wellbutrin a couple of months ago b/c it is supposed to help with compulsive behaviors. My SI was getting a little out of control last winter & I was almost put inthe hospital b/c of it. But I managed to avoid that.

it's hard to explain how sometimes I will get so depressed, but not even think of SI. And other times, the littlest thing will happen,a nd I pull out my knife. I don't understand it. But I really do think it's an addiction, and I don't think I'm at the point where I'm ready to give it up yet-- but i want ot eventually. Of all the things I've done since being diagnosed with depression & an anxiety disorder almost 5 years ago, SI is the one I am most ashamed of, the one I most regret.

take care,
Aimee

[Jtcg]

It is odd isn't it? There are times when i am not even really upset or depressed...i just can't let go of the images...the urge...

and other times i am so depressed i can't function and It doesn't even occur to me...