Flashbacks

[Luke722]

I hope this is the right place to post this...

How do you cope with flashbacks of abuse? They used to make me want to cut so badly, and I'd just cut and they'd go away most of the time. Now I've stopped cutting, it's been over six months since I've done it, and more like nine since I've done anything serious. I can just wait it out now most of the time, but how do you make them go away completely? I'd really appreciate any advice.

Holly

[scarlit_sky]

Well, I'm not very good when it comes to coping with flashbacks, but some of the things that I try to do are as follows:

write out some things that are good that have happened to you
go to a safe place in your head (this is some place - real or imaginary - that you have always felt safe or that makes you feel good inside)
draw something (I started with drawing how I felt inside or what my thoughts would look like if they were 3D)
(this one works for me, but I'm not sure if it would work for anyone else) write out what it is you would like to do (whether it be SI or SU) *if this would be too triggering, then don't do it*

Hope this helps,
Emma

[Luke722]

Thanks, I'll try these.

[fire.bird]

>>thank god<<

wow. i so just came in here to ask that same question.

(sometimes i think what's even worse than how much they make you want to cut it how quite so alone they make you feel...)

i don't know about answers ... but i have some thoughts for you.

if you mean make them go away forever ... i'm not sure you ever do. or at least, i think it takes a lot of years and a lot of work. (more years than i thought, it seems, recently.)

on the other hand ... if you mean make them go away in the immediate ...

there's the standard list to run down. you know... first, get yourself to a safe place physically, if you're not in one (with a blanket, preferably, at least for me)... then talk gently to yourself, focus first on breathing deeply, from your abodmen ... then focus on your body, how it feels, where you are ... make yourself focus on feeling you, the present moment, the blanket on your skin, the way air feels as it moves into your body... remind yourself what day it is, how old you are. it's like concentric circles... find your way back first to your body, then to the physical space you're in, then to the when and the who and all that.

and all that helps, especially with practice. but for me, at least -- especially recently -- it hasn't been helping enough. and i find myself doing this really interesting thing. really scary thing, too. i'm not sure if it's good or bad or what. i suddenly find myself fantasizing about the whole thing. maybe that's the wrong word -- i mean, i force myself to remember it, every tiny little detail -- i curl up in a ball in my bed and think about it and think about, over and over. and i don't like it. for one thing, i lose so much time -- it's hours, sometimes. and it seems very out of control.

but on the other hand -- i don't know how to explain it --

recently, it's like trying to get back from the feeling, trying to resist it, just makes it worse, and longer, and makes me feel like i'm crazy. totally insane. and so i guess i just sort of -- dive into it, instead.

anyway. that probably didn't help very much. but i hear you. i'm trying to figure it out, too.

in the meantime...

have a >>MagicBlanket<< to hide in...

~phoenix

[Bathelina]

I've never been in this situation before but I just want you to know that I support you and hope you are better :):)

I think maybe counselling/therapy? I don't know much about this to be honest

Good luck, lots of love + best wishes,
Hannah :):)

[Luke722]

"and all that helps, especially with practice. but for me, at least -- especially recently -- it hasn't been helping enough. and i find myself doing this really interesting thing. really scary thing, too. i'm not sure if it's good or bad or what. i suddenly find myself fantasizing about the whole thing. maybe that's the wrong word -- i mean, i force myself to remember it, every tiny little detail -- i curl up in a ball in my bed and think about it and think about, over and over. and i don't like it. for one thing, i lose so much time -- it's hours, sometimes. and it seems very out of control."

I do that too! Especially at night. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it makes things worse. Most of the time it helps though.

I've never been in this situation before but I just want you to know that I support you and hope you are better :):)

I think maybe counselling/therapy? I don't know much about this to be honest

Good luck, lots of love + best wishes,
Hannah :):)

Thanks, I really appreciate that. I've tried counseling, but it just freaks me out, especially since I didn't know if I should trust my counselor. I've tried talking about it to my friends, but I can't stand complaining about it every time it gets this bad. I'm always afraid my friends will leave, and there are only two people I trust to talk about it with, and it took me a long, long time to even mention the abuse. I totally trust them, but I don't want to bother them and for them to leave.

[Boris]

i've also found it hard to talk to people about the flashbacks...a lot of my friends know that i have them, because they've been there when i've had them. i find it helps to have somebody there...last time i had a really bad one, what helped the most was grabbing my friend's arm and holding on to it, and just having her be there while i cried. that was while i was coming out of the flashback...somebody had been stupid enough to try to "shock" me out of it, and i ended up really upset. i find that the flashbacks aren't that bad when there's somebody there.
when there isn't anybody there, if it's just starting i've been able to stop it some of the time; i phone somebody and talk to them, to distract myself, or i find something else to do...i've even used homework as a distraction; balancing chemical equations is just easy enough that i can do it while i'm upset, but just hard enough to take my mind off things. i've also tried hypnotizing myself by staring at a yo-yo, and then going to bed. and putting on music. if nothing works, i put on clothes with tight cuffs if i can (because if the sleeves are long and hard to roll up, i'm less likely to cut my arms) and curl up somewhere safe and just let it ride.

all in all, i have found that having a therapist has helped me a lot with it, even though i dont' entirely trust her and she doesn't know what exactly my flashbacks are replaying, she's taught me how to talk myself out of it.

[green chameleon]

If you don't trust your counselor could you see someone else. I have really bad nightmares about stuff. When I write it down and show it to my t she can see connections in it that I can't and it makes it seem more manageable. Good luck. Flashbacks are awful.

[Jtcg]

It is difficult to have flashbacks...sometimest hey are so real that you just can't deal...things that my counselor suggested to me is paying attention to the physical aspects of the room here in the present...the color of the carpet, the feel of the whatever you are touching...it helps you to not be overwhelmed by them...that is the hardest thing to me is not lettingmyself get sucked into it, forgetting that it is in the past really...

*sigh*


i can relate...

[fire.bird]

Luke --

I do that too! Especially at night. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it makes things worse. Most of the time it helps though.

you do?? i so thought that was only me. it's especially at night for me, too... i wonder what's up with that?

does anyone else do that? let themselves just sort of wantonly fall into the flashback/memory instead of calming yourself out of it... remember
everything, in detail ... like you're pushing into the feeling, asking for more of it, rather than letting it wash over and away? holding on and diving in, is the way i picture it ... like the beginning of "the voyage of the dawn treader", for c.s. lewis fans...

i feel guilty about it, i think. like i'm letting myself indulge in the fear and panic instead of being ... i don't know... as healthy with my feelings, or mature, or whatever it is i feel guilty about.

but i swear, sometimes, it's the only way i fall asleep.

grrr.[/quote]