I cant belive you did this to me you fucking asshole i fucking trusted ytou and i cant even yhtink straight now i'm so upset. i hate you. i realyl do . i wish i was drunk, i wish i was high i wish i had someone to call right now but they're all your friends and they won't undersatdn. youre a pretty good liar.
i dunno. i want to od, i want to go ip...i wnat to stay away from the fucking school for as logn as ai can. i can't bevelie you. i dont...
Things Left Unsaid *LA*
-
kurdt_kobain
- forum moderator emeritus
- Posts: 7964
- Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 11:22 pm
- Gender: Vagina Positive
- Location: Southeast US / Age: 22
- Contact:
-
kurdt_kobain
- forum moderator emeritus
- Posts: 7964
- Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 11:22 pm
- Gender: Vagina Positive
- Location: Southeast US / Age: 22
- Contact:
Danni,
I can't belive you siad that to me. i was upset, and i guess maybne you still view me ans the typical dpersessed person, but even if you're in a bad mood, you don't need to tell me ot sod off. you had no idea what wsa goign on, and my friend was about to be in a hospital.
you're really fucking bitchy. Next time you're upset, I'll tell you to sod off too.
I can't belive you siad that to me. i was upset, and i guess maybne you still view me ans the typical dpersessed person, but even if you're in a bad mood, you don't need to tell me ot sod off. you had no idea what wsa goign on, and my friend was about to be in a hospital.
you're really fucking bitchy. Next time you're upset, I'll tell you to sod off too.
but it's a lot harder than it looks because even though
they had the same size feet as us, they weren't looking
down the whole time while they walked to make sure
they were doing it right.
[story people]
-
J_R
- meeting the neighbors
- Posts: 488
- Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2004 12:11 pm
- Location: (a boy from) Los Angeles, CA
Jason: I have been doing this longer than you. I am better at it than you. That is why I got moved up, and you back. So please stop trying to instruct me.
Ronnie: Fear of prison is the only reason I don't have your balls in a jar and your head on a stick. Shit like you makes me wish I believed in hell so I could rest easy knowing you'd end up there.
Mom and Dad: You had plenty of chances, you fucked them all up. I'm not giving you any more.
Ronnie: Fear of prison is the only reason I don't have your balls in a jar and your head on a stick. Shit like you makes me wish I believed in hell so I could rest easy knowing you'd end up there.
Mom and Dad: You had plenty of chances, you fucked them all up. I'm not giving you any more.
"And is there not perhaps something amiss?" says the World - William S. Burroughs
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Twinky
- beyond inspiring
- Posts: 8094
- Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2003 2:21 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: In a world of chocolate
S- Am I not allowed an opinion? Why can't I say my opinion without being trashed or accused? More than slightly hurt, very hurt that I KNOW its because of my beliefs people think they can have a go at me more than you would anyone else... Muslim, Jew anyone else!!
Why is that?? Its not fair when all I did was ask a question and correct a falsity -and it's not an OPINION falicy -it's a FACT!
Ouch!
Why is that?? Its not fair when all I did was ask a question and correct a falsity -and it's not an OPINION falicy -it's a FACT!
Ouch!
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..dead.am.i.
- unpacking boxes
- Posts: 25
- Joined: Sun Jun 13, 2004 9:26 pm
- Contact:
m: thought you said you'd be here for me when i needed you? you lied.
I have been SI-free for <img src="http://si.flagellatedprotozoan.com/coun ... &count=YWD">
why are you doing this to me?
i suppose it's partly (or mostly?) my fault. i told you i didn't want a boyfriend, i told you not to get attached to me, i told you we couldn't hang out anymore. but my actions belied my words, time and again. did you notice that whenever i said i wouldn't call you, there i was again, six hours later, dialing your number, asking to come over... and you let me. you answered the phone every time, you opened the door, you took me out when i couldn't stay home anymore. you called me at all hours of the night (and too early in the morning) and you came over, even uninvited. i ended my day talking to you and woke up to your phone calls. just thinking of you made me smile. did you know that? did you know that i was so much happier because you called, because we talked?
so what happened? why am i sitting here, afraid to call you, afraid that you won't want to talk to me, or that you'll just insult me and make me feel worthless again? i told you too much. i said too much. i'm sorry, i didn't mean to. i'm more fragile than i let on, you know. inside me there's still so much pain and so much brokenness. but i never let on. and you can't see that. maybe that's what hurts the most, the fact that you know these things about me, and you can't see how much i'm hurting, and you frankly don't care all that much. you'll just go on and endure me once in a while when i call, and you'll keep on chasing after your ex-girlfriend and doing what you do. i'm sorry i wasted your time. i just wish i didn't care so much.
perhaps it's better this way. i shouldn't burden you now. or ever, i suppose. it is mine to carry and mine to overcome. i just wish you'd be there with me.
i suppose it's partly (or mostly?) my fault. i told you i didn't want a boyfriend, i told you not to get attached to me, i told you we couldn't hang out anymore. but my actions belied my words, time and again. did you notice that whenever i said i wouldn't call you, there i was again, six hours later, dialing your number, asking to come over... and you let me. you answered the phone every time, you opened the door, you took me out when i couldn't stay home anymore. you called me at all hours of the night (and too early in the morning) and you came over, even uninvited. i ended my day talking to you and woke up to your phone calls. just thinking of you made me smile. did you know that? did you know that i was so much happier because you called, because we talked?
so what happened? why am i sitting here, afraid to call you, afraid that you won't want to talk to me, or that you'll just insult me and make me feel worthless again? i told you too much. i said too much. i'm sorry, i didn't mean to. i'm more fragile than i let on, you know. inside me there's still so much pain and so much brokenness. but i never let on. and you can't see that. maybe that's what hurts the most, the fact that you know these things about me, and you can't see how much i'm hurting, and you frankly don't care all that much. you'll just go on and endure me once in a while when i call, and you'll keep on chasing after your ex-girlfriend and doing what you do. i'm sorry i wasted your time. i just wish i didn't care so much.
perhaps it's better this way. i shouldn't burden you now. or ever, i suppose. it is mine to carry and mine to overcome. i just wish you'd be there with me.
"life is short but sweet for certain."
^dave matthews band
"I don't understand how you manage to love a mob of birds that has just tried to kill you."
"Oh, Fletch, you don't love that! You have to practice and see the real gull, the good in every one of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That's what I mean by love."
^richard bach, jonathan livingston seagull
^dave matthews band
"I don't understand how you manage to love a mob of birds that has just tried to kill you."
"Oh, Fletch, you don't love that! You have to practice and see the real gull, the good in every one of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That's what I mean by love."
^richard bach, jonathan livingston seagull
-
QuietPurr
- meeting the neighbors
- Posts: 317
- Joined: Tue Jul 06, 2004 11:43 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: Climbing out of the abyss
M - LEAVE ME ALONE. I'M FINE.
D - Come around and hang out more often. I know you're worried about me, and I know you need to get away from things for a while. Here's safe, and she won't mind if it's me you're with.
S - Stop with your crappy attitude. I hate it, and our folks hate it. You're being damned hurtful...like hugging a pincushion.
The folks at work: You've barely trained me to do anything, don't you realize that?! I am NOT ready to be making those phone calls. I don't even know the phone number I'm supposed to leave for a message, let alone who and what to ask for!
Twins - Shut up. Nobody cares, not even the two of you.
Former T: I was suicidal and si-ing while under your care, and I never told you because I couldn't trust that you wouldn't get me kicked out. I had nightmares for a week straight after leaving, and you told me it wasn't that bad. I hate you and everything you stand for.
In general: I'm trying really, really, really, hard. I just need a little space to do my thing; I am fully capable of doing everything necessary. I need friends right now; bot busybodies.
D - Come around and hang out more often. I know you're worried about me, and I know you need to get away from things for a while. Here's safe, and she won't mind if it's me you're with.
S - Stop with your crappy attitude. I hate it, and our folks hate it. You're being damned hurtful...like hugging a pincushion.
The folks at work: You've barely trained me to do anything, don't you realize that?! I am NOT ready to be making those phone calls. I don't even know the phone number I'm supposed to leave for a message, let alone who and what to ask for!
Twins - Shut up. Nobody cares, not even the two of you.
Former T: I was suicidal and si-ing while under your care, and I never told you because I couldn't trust that you wouldn't get me kicked out. I had nightmares for a week straight after leaving, and you told me it wasn't that bad. I hate you and everything you stand for.
In general: I'm trying really, really, really, hard. I just need a little space to do my thing; I am fully capable of doing everything necessary. I need friends right now; bot busybodies.
"To oppose something is to maintain it."
-Ursula K. Le Guin
-Ursula K. Le Guin
i miss you more than i can say.
i drove into the cemetery today and i thought to myself "i am visiting my mother. why am i driving into a cemetery?" you can't be in that coffin under so much earth. the grass is almost completely covering your grave. your grave? why are you in a grave? i know you're happier now, but God i miss you so much. and i need you here... i need to talk to you, to hear you again, to go into your room and find you sleeping, to wake you up and talk to you before i go to school like i used to... i wish i could hold your hand again and tell you that it's going to be ok... no i wish you would hold my hand and tell me thjat it's going to be ok. it's going to be ok? no it isn't, how couldi t be while you are not here?? how am i supposed to go on for another three decades or more without you? i don't ever want to leave you. but you havne't given me a choice. somehow, somehow time goes on, takes me with it, moves forward relentlessly - i need you, mom..
i'm so lost without you, i need you here.
God please give me strength...
i drove into the cemetery today and i thought to myself "i am visiting my mother. why am i driving into a cemetery?" you can't be in that coffin under so much earth. the grass is almost completely covering your grave. your grave? why are you in a grave? i know you're happier now, but God i miss you so much. and i need you here... i need to talk to you, to hear you again, to go into your room and find you sleeping, to wake you up and talk to you before i go to school like i used to... i wish i could hold your hand again and tell you that it's going to be ok... no i wish you would hold my hand and tell me thjat it's going to be ok. it's going to be ok? no it isn't, how couldi t be while you are not here?? how am i supposed to go on for another three decades or more without you? i don't ever want to leave you. but you havne't given me a choice. somehow, somehow time goes on, takes me with it, moves forward relentlessly - i need you, mom..
i'm so lost without you, i need you here.
God please give me strength...
"life is short but sweet for certain."
^dave matthews band
"I don't understand how you manage to love a mob of birds that has just tried to kill you."
"Oh, Fletch, you don't love that! You have to practice and see the real gull, the good in every one of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That's what I mean by love."
^richard bach, jonathan livingston seagull
^dave matthews band
"I don't understand how you manage to love a mob of birds that has just tried to kill you."
"Oh, Fletch, you don't love that! You have to practice and see the real gull, the good in every one of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That's what I mean by love."
^richard bach, jonathan livingston seagull
-
lazypirates
- sprouting branches
- Posts: 1000
- Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2004 5:34 am
- Location: Minnesota
- Contact:
-
J_R
- meeting the neighbors
- Posts: 488
- Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2004 12:11 pm
- Location: (a boy from) Los Angeles, CA
Jessica, you make me feel almost human. I love you for that.
Diana, I trust you. That's more than I can say for most of my friends, even some of those I've known a lot longer.
So I'm sorry if I seem a little short-tempered with the two of you sometimes. I know it sounds fucked up, but take it as a sign of affection. I don't have to put on the happy mask in front of you.
Diana, I trust you. That's more than I can say for most of my friends, even some of those I've known a lot longer.
So I'm sorry if I seem a little short-tempered with the two of you sometimes. I know it sounds fucked up, but take it as a sign of affection. I don't have to put on the happy mask in front of you.
"And is there not perhaps something amiss?" says the World - William S. Burroughs
you make me feel worthless.
you made me feel worth something, a month ago. i knew you were looking at me, don't deny it. i knew you were attracted to me. it was obvious, and whatever you say i won't believe you. you made me feel attractive again. like i wasn't just some moody chick that everyone could talk to and be friends with but no one would like. i knew your eyes sought me out, as mine did you. i only fucking paid attention to you because of the attention you paid me, as bad as that sounds. you gave me so much attention. you complimented me, made me feel good about myself, made me feel lovely again. and now you won't talk to me, you play poker on the phone, you tell me this crap about your ex-girlfriend. you ignore me, you never call me, you don't want to hang out with me. you pick up the phone but you don't listen. you don't care what i have to say. you don't wnat to be talking to me, you'd rather watch tv, or play starcraft (you're a dork), or talk to mimi. why? you make me feel worthless. you strung me along and i went along with it because you made me feel so good but now i'm back to where i was before, only worse because for some reason now you don't want to tlak to me, because i'm too ugly, or i'm too moody, or i'm a freak because i used to cut myself (and still want to, damn it), or because i'm not as "gorgeous" as your ex, or maybe just because you've gotten used to me.
i hate what you're doing to me, and the worst part is, you don't know that you're doing it to me, and you don't fucking care.
you made me feel worth something, a month ago. i knew you were looking at me, don't deny it. i knew you were attracted to me. it was obvious, and whatever you say i won't believe you. you made me feel attractive again. like i wasn't just some moody chick that everyone could talk to and be friends with but no one would like. i knew your eyes sought me out, as mine did you. i only fucking paid attention to you because of the attention you paid me, as bad as that sounds. you gave me so much attention. you complimented me, made me feel good about myself, made me feel lovely again. and now you won't talk to me, you play poker on the phone, you tell me this crap about your ex-girlfriend. you ignore me, you never call me, you don't want to hang out with me. you pick up the phone but you don't listen. you don't care what i have to say. you don't wnat to be talking to me, you'd rather watch tv, or play starcraft (you're a dork), or talk to mimi. why? you make me feel worthless. you strung me along and i went along with it because you made me feel so good but now i'm back to where i was before, only worse because for some reason now you don't want to tlak to me, because i'm too ugly, or i'm too moody, or i'm a freak because i used to cut myself (and still want to, damn it), or because i'm not as "gorgeous" as your ex, or maybe just because you've gotten used to me.
i hate what you're doing to me, and the worst part is, you don't know that you're doing it to me, and you don't fucking care.
"life is short but sweet for certain."
^dave matthews band
"I don't understand how you manage to love a mob of birds that has just tried to kill you."
"Oh, Fletch, you don't love that! You have to practice and see the real gull, the good in every one of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That's what I mean by love."
^richard bach, jonathan livingston seagull
^dave matthews band
"I don't understand how you manage to love a mob of birds that has just tried to kill you."
"Oh, Fletch, you don't love that! You have to practice and see the real gull, the good in every one of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That's what I mean by love."
^richard bach, jonathan livingston seagull
i'm crying. and it feels good, but at the same time i don't want to. i want someone here right now, to know it'll be okay tomorrow. and things will feel alright again. i don't care if it's a lie, i need to hear it. i hate being alone, i honestly can't take this. i don't know what's wrong other than i'm all alone sitting here, and i can't think clearly anymore.
down on her knees, she wept on the floor.
this hopeless life, she wanted no more.
dead in her mind, and cold to the bone.
she opened her eyes, and saw she was alone.
x
down on her knees, she wept on the floor.
this hopeless life, she wanted no more.
dead in her mind, and cold to the bone.
she opened her eyes, and saw she was alone.
x
i thought i was a fool for no one, but baby i'm a fool for you.
[safe since february 2005.]
[safe since february 2005.]
why do you matter so much to me? why can't i just let you go?
why don't you care about me...
dad. i love you. even in all the things you've done wrong, all the things you've done against me and against mom and against d, and against yourself and God. i just want you to see that there's so much more to life. there really is. there's so much beauty in God, in living for God, there's so much joy in knowing Him and loving Him. i wish i could show you. i wish i had the courage to tell you. i don't hold it against you that you don't know me, or that you don't know what's happened in my life or what i feel or think. i know you try really hard to do what you think is best. i know you're hurt somehow, broken somewhere, and haven't let God in completely. but i still love you. i'll always love you, i wish i could tell you that. God loves you more though, and He can do a lot more for you than i can . i just wish you'd let Him. i'm praying for you. i don't know how mom not being here is affecting you because you (like me) never show emotion in front of other people. i know you loved her, at some point at least. and she loved you too. Dad, find that love in God.
and again, my friend, why do you matter so much to me? you are not perfect in any way. you are not what i want in a boyfriend. you are not a good person for me to be with. you do not inspire me, you do not encourage me, you do not even make me happy anymore. why do i still care? .....
why don't you care about me...
dad. i love you. even in all the things you've done wrong, all the things you've done against me and against mom and against d, and against yourself and God. i just want you to see that there's so much more to life. there really is. there's so much beauty in God, in living for God, there's so much joy in knowing Him and loving Him. i wish i could show you. i wish i had the courage to tell you. i don't hold it against you that you don't know me, or that you don't know what's happened in my life or what i feel or think. i know you try really hard to do what you think is best. i know you're hurt somehow, broken somewhere, and haven't let God in completely. but i still love you. i'll always love you, i wish i could tell you that. God loves you more though, and He can do a lot more for you than i can . i just wish you'd let Him. i'm praying for you. i don't know how mom not being here is affecting you because you (like me) never show emotion in front of other people. i know you loved her, at some point at least. and she loved you too. Dad, find that love in God.
and again, my friend, why do you matter so much to me? you are not perfect in any way. you are not what i want in a boyfriend. you are not a good person for me to be with. you do not inspire me, you do not encourage me, you do not even make me happy anymore. why do i still care? .....
"life is short but sweet for certain."
^dave matthews band
"I don't understand how you manage to love a mob of birds that has just tried to kill you."
"Oh, Fletch, you don't love that! You have to practice and see the real gull, the good in every one of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That's what I mean by love."
^richard bach, jonathan livingston seagull
^dave matthews band
"I don't understand how you manage to love a mob of birds that has just tried to kill you."
"Oh, Fletch, you don't love that! You have to practice and see the real gull, the good in every one of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That's what I mean by love."
^richard bach, jonathan livingston seagull
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sassy koala
- awe-inspiring
- Posts: 6291
- Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2001 1:00 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: Wisconsin
Dear Jose
I'm am so pissed at you for killing yourself. You stupid fuck. How could you leave us, and your family and boys? They're only little kids still. They don't know how to handle it. And did you really think Cindy is going to be able to handle 3 boys under the age of 5 without you? And you were the only income in the house you silly fuck. Now what is she going to do? It costs alot to raise 3 kids you moron. You should know, you spoiled them to death!!
And then there are the what ifs. What if we had dated. What if I had given you the chance you wanted. Where would we/you be now? probably the same sit. who knows.
i miss you
-me
I'm am so pissed at you for killing yourself. You stupid fuck. How could you leave us, and your family and boys? They're only little kids still. They don't know how to handle it. And did you really think Cindy is going to be able to handle 3 boys under the age of 5 without you? And you were the only income in the house you silly fuck. Now what is she going to do? It costs alot to raise 3 kids you moron. You should know, you spoiled them to death!!
And then there are the what ifs. What if we had dated. What if I had given you the chance you wanted. Where would we/you be now? probably the same sit. who knows.
i miss you
-me
-
kurdt_kobain
- forum moderator emeritus
- Posts: 7964
- Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 11:22 pm
- Gender: Vagina Positive
- Location: Southeast US / Age: 22
- Contact:
STM-
Wow. I can't believe I didn't even get a phone call in over a month. Maybe it's my fault for holding back so much with you all, but I can't open up to you guys. You're having such a good time, and here I am standing on the fringes of everything, holding on and just having a horrible time. I felt like I owed ya'll not to ruin that for you, you know? I was having such an awful time with life. I was having such an awful time with everything, and I would go with ya'll and end up ODing, cutting and crying.
I would pull myself away from all of you and cry for hours. I would get fed up with myself, and I would play with my razors. I would just cry, cry, cry and never stop crying and just pray and hope that someone would come down and see me and reach out. None of you ever did. I guess I wasn't meant to be one of you.
I don't know. I'm broken, and none of you care. I don't know. You were nice--but only one of you ever reached out to me and I felt so awful taking up your time. I just typed life instead of time. I guess I felt that too.
I'm a religion failure. Sorry. Waste of time.
A--
I wish you could cheer me up when I'm sad. I wish I could talk to someone. It's not your fault. I just wish you were someone to reach out to.
I wish I had someone.
Wow. I can't believe I didn't even get a phone call in over a month. Maybe it's my fault for holding back so much with you all, but I can't open up to you guys. You're having such a good time, and here I am standing on the fringes of everything, holding on and just having a horrible time. I felt like I owed ya'll not to ruin that for you, you know? I was having such an awful time with life. I was having such an awful time with everything, and I would go with ya'll and end up ODing, cutting and crying.
I would pull myself away from all of you and cry for hours. I would get fed up with myself, and I would play with my razors. I would just cry, cry, cry and never stop crying and just pray and hope that someone would come down and see me and reach out. None of you ever did. I guess I wasn't meant to be one of you.
I don't know. I'm broken, and none of you care. I don't know. You were nice--but only one of you ever reached out to me and I felt so awful taking up your time. I just typed life instead of time. I guess I felt that too.
I'm a religion failure. Sorry. Waste of time.
A--
I wish you could cheer me up when I'm sad. I wish I could talk to someone. It's not your fault. I just wish you were someone to reach out to.
I wish I had someone.
but it's a lot harder than it looks because even though
they had the same size feet as us, they weren't looking
down the whole time while they walked to make sure
they were doing it right.
[story people]
-
caterpillargirl
- one of us
- Posts: 8462
- Joined: Tue Mar 05, 2002 1:00 am
-
caterpillargirl
- one of us
- Posts: 8462
- Joined: Tue Mar 05, 2002 1:00 am
-
kurdt_kobain
- forum moderator emeritus
- Posts: 7964
- Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 11:22 pm
- Gender: Vagina Positive
- Location: Southeast US / Age: 22
- Contact:
Um...
I sent him a pic of my boobs. Please don't be mad.
I sent him a pic of my boobs. Please don't be mad.
but it's a lot harder than it looks because even though
they had the same size feet as us, they weren't looking
down the whole time while they walked to make sure
they were doing it right.
[story people]
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