bus

sp mentions si ok....today in class...i was wearing a light sweater/jacket because i had cut recently...the scars were 2 days old and i didn't wrap them up, cuz they weren't bleeding anymore..just red...so i was reaching over looking at this book and then my classmate whom i know somewhat from anoth...

hmmmmm i'm proud of myself because it's like the millionth time i'm told something different with all these loan stuff...and was able to handle myself and not get pissed off when i met with Financial Aid Lady...and i'm proud of myself because i got thru class (after being suspended, and missed one c...

sp mentions su and si last nite i was very upset, depressed, angry, suicidal...even was about to write my suicide note...then other stuff...but then i couldn't cuz i was in a mess at school- suspended for calling 911 twice about being suicidal, though the second was not really suicidal just kindof.....

yeah i know of other ways to cope with cutting, but i DID cut....i was just too overwhelmed with too many stuff going wrong in my life and just couldn't stand it anymore...but i did wait awhile...it was like a few hours until i actually did cut....so that's good right?????

sp si



i just feel like cutting to stop all the depression and all the anxiety that's occuring because my situation with school and money and stuff....feel like crap basically....

collide

yeah i agree with a lot that's been said...urges come and go for me but mostly they come when i am under a lot of stress, when things are changing in my life (even positive change), unexpected things, when my therapist takes her vacation... si has always been an addiction for me...i've tried to beat...

sp mentions si, su i already know i have boundary issues because i have been told time and time again that that is one of my pretty severe symptom having Borderline Personality Disorder...so basically i have a very difficult time opening up to people and even worse trusting them, cuz when i trust i ...

this is what my sister recommended me, esp when i have si urges because i am so upset or angry....she told me to get a punching bag and box the hell out of it, even yell, and also put tape papers of words and in my case ppl i am pissed off at...i haven't gotten the punching bag yet...she also told m...

sp si, su i was hospitalized recently (9/7-9/14)...it sucked...i was losing my mind that nite...the previous nite i had strong urges to cut...but i was able to not...then, i was just depressed because i have to quit my job soon because Grad school already started...missing the students and the teach...

yeah my story involves all the crap, ups and downs...mostly downs each day of the week...so when i see my therapist it feels like i'm so pathetic cuz yeah it's true part of therapy is talking about feelings and stuff like better ideas to cope, react, etc....but i find because i have so much always g...

well yeah i still feel from time to time though it's been 4 years i've been seeing her that she's still gonna dump me sometime....like i've been freakin out this whole week cuz she's gone on vacation and i feel pretty desperate and freaked out when she goes on vacation...i know it's her right...but ...

i say yes and no...i wasn't sexually abused as a child or anything like that but i was emotionally abused and physically abused pretty much from a very very young age til now, well, not the physical abuse anymore but still get lot of emotional abuse from my mom though i am an adult now...but because...

i left more messages for my psychiatrist...it's been difficult each day...almost cut on TUES nite...then WED i fucked up and broke my electric stove by pounding, trying to break ice...i don't know why i didn't do that on the counter instead (guess i must be stupid)...then i had to leave a message ab...

thanks for the advice you too...this is what i have been doing....well trying to distract myself for one...which is hard...i went on BUS CHAT and that helped...and last nite i did talk to my bf late last nite just so i could sleep...that helped...and then i did leave 2 messages on my psychiatrists v...

ok...i've posted that my therapist is gone again this week...i succumbed to si last nite...i feel like this i am going to lose it this week...like prob do something impulsively or life threatening and end up in the psych hospital which almost happened last month when she was gone on vacation 2 weeks...

hey...i'm not really new to the self harm but am too new to BUS, though i was on it before...but i can tell you from my experiences and as a psychology major why i self harm...i don't know if you feel this way...but for me my self harm (mostly cutting)...is a coping mechanism...i cannot endure the e...

ok there is some spoiler for SI/SH :uhhh: ok this is what i find happens to me a lot because my life is pretty chaotic...especially since my moods fluctuate too easily and anything can trigger something for me to react impulsively...like start walking in the middle of the road (lately that's what i'...

yeah it is gonna be a really hard week for me...i mean, i wouldn't be so upset i guess if i had known that she was also taking a one week vacation in AUG...i just thought it was the 2 weeks in JULY...anyways, i my made an appt with my Psychiatrist...but it's on a FRI...kinda the end of the week...bu...

hey MISTAKE..thanks for the advise on bringing up the topic to my therapist...usually in therapy cuz my life is pretty ups and downs all the time i end up telling stories????? hey, that's another thing i think i will post about....but yeah...i think i will try it...i don't know how that will help......

ok...just to write a little about me...i grew up in an abusive family, so that's why later in college and after a rape i got diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... so crying i've learned from growing up is a bad thing...i can't cry in front ...