bus

i used to want to stop...and i did stop for twenty something days.
but then i had a 'slip', well i pretty much just started again...and i couldn't believe how good it felt. so now i don't want to stop, but i wish i did

i SI'ed tonight, it was the first time in 26 days or something...and it made me feel a million times better. i've never cut words before, but for whatever reason on one arm i cut 'living' and on the other 'hell'. i don't know why or even how to explain it, but it made me feel more satisfied than if ...

I'M GONNA CUT. I'M GONNA CUT. sorry. i want to. no, i've wanted to before. i NEED to. i need to let something out. i need to cry. i need to get over this, get past this feeling. i need to relax and get rid of all this anxiety. i'm sure someone's in myy house, i've checked it about 4 times. i'm alone...

thanks everyone, i really appreciate it

thanks for believing that :) but i dont think it's true. the thing is, i dont know...i explained it a bit in place.. http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=77920 but the *problem* is that i KEEP fucking up. i mean, okay yeah i made a mistake. i got into things. people found out, tried to get me ou...

** cries** things are just too hard all of a sudden. they've been this way for so long but it just hit me. i can't do this. i don't have anything to live for. everything i knew and loved is gone. i can't rebuild my life...i don't deserve to. i just want to disappear. i can't stop cryingggg. why can'...

* la *sa C - i thought you would be there for me. you were my BEST friend. we told eachother everything, things i didn't tell anybody else. we spent every single day together. how the hell can you be mad at me???????? i didn't mean to let him hurt me. I'M SORRY I LET HIM HURT ME. i didn't mean to. i...

because i hate going to the gym, and after 15 min my arms start to sting like crazyyyy

counsellors are great, but i haven't found them very helpful when it comes to si. i'm pretty new here, but i have to tell you that this is the most amazing place i've found support. no matter what your issue is, there's somebody who can relate and give you advice and support. everybody is here to he...

i think mallie had great advice. i'm not sure what else to say...except that i know how damaging si is to every aspect of your life. i lost some really good friends over it when i was crying out for help...they just didn't understand and got scared. it hurts, i would first tell your friend how much ...

forgot the best one: shopping.

music
going to the gym
colouring
writing
calling a friend
movies
tanning
taking a shower
drugs *unfortunately
cleaning

i wish i had gotten away sooner
i wish i could feel
i wish i never feel again
i wish i could disappear
i wish i hadn't scared away my friends
i wish i was still part of the group
i wish to never disappoint again

blankets..soo comfy

something i heard about that i thought sounded cool was when you get REALLY angry, maybe you get triggered or just want to scream, write down all your anger in a journal. write down ANYTHING you want, explain exactly how you feel, call people names, swear, whatever you want. once you've gotten all y...

i need to cry.

i am still here

i am not as alone as i feel

i feel hopeless

i want my friends back

i need help.

i have nothing to lose

i love my puppy

i hate my life, myself

i don't want to feel my pain inside anymore, si keeps me from numbing out

it's hard trying to help someone when you are experiencing the same thing. for me, it has just been a HUGE help having a friend who si's as well, because it made me feel less alone. and it's somebody to talk to who actually understands it, unlike most counsellors and doctors that i've been to. i thi...

I have heard people giving others advice about alternatives to cutting. One of the things was to put a rubber band around your wrist and everytime you felt the need to si, snap the rubber band as hard as you can. I've also heard that people can give themselves bruises by doing this. Is it another fo...