Things Left Unsaid *LA*

theatregeek · Post by **theatregeek** » Sat Oct 09, 2004 10:22 pm

***si trigs***
i cut over you, i fucking cut myself over a guy, i always got mad when i heard about someone cutting over a guy, and now i am a hypocrite. why do you do this to me? why can you act like you love me ALL the time, not just when alyssa isnt around, when alyssa is there you are so different and it kills me, thats why i am here now, thats why i am home and not hanging out with you and everyone. i cant stand to be around you 2, its sickening, i have fucking loved you forever.

i HATE you for this..i FUCKING hate you for this, and its only because i am so in love with you that its sickening, im slipping back to where i was last october, and i know you dont want someone with problems like mine

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 12:03 am

lying all alone and restless, unable to lose this image.
sleepless, unable to focus on anything but your surrender.
tugging a rtythm to the vision that's in my head,
tugging a beat to the sight of you lying.
so delighted with a new understanding,
something about a little evil that makes this unmistakable noise
i was hearing, unimstakable sound i know so well...
spent and sighing with that look in your eye,
spent and sighing with a look on your face, like
sweet revelation... sweet surrender.
thinking of you.

so vulnerable. but it's okay.

kurdt_kobain · Post by **kurdt_kobain** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 2:07 am

I cut myself after I talked to you. I don't know why. I feel so bad. I hate myself. I wish you hated me. I wish you were here right now.

Everything just seems wrong.

But it's alright...

scarlit_sky · Post by **scarlit_sky** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 2:57 am

might trig *SU* *SI* *PA*

Mrs. C.
Thank you. I don't know how to say it to you, in a way that would fully explain how much you mean to me. If it weren't for you, and those short visits in you classroom, I wouldn't have made it out of high school alive. You knew that I had used to cut, and you did everything you could to keep me from resorting to that again. I feel bad, because you don't even know what was going on during the beginning of my senior year. You just knew that I hid in your classroom until first period was about to start. That's all that you needed to know. You saw bruises on my arms and neck, and asked about them. I couldn't answer and left you in the dark. But you stayed there by my side, and kept me safe in the mornings, without even knowing that that is what you were doing. I just want to say thank you, even if I can never say it to your face.

Emily

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 10:57 am

fuck off and stop thinking you're better than me.

kurdt_kobain · Post by **kurdt_kobain** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 4:04 am

[size=0]I love you[/size]

~invisible_me~ · Post by **~invisible_me~** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 11:02 am

You dont do anything but fucking lie to me. Why cant you just tell me the truth for once. I dont believe anything you say anymore. I dont know what is true and what is not. I dont know what to say to you anymore. You are going to lose other people not just me if you keep lying like this. JUST FUCKING TELL THE TRUTH PLEASE.

blink182 · Post by **blink182** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 11:07 am

I love u,u mean the world 2 me,im never gonna forget u.U will always b in my heart n my soul.

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Sun Oct 17, 2004 1:58 am

bill - i'm sorry i can't tell you this directly. i really do want to, but i have no idea how to say it. maybe later i can give this to you. you said you love me. i don't want to believe you. i mean i want to feel it, want to know you'll be there for me, if i need you. but i can't believe you, because i can't let myself trust you that much. i don't want to get so attached that once you're gone i'll realize i was living for you. i don't want to rely on anyone else to live. i can do this myself. and you're amazing, you really are. but there's so many things that are stopping me from trusting you. 1) i hate your friends. maybe not. but i don't like not knowing most of them. you never invite me to hang out with them. you only invite me over so we can fuck in your basement. 2) i hate those girls. the ones you've been with before. i try to block it out from my mind, and not think about it. but i wonder how many times you've said those same words to other girls, and how many times they've fallen for it. i don't want to believe you when i hear it. 3) i've heard it enough times to know it's not real. love i mean. and i love you's are empty and meaningless to me. i wish they weren't, but that's the way it is. i don't even believe it when my dad says it. 4) i hate myself for all of this. when it started, i only needed you physically. recently i've needed you mentally. i cry when you hang up the phone, because i think you don't want to bother with me. i cry when you talk about other people, because i'm not good enough for them. maybe i can tell you this. some of it. not right now, you're out with your friends.

bright.eyes · Post by **bright.eyes** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 4:21 pm

please please please stop criticising me, i really cannot take it... it makes me feel so flawed and imperfect, like i'm not good enough, not living up to your expectations... i can't change the things you don't like about me, i wish that i could and i spend so long dwelling on them everytime you mention them... but there is nothing i can do.

Lucifire · Post by **Lucifire** » Wed Oct 20, 2004 12:50 am

this is a well good idea btw!
ok...

darren-I really do love you,you mean the world to me.I just sometimes feel intimidated by you,its not because you scare me or anything.Its cos of what ive been through,i know you understand but i just feel bad.

Mum-I know you dont know whats going on with me and ive hardly been the best daughter but im really hurting inside.I was r*ped and i have always half blamed you for that.I cant help it and im trying so hard not to and get along with you,but its difficult!

warren-Your one of ma best mates dude,i just so wish i could take all your pain away and leave you happy.I hope you are always in my life,you are such an important part in it

lucif
xxxx

Dungeon_Lilly · Post by **Dungeon_Lilly** » Thu Oct 21, 2004 5:47 pm

Will you please respect my fucking wishes

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Sat Oct 23, 2004 2:41 am

bill - i'm not mad at you for going away this weekend. i'm mad at myself for wanting you to stay. because that's stupid and selfish. you're amazing, and i really do hope you have fun this weekend.
1. please don't ask me out. i don't want to hurt you. god, you think you know me. no one knows me, bill. there is something wrong with me. i love you for being here and caring for me so much. you shouldn't, but you do. and i'll never need you. that's what's wrong with me. i can't let myself get attached, bill. not even romantically, just as friends. i can't let it happen. because nothing lasts forever, and when you're gone, i don't want to realize i'm all alone and i was living for you.
2. i hate not knowing your friends. how do you think it makes me feel when i sit there and listen to you talk to people about all those girls i don't know? you live in your own little world, and i'll never be a part of that, no matter what i do. i love how you invited lauren to that party. you didn't even tell me you were going. what's so wrong about me that i can't go?
3. i still cry. when you hang up the phone, when i can't tell you what i'm thinking, no matter how badly i want to. and last night, when you didn't respond to my text. i felt bad for relying on you, and for thinking i could trust you to always be there.
4. i'll never give this to you. thee's so many things i've written to you, telling myself i could give them to you. but i can't. and i'm sorry.
5. i'm sorry for everything and anything i ever did wrong. i didn't mean it. please stop caring so much, so things can go back to normal. me vs. everyone else. that's the way it should be.

QuietPurr · Post by **QuietPurr** » Sat Oct 23, 2004 11:23 pm

Trigs for the bad language that follows.

To the folks at CBJCC: FUCK YOU for everything you did to me, for your fucking ostentatious purpose of making me better. The only thing that I got from you was FEAR. That's what you taught me.

E: I had one hell of a crush on you...even if I never did tell you that.

To the folks at PRJCC: THANK YOU for every single thing that you did, for being just the way you are, for absolutely everything. I couldn't do what I'm doing now if it hadn't been for you. I would not have made it to my 22nd birthday...I was falling too far and too fast (and now I'm just short of my 23rd...). The faith in myself that you gave me I've never had before or since. If I could, I'd come back and help make it as good for the other students as it was for me. I still might try. I owe you my life, and my sanity.

T: What was with you, anyway?

P's: LEAVE ME ALONE. And what do you mean, 8:30 in the freaking morning?!

S: Please remove your head from where it has been firmly wedged inside of your rectum before you consider speaking. To anyone.

U-L/S: LIARS! I'm doing everything you said I couldn't do.

A: You were the neatest, nicest person I ever met. Don't ever change, and don't settle for that girl you have your heart set on. You deserve so much better.

Mr. C: I loved you. In that father-daughter way. Thank you for what you did to make my life better.

*looks at what she's written* I need to start speaking my mind a little more, huh?

iamnothing · Post by **iamnothing** » Sun Oct 24, 2004 11:12 pm

K. and S. - i fucking love you, i would probably die for you just as id live for you, you are the ones that hurt me the most but it is all my fault anyway, its just because youre the only ones i really give a damn about.

M. - you once said that you apreciate a person if youre not fed up with them after a few months. we've known each other a lot longer. i want you to know that even if we dont see each other as much as some periods in our lives i still love you and respect you like noone else.

M, K, L - i want you to notice when im not around. or even when i am. without me having to act all stupid and tell stupid jokes. you're cool i think.
i've forgiven you, but not myself.

O. - so, was it just sex? yeah, it was nice but you're still a bastard. in case i dont see you again, have a nice life. maybe well bump into each other in the street and have uncomfortable small talk.

D. - you still have kind of special place in my life. but i'm afraid. it really is not you, it is definitey me. i cant stand the fact that i cant stand you. i wish i'd met you in a different life as a different person.

mom. -first, what do you THINK that is on my arms?and will you just stfu about the whole education topic, it is like the only thing you speak about.
sorry i cant be what you want from me. sorry i've been such a pain in the ass. sorry i sometimes spend your money on booze and drugs. i cant stand you...shit, i love you! sorry, it is not your fault i am like that.. no..i couldnt be any more of a failure than i already am. No, what the hell do you think, OFCOURSE it was the cat.
dad - feeling satsified for giving me everything? you dont have to work you ass off to give me money for shit i dont need. i know you want me to have it better than you did once but is it really the way? i dont want your sacrifice, i just want a bit of simple little love. and at the same time you laugh at me. you think *i* couldnt have any problems. sorry, i can never make you feel that i apreciate what you do enough.
and what the hell, do you have social phobia?

jaded melody · Post by **jaded melody** » Sun Oct 24, 2004 11:17 pm

Matt: Thank you for treating me like scum and making me feel like shit. Im so over you.

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Tue Oct 26, 2004 1:11 am

SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

yes i'm being a bitch. but i'm tired of i'm sorry's. and i'm tired of i love you's. i don't believe either of them anymore. stop it, god dammit. i don't know what else to do. i've told you hundreds of times that i don't trust people enough to open up to them. but i did trust you. and i ASKED FOR HELP. do you not understand how hard that was for me? you kept telling me you were there, and to trust you. i don't fucking trust you anymore. and i won't. you weren't there when i needed you. and a few days later, you did it again. FUCK IT ALL.

Wall · Post by **Wall** » Tue Oct 26, 2004 7:54 pm

WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE CARED ABOUT ME? WHY DIDN'T I MATTER TO YOU? What is it about me that I'm not important enough to matter? Why did you teach me that I have to earn love, that I have to work to matter? Don't give me the farce about your unconditional love. Please, just go away.

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 1:48 am

DAD. i fucking hate you, so much. i can't even talk. i'm choking.
MOM. fuck all of this.
BILL. i'm sorry.
ANYONE. i want to die. i really do.

blink182 · Post by **blink182** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 9:15 pm

Mum-i love you
Dad-you're a bastard don't ever fucking touch me again
S-you're so fucking special to me,i love you
J-i love you
S-I'm sorry 'bout last night,i didn't want it to happen,but it did.I love you.I'm sorry for everything.

bus

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