last time i wanted to si, i didn't because.......

nikki-girl · Post by **nikki-girl** » Sat Jul 17, 2004 8:41 pm

because i have made a SU-SI contract so i had to try everything i could not to do it, so i wrote stuff down and did some drawing

..dead.am.i. · Post by **..dead.am.i.** » Sun Jul 18, 2004 2:13 am

I'm stronger than that.

I remember the hurt in my mom's eyes when I showed her my scar.

I didn't need to.

I didn't deserve it.

It would hurt afterwards.

I didn't want to break a promise.

My cat came in and snuggled me, and that made me happy.

Russianpoetess · Post by **Russianpoetess** » Sun Jul 18, 2004 2:14 am

because I don't want to loose 41 days of no si. because it would hurt him. it would hurt my parents.

metzli · Post by **metzli** » Sun Jul 18, 2004 2:17 am

Last time I wanted to SI and didn't it was because my wonderful cat Matilda was staring at me with her innocent, unconditionally loving eyes, trying to figure out what I was doing. Instead of SI-ing I talked to her and cuddled with her, which was comforting. It's nice because she doesn't argue with me or judge me.

indigo_pie · Post by **indigo_pie** » Tue Jul 20, 2004 1:33 pm

sheer exhaustion. I'm tired of everything.

swanfaerie · Post by **swanfaerie** » Wed Jul 21, 2004 8:59 am

i decided that altho my hurt feelings are my own, the situation/person that caused the hurt wasn't gonna win by getting the power and me hurting myself more. cuz at least at this moment i believe that i'm worth it

SOTTSOLiluyOTEP · Post by **SOTTSOLiluyOTEP** » Wed Jul 21, 2004 4:33 pm

because i didnt want to ruin my record for the longest ive gone without it (2 months and 7/8 days now!!) and have 2 start all over again from 0days... it took alot to get to this point and i dont want to go bak

8586 · Post by **8586** » Wed Jul 21, 2004 4:51 pm

I was just too tired.

greenstarz · Post by **greenstarz** » Wed Jul 21, 2004 11:11 pm

i thought of my little bro and that this time i might leave him forever.

Starry_Eyed · Post by **Starry_Eyed** » Thu Jul 22, 2004 6:14 am

Because I didn't want to see it anymore.
Played the guitar until I was too tired and fell asleep.

Ananya · Post by **Ananya** » Thu Jul 22, 2004 9:34 am

willpower.......i curled up in bed

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Thu Jul 22, 2004 11:49 am

... because although I wanted to, I realised I didn't need to, so even though I'm not trying to stop as yet, I told myself I'm worth more than that, I'm special and then I curled up in bed with a book

pretty · Post by **pretty** » Thu Jul 22, 2004 6:40 pm

Because the last time i did, it felt wrong afterwards. It didn't feel like it used to, it felt alien. Because I know I don't need to, and I'm starting to realise that I don't even want to.

tenar · Post by **tenar** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 11:32 pm

because i was ignoring my emotions (the real source of my problems) by focusing on my desire to cut - instead i tried to work out what i was really thinking and feeling so that i could solve that rather than just ignoring it.

didn't exactly work but at least i didn't cut.

truthserum · Post by **truthserum** » Tue Jul 27, 2004 3:40 am

because I promised my friend to TRY to cope before automatically turning to SI. I went for a drive instead, then watched TV with my mom.

greenstarz · Post by **greenstarz** » Wed Jul 28, 2004 4:50 am

i didnt want to end up back at the psych ward

nikki-girl · Post by **nikki-girl** » Wed Jul 28, 2004 11:31 pm

i didnt want my bf to see it and be upset

scorpio 88 girl dragon · Post by **scorpio 88 girl dragon** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 3:02 am

i went out side n started training i started kicking the door,n swing kicking the door which is wen u spin n kick.

*spoiler si* or at least kind of,not really just for yall that might find it offendsive or disturbing thats a warning*

i punched the door a couple of times but i didnt hurt my self.

greenstarz · Post by **greenstarz** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 4:34 am

i decided to watch a few movies instead

kazeldya · Post by **kazeldya** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 8:16 am

somehow I've decided that this fits in here even though it doesn't really... but anyway.......
my SI scar is in a place where I see it pretty much only when I go to the bathroom or shower... that and the fact that I feel kind of triggered already due to reading/writing about depression and suicide triggers me more... I want to but I don't... I haven't in just a week and that was triggered in part by seeing my scar too and before that I hadn't since May... I really don't want to but I think I will sort of want to once I'm in the bathroom and sitting down and not that far from my razor (which is within reach of the toilet)... and even if I hide the razor, I can use my fingernails like I did last time... last time I didn't because I gave myself permission if I still wanted to in 24 hours, and then I did... I could do that now, but I partly think I will on impulse... I hope not... being in the bathroom with the door closed is a time i'm alone and guaranteed to be alone, or pretty much so... damn it. i should just go to bed.

bus

last time i wanted to si, i didn't because.......

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