bus

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I know plenty of other coping mechanisms, but I know they are no healthier than SI. I could go into "energy-based repression" and become ve...

What is making you feel the urge? Is there any external circumstance frustrating you? Are you feeling things that you tell yourself you have no right to feel? I think the urge has to do with the fact that I might have to give up my studies for daytime treatment. I can't carry on like this - hopeles...

got a nice letter from a friend on wednesday. (people do actually care about me? )
I did all the dishes this morning (and it was a lot!). yay! it proves that I can still be useful.

r - please hold me... I'm scared and I feel alone.

right now i'm feeling

- lonely -
- dangerous -
- hurt -
- sad -
- worthless -

I think I might warn my T tomorrow... (GP is on holiday next week )
therapy's thursday.. right now it feels like too far away.
but I'm a bit scared of what his reaction will be... I mean, I didn't OD...
.. I'm afraid he won't take it serious. He has done that before.

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? It will get worse... now I'm in for daytime treatment but I'm so afraid of giving up my studies... if I hurt myself right now, I will probably go IP. Then I can't take part in the daytime treatment group anymore. what will hurting myself b...

m - when are we going to talk? I really need to speak to you in private about it. can't you see that? I'm hanging on because of you.

:blkstar: I opened up to a friend about recent thoughts (and planning) of SU. I was kinda scared about it, but she took it ok I guess. So I'm glad that I found the courage to do that. :grystar: Had a great weekend, went clubbing with some good friends. Oh and we watched "mr and mrs Smith"... really ...

Today I got up and went to college. When I actually didn't feel like going.
I'm proud that I did go instead of giving in to my laziness.

Stellaria wrote: Sometimes I clearly envision a new SI wound, and then it becomes very hard for me to not go ahead and make it real.

I get that too... those are the hardest to fight off.

M - I am so sorry that I keep coming back for attention. I'm just really hurt and lonely and I need someone to hold me. You said you cared so I came to you. I'm very sorry if I hurt you in any way. I was just being honest for once. I didn't mean to make you worried or hurt you. But I could tell I di...

Yay! Lin has a pozzie Log as well
keep it up keep it up!!
(hope you have fun in Italy)
(oh and congrats on the 8 - really good!)

:redstar: I felt really bad last night when talking to a friend, and then I fell silent... suddenly she came over and held me (like a hug, but different). It was really reassuring. (and again I didn't have to ask). It was a really good thing though I was having a sad moment. :blkstar: Went to the mo...

hey Lina.. I just read your place.. you could make a log too

yesterday R hugged me... not once but twice (hence the two stars) and I didn't even have to ask for it.

i feel torn apart. i love my friends and i hurt them because i cant stop siing.
i want to stop and at the same time i want it to be worse. be more "ill"

:star: I talked to myself yesterday (by replying to my own posts) and it was actually quite a relief... I mean, I told someone what was bothering me - but without having to worry about the response because that someone I told, was me. (does that make sense? probably not :tongue: ) :star: Today I sat...

I'm going to try skulling with someone else, but so far we can't get a coach... and we need one because we dont have the skull (for a 2x-) licence yet.. ..we need one to get that license, or we are not allowed to take out boats on our own. don't feel up to talking too much about it right now so I pr...

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? People give me the feeling that they are "betraying" me. My mom blames me for everything bad that is going on in the family right now. My rowing team decided I didn't fit in and they said I couldn't join them for the second yea...