bus

i am... -broken -weary -drowning i am not... -a liar -sure of myself i feel... -sick -anxious -drained i want... -the truth to come out -my life as it is now to cease -change i need... -renewal -a support system that i can rely on -an escape i have... -to get off my butt and do something -to learn t...

Hold My Heart-- Tenth Avenue North How long must I pray, must I pray to You? How long must I wait, must I wait for You? How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through? I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me. I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me? One tear in the driving rain, One vo...

pretty freaking worthless.

like i've been hit by a bus and dragged about 50 miles. my head hurts, emotionally i'm drained, i feel like i am absolutely worthless (know in my head that's not true...but i feel it)

That's great! Congrats!

why are you doing this? do you understand that you are making my life a living hell? how can you insist that you "love me as a sister in Christ" while lying about what you did to me? i want you to know that you are hurting me...in unspeakable ways...as you do this. every moment that you choose to co...

i have been safe and productive all day, despite triggers.

you lie to me. and then get so upset that i dont trust you. well f*** that. maybe the words i say hurt you but at least im honest and you have no reason to question that. and at least i use words and not stony silence. im so done with your games. maybe im the one "walking" but youve been long gone ...

i thought you were my 'jonathan'...my true friend. i look back to the summer and think about how close we were, and sometimes it makes me really really sad. i feel like we went from being best friends to casual acquaintances overnight. it hit me when we were in FL that "huhh...i'm really not all th...

-usually a friend that knows nothing about anything, but is enough to make me not do anything
-otherwise, reading or sleeping

pretty uneasy and restless. alone.

how can you say i dont try? its not like youre ever around to see whether i do or dont. every day i try so f***ing hard to change. but you dont see that. all you see are my failures. i just told you i hated who ive become and you go and say that i dont even try to change. thats not going to help any...

overwhelmingly saddened...

i am drained

i am not that person anymore

i feel so alone

i want a new life

i need a new job...words that aren't empty

i have nothing

i love coffee

i hate myself

like i want to give up.

it hurts.

i am afraid of what will happen if i start again.