bus

I feel like I'm heading into a manic episode. I am going to breathe. I am going to remember that I've sidestepped the last few by taking very good care of myself, and I can do it again. I am going to hide out here until the fear passes, and then try and get some sleep. I am going to put the followin...

1) If you could paint the room you're in now to match how you're feeling or to what's going on in your life, what would it look like? The room would be a mess of colours swirling crazily in and out of each other. It'd be rather painful to look at directly, I think, because it would be just a bit to...

My agitated feelings would improve if I got some sleep, and stopped worrying that I'm headed into a manic episode.

It's hard not to worry, but sleep won't happen if I keep working myself into a panic.

I cleaned
I made myself food
I tried to be helpful
I didn't skip out on going to dinner
I didn't impulse shop

i am... :dkpurpstar: exhausted :dkpurpstar: stressed :dkpurpstar: over it all :dkpurpstar: hurt :dkpurpstar: angry :dkpurpstar: tired of nothing ever changing in this relationship, because only I try :dkpurpstar: struggling far more than I want to admit i am not... :lblstar: coping :lblstar: willin...

(language warning) Oh, boo fucking hoo. Poor you, right? It's so fucking hard to be made to feel bad because I don't believe you. Gee, maybe if you STOPPED LYING YOUR ASS OFF to me on a daily fucking basis, I would have an easier time believing you. Am I trying to make you feel bad? No. But it's not...

Break stuff- Limp Bizkit

Yesterday, I got some good news. Great, even. I got offered a once in a lifetime opportunity. I was excited. And then, then you come home. And you're having a bad day. Well shock and fucking horror, that's unusual. So you stomp and you bitch and you treat me like shit and leave me to solve your big...

I wish I had something helpful to say; I flit between brutal honesty and total denial.

parts of Kody- Matchbox 20 (mention alcohol and glass a lot.. so, yeah) Kody sat down on the avenue He tapped his feet, to the humming of the highway He watched the light shine down on the broken glass, and thought I don't got no reasons, yet And There it is and there it was Now It was clear to all ...

utterly exhausted

My feelings of exhaustion and resentment would improve if I :dkpurpstar: went to bed right now rather than continuing to do work R sent to the wrong email addy. :dkpurpstar: stopped letting other people's stuff keep me from my own :dkpurpstar: set firm boundaries and kept to them, rather than lettin...

Confused and overwhelmed. I don't know why my boss didn't contact me at my work email rather than my personal one, but now I feel like I *have* to pull an all nighter to get all his info ready for him in a reasonable time frame. Angry at myself for not just doing it tomorrow. It's midnight, I'm exha...

I feel... a lot of very not great things right now. Somewhat better than last night, but still verging on SU.

I don't know what to do about that. Maybe write, keep listening to music, and ignore the fact I'm meant to be workign from home today. Keep distracting myself here.

Edited to add: suicidal themes Enough. Just... enough now. I quit, you win. It's all my fault, I'm a terrible, horrible person who doesn't deserve to live, and you are blameless in all of this. I am sorry; sorry your life with me is so horrific, sorry I seem to sap all joy from your life and that I'...

(lang warning) I hate you right now. I hate that you told me you couldn't even start working on the relationship until the house was clean. I hate that I spent the week you were gone cleaning and organising my ass off, and within days of your return it's a disaster again. I'm pissed that you're the ...

like I'm a figment of my own imagination

Lately I've been struggling so much with feeling like I don't get anything done. People say it because there aren't any massive gestures of awesomeness coming from me, missing all the little awesome victories on any given day. There were some threads here and in the sourcebook about tasks you can do...

agitated

Why aren't you stepping in? How do you not see how offensive she is being towards me? Seriously, I didn't even want to go to the stupid lunch, but uninviting me is RUDE. To do it with such an aggressive manner is uncalled for, because it's not a behaviour issue, it's that I can't eat salmon, and as ...