bus

I'll see what I can't dig up. I came way too close tonight, I honestly don't think I'll make it if I have to go through two more months of this.

Unfortunately, it's the exact same tool, with the very minor exception of not being mine. Also, it's a small store--usually only 1 or 2 people there at once. Believe me, I've thought of telling them I can't do it, but that would bring up more questions than I'm willing to deal with.

I'm finally to a point where my first reaction to negative emotions is not cutting. Well... mostly. Anyway. However, I find myself frequently in a situation that makes me want to cut. I work retail, and a large portion of my job is opening up new product and breaking down cardboard. That means I spe...

Except what I keep coming back to is that... There was no impulse. There was no decision, or anything. The term "autopilot" would apply here... which I suppose means I was dissociating a little. I'm just glad I realized what was happening before I drew blood... that's always the defining point for me.

Yes, I really am that confused. I have a knick on my thumb that I know I did (and I have memory of doing, so I'm not talking about dissociating here). What's confusing me is that I cannot for the life of me figure out why. :oconf: I was really happy to reach 3 months, and I have a few other mileston...

Every word you typed resonates with me. "Missing an old friend..." SI is hard to beat because it's an addiction, it's something you feel like you can't just give up one day. There are so many days when I think to myself, "just once more..." but then I realize, would it really be just once? And like ...

I agree, you make a lot of sense. I've been in a really similar situation all month, so I can commiserate and say that you can get through this. It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do to make it without SI-ing, so keep doing those things. Looking at books on Amazon sounds like a lot of ...

I know what you mean there too. The more depressed/frantic I get, the more I want to just close in on myself and not worry about anything, and the only way I can think to do that is cutting. But like you, I recognize that as being a not very healthy desire. Keep your appointment with your T, especia...

# what were you thinking and feeling? I was...angry. I felt alone. I felt...mixed up and tense. I don't know...I was thinking of how good it would feel to cut and how I couldn't really find a reason not to...I was thinking that what I do really doesn't make any difference anyway, so why not feel be...

It makes perfect sense, and it's what one of my closest friends has been telling me for months. I'm just having a little bit of difficulty internalizing it I guess... I mean, I used to be the one that people came to with problems, now I'm the one with problems. I feel like my friendships lately have...

Thanks Andi. I did eventually tell one of my friends. The truth? I don't want to tell them because I always feel like such a... reject, having to come to them again saying I'm struggling. I know that's not right, and they've told me not to feel like that more than once, but somehow I just feel like ...

1) how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? I don't know... don't know quite why I feel like cutting so it's hard to say how it would change. 2) what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? *sigh* Again, I don't know. No, that's not ...

That's a really awesome idea! What a way to turn something that feels so negative--oh, I thought about SI/SU--into a positive record of successes! Mind if I steal that for myself?

Thank you Jessica. I do feel a little better now, although when I think about how desperately she was wanting mail... :bsad: However, I sent the first of it off last Tuesday and I haven't gotten it back yet, so I'm hoping that it will get to her eventually. Now that I have her correct address I can ...

1) how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? It won't. All the mail we sent her this week won't magically appear in her barracks, and it will still be my fault. 2) what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? It will bring a kind of p...

Thanks for the replies. I did manage to make it cb_47: I was pretty clear ways to stay safe last night. Sometimes I get triggered by something and the next thing I know, I've gone and hurt myself. :-? But last night for some reason I was able to work out rational, smart steps to take to keep myself...

#7 what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now? I want to be okay without fucking myself up. I think I've done everything I can think of to not hurt myself. I'll stay away from potential tools and talk things ...

Because of a deal I made... gotta uphold my part of the bargain.

Because I didn't want to have to explain it to anyone, and keeping it completely secret scares me.

Because I was already in bed when I started feeling really urgy, and I was too lazy and exhausted to get out of bed and go get my tool... and the aformentioned thing of not wanting to tell my friend. But hey, who knew laziness could be a good thing?