si and survivors of emotional abuse

[tiffany]

hello, everyone... i used to post here a few years back and i've only posted on her a few times since graduating from high school. i'm currently a college graduate now... woo! anyway, i currently moved back to my home state to do graduate school close to home. i spent one month at home with my folks - and by the end i was going crazy, getting really depressed, fighting with my mom, and crying every other day. it was just strange to be back... before moving into graduate housing, which i am in now, my mom had one of the worst emotional outbursts i've seen in years... finally one day when i drove her to her carpool point for work, she mentioned she thought that something bad happened to her when she was younger and that as a child she was most likely molested by her uncle.

honestly, i don't know what to think about this... but every time i do let myself think about it i feel crazy. she recently lent me the book "the courage to heal" and it explains alot about reasons why she always acted certain ways towards me... why she would scream at me or practically call me a slut every time i wore shorts or a tank top. you don't have to believe me, but i am truly a modest person. i want to be there for my mom... but i don't know how because i'm still very angry at her (not for what happened to her) but for the emotional abuse i endured as a child.

i want very badly to be treated and respected. i've been through alot on my own now (including my constant battle with sh and si) ... i feel sucked back into family drama, i don't want to deal with. is there anyway to be supportive without allowing myself to get sucked into my mom's hole of strange despair? is it reasonable to say 'i just don't want to hear about it'? and what is a good way to make sure i am taking care of myself, which is an easy thing for me to forget to do? honestly, i just need a time out.

[Chimera]

Hmmm, that's a tough one. The only thing I can suggest is seeing if the graduate school/university/college that you're getting your degree from has any sort of student counseling available to you. I definitely think it's a good thing that you want to put yourself first and not get sucked into your mom's drama.

The book "Courage To Heal" is very good for survivors of sexual abuse. The author of that book also wrote a companion title called "Allies In Healing" for loved ones. I'd recommend it very highly. It goes into a lot of detail on how to care for yourself and still support the survivor in the way that fits you best.

And if no one has said this yet, welcome to BUS!!!! I hope that you find the support that you're looking for here.


Jessica

[Lyndsie]

I don't think that i'd even be able to think about being their for a person who emotionally abused me!

I hope your ok!

Maybe you need to deal with your problems before you can deal with her problems!

[DJ_Princess]

Maybe you will think it is been selfish but you need to put yourself first, back out of the situation with your mum if it is makin u feel bad, your mum is tryin to lean on you coz she thinks you she is goin to be alone, she needs to deal with these things herself, she is an adult and you are her child, u need the time to deal with your own things otherwise the whole process could be repeated with your kids if u have them etc, sort out yourself first!